Male entitlement at a bar

He was basically holding you captive against your will, swearing is the least he deserved.
I can never get my head around a man thinking that they should seduce a wonan by showing they have no regard for the woman's physical boundaries or consent.

It's better I've discovered to react to the first boundary violation with a fuck off/call security - he's basically seeing who's going to give him the benefit of the doubt and then will zero in on them - best to send the full force signal straightaway of NO - he'll go elsewhere then.

Were some of you on the look out for single men or just appeasing him - not judgement just curious?

Yes Juells - exactly. It does worry me. I joke about it but it does actually worry me a bit. He's a lot lovelier than my mad old dad though.

@MinaPaws no wonder you're worried about the DS, in case it's in the genes!

I know, Lighthouse, I was just joking about you and men in bars.

I think he eventually asked if I was OK and when I said I was, he just cleared his throat and continued. Hopeless case.

oh Mina, I wasn't comparing myself to men in bars!

I was just thinking maybe your son gets that enthused about his music.

What did your dad say about the pretend faint?

God Juells your mother and my dad sound similar. I once pretended I'd fainted to see if he'd notice I wasn't listening. Seven minutes later he noticed. He wasn't even old then.

Lighthouse I notice their micro expressions - that means you're not at all like the men in bars. You're just enthusiastic.

@ToastyFingers

I have a 'lesbian haircut' and resting bitch face now and no-one bothers me, it's great!

🤣

Urghhh, I just have wasted so much of my life listening to men spout shit.

I have a 'lesbian haircut' and resting bitch face now and no-one bothers me, it's great!

How did you restrain yourself from whipping the book back out of his hands and twatting him with it, LonnyVonny?

SDTG I'd LOVE to say I withered him with one fell glance, stopping only to twat him on the head with my hard back as I swept out of the bar accompanied only by the sound of the cheers of every other woman there, but it was one of those situations where I completely goldfished. I actually told him politely that I also had a kindle! Twat.

Loving OP's librarian indignation too #solidarity

Did none of your friends back you up OP? I’m a bit surprised about that.

@MinaPaws - no but I notice their micro expressions and if I get a hint of them glazing over, I stop.

also I tend to bang on about it to other enthusiasts. I would never start on at someone who wasn't already into that stuff.

re fragile teenage ego, I do think you need to tell teens if they are talking too much, or at you. Better it comes from a loved one than a fellow teen losing their rag with them while they're out? Or is it better coming from peers...?

Ugh, my mother - whom I loved dearly - got like this when she was older. She came to live with me and almost drove me crazy. I like silence, I'd be working away on my computer and she'd talk and talk and talk. I built a wall across the kitchen to make my work area separate, she used to still come in and talk at me. I then put a screen around where I sat, she'd pull it aside and talk at me. She walked with a stick, so I put things all over the floor, she said "This is ridiculous, it's like an obstacle course". :( Nothing got through to her, not asking, not telling, not physically trying to keep her out. What I resent about people like that is their insistence that their stream of consciousness is being forced into your brain, leaving no room for your own thoughts. It's obsessive, compulsive.

That reminds me @LaSqrrl, back in my uni days of the guy who told me he shoots blanks and his wife doesn't mind if he plays around. Astonishingly none of us took him up on his implied offer of unprotected sex, or even sex at all.

Tempting offer, why not?!

Isn't the "wife doesn't understand me / doesn't mind" the No.1 in the Scumbag Handbook? I dunno, I burned the only copy I got my hands on.

Lighthouse out of interest - has anyone ever said to you: 'Shut up now. It got too much'? I just wonder if by syaing that, you are warning people that you go on, but that doesn't mean they have the guts to interrupt you. I do sometimes tell DS he;s talking at me not with me, but he goes so silent and sad afterwards that I feel guilty. Minefield.

nolonger, my DD would definitely do that!

Deydo, I had a flatmate like this once. She just talked nonstop. She never seemed to notice if you didn't respond to her. Once, cos she wouldn't shut up, I just started to get ready for bed, expecting her to get the hint. But no, she followed me into the bathroom whilst I cleaned my teeth. Followed me into my bedroom whilst I got changed, talking all the while non stop. ANd, she continued talking at me once I got into bed!!!!! SHe just wouldn't shut up.

@MinaPaws

I've noticed DS1 does this. How do you stop them from thinking the sound of their own voice if the most fascinating music on the planet? I genuoinely don't want to damage his fragile teenage ego. But I can't let him loose on the world like this.

Oh dear, I'm afraid I laughed out loud at this, imagining your face as he holds forth.

I've noticed DS1 does this. How do you stop them from thinking the sound of their own voice if the most fascinating music on the planet? I genuoinely don't want to damage his fragile teenage ego. But I can't let him loose on the world like this. Any ideas how to discourage it?

DD does this. I'm genuinely at a loss. She talks almost non-stop the whole time she's awake. She's also not interested in the thoughts of others, just her own opinions.
DS is quiet and thoughtful, and respectful of others. I hope he doesn't change when he's older.
We've brought them up the same!

Mina, in case it helps

I'm passionate about books, films, story structure - can bang on endlessly about the use of a stage direction etc.

what I do is ask the listener if it's okay for me to talk about x - even to my family - and say "shut me up if it gets too much".

in terms of wasted time, OMD, my current contract is ending soon and there's one man who has driven me mad. He repeats the same point at length in meetings, interrupts any women he sees talking anywhere, thinks his opinion is worth volumes of Shakespeare even if it's just "we need some new exhibition banners". I feel like I have wasted half my working day on him for months now. I've tried "well I must let you get on as you're so busy" but he says "no, I'm all right for time".

I think they do it on purpose - more so in a work place because you can't tell them to fuck off.

I'm in my early 40s and have only just realised how many hours of my life have been spent politely listening to very boring and very unfunny stories by men. Know that I'm aware of it, its unrelenting.

God yes. It's bad enough having to put up with this from elderly male relatives who I choose not to shut up because I can't be arsed with the sulks that would ensue. But their monologues and mansplains take up a vast chunk of precious free time, so allowing randoms in pubs to take up even more time is just not possible.

I've noticed DS1 does this. How do you stop them from thinking the sound of their own voice if the most fascinating music on the planet? I genuoinely don't want to damage his fragile teenage ego. But I can't let him loose on the world like this. Any ideas how to discourage it?

You didn't overreact. Men like that need women like you to show them how their behaviour is really going down. The more women gently try to stop hurting the whopping egos of entitled men, the more those men barge in and take over every situation. It bores the arse off me. Good for you.

”I once went down to a hotel bar for a quiet drink while DH was putting DS to bed. Took a book (an actual physical book) to deter randoms, then a bloke came over to me twitched my book out of my hands and started to mansplain the concept of Kindles to me.”

How did you restrain yourself from whipping the book back out of his hands and twatting him with it, LonnyVonny?

@Vicky1990

I'm afraid you get men and women like this every where, I have found so called hen parties the worst.
I have had to move tables a number of times when eating out due to the moronic screaming and shouting by some of these women ruining a meal.

Completely different thing. A bunch of women being loud. Not a woman coming to annoy you and insist on talking at you and preventing you from leaving.

a bloke came over to me twitched my book out of my hands and started to mansplain the concept of Kindles to me

I've heard of this, and men shutting a laptop to interrupt a woman.
Can you imagine trying that on? Men sit and read the paper in public and no one would grab it off them to demand their attention!

No you were fine, you had every right to talk to him like that including the swearing, after he ignored your polite requests to move. Why are women condition to be meek and polite. What an idiot!