A bare breast on a t-shirt at a conference

That is not what you were doing though OP, both in the OP and subsequent comments. You were berating her for being upset at blatant misogyny.

You need to review your attitude towards the position you hold. Because it does not seem to be on the side of women in your industry.

And yes, you should be defensive and upset. You were in the wrong on this. Very much so.

^ THIS, AAK, just THIS

Can we talk about the "this woman is making me and other women look bad and that's why we can't have nice things" thing that the OP and a few others are doing? This reaction comes up a lot and leads to a lot of throwing other women under the bus, and I think it's important to think your way through (ie that lurkers might benefit from reading that conversation).

I have to agree, having read through the thread, the reaction that has seemed most inappropriate and has shocked me the most is the OP's reaction - when she claims to be on a women in tech board!!!

OP - you have chosen, consistently, to scrutinise and criticise how a woman reacts to blatant sexism in your industry rather than focus on the actual sexism. Why are you on a women in tech board? Is it to stop female colleagues getting uppity, because you surely aren't their ally.

And fucking shame on you OP, for being on a women's board and all. Please resign, let someone who actually CARES be given a shot in the role. You clearly do not. You only care whether this woman's reaction was deemed 'appropriate' or not.

You are failing your duty of care.

OMG, are we back to the woman's reaction of blatant misogyny again? Clearly groundhog day.

This man was never going to change his opinion, no matter how nicely a woman might have asked him. The event organisers made a weak apology and that was that, so clearly they don't give a fuck either.

Very true, Assassinated.

My gawd, I feel like screaming - "misogyny, what misogyny, only fucking everywhere!!!" about a million times on this.

What part of 'inappropriate' do people not get? Sexism and obvious displays of male supremacy are NOT OK! Fuck, I feel like I am screaming it out for those in the slow seats, I really do. This is 101 shit.

Well she's achieved a wider audience for his actions so more women can realise he's misogynist and will double down on it if called out. Handy to know if you were ever considering working for or hiring him/his company.

This is definitely the kind of information I'd like to have about the potential new boss before my first day at the office. Ideally before the interview in fact so I can probe a bit and see if whatever advantages the job might offer outweigh the unpleasantness of being forced to interact with someone so boorish.

Well she's achieved a wider audience for his actions so more women can realise he's misogynist and will double down on it if called out. Handy to know if you were ever considering working for or hiring him/his company.

This man was never going to change his opinion, no matter how nicely a woman might have asked him. The event organisers made a weak apology and that was that, so clearly they don't give a fuck either.

Do we know that she hasn't also put in an official complaint?

Ofgs, BeefyCakes - do you realise that you are shooting the messenger, and ignoring the message here? Woman gets pissed off and upset by the dickhead and his pervert T-shirt, but it's the woman's fault??!! Really!!??

If the wanker is not changing his T-shirt or apologising, then he is indeed a wanker of the lowest order.

He's obviously a cunt for wearing the t-shirt, did he not look in a mirror at any time between putting the t-shirt on and stepping on to the stage to speak? He could have turned the t-shirt inside out...

Saying that, I've read the Twitter thread from the person who found this t-shirt so offensive that she was shaking and crying, obviously she is entitled to her opinions. However I am also entitled to an opinion, and in my opinion to use the phrase 'victim shaming' in relation to a boob on a t-shirt is just totally out of proportion. I am a rape survivor, and things like this in my opinion just totally minimises what victims of sexual assault go through. Obviously I don't know her history.

Instead of tweeting about it and how she was shaking and crying, surely handling it like an adult and going through official channels to complain would have been better? It's just a disproportionate reaction.

What has it achieved? He hasn't changed his opinion on wearing t-shirts like that in fact judging by his response he's locked down and is not changing the t-shirt or apologising because of this reaction. He's posted the good old Stephen Fry meme about offense.

I just think any bloke in any situation wearing that t-shirt is a dick and I'd disregard anything he had to say 🤷‍♀️

A man wore a sexualised image of a woman on his T-shirt (!WTF!!) when addressing a conference (!!!) involving both men and women. And taking into account women's continuing inequality at work, and sexual harrassment.

The fucker was clearly goading.

I salute the woman who called the pervert out.

As a survivor of sexual assault I also really took issue with her later on twitter for using the term 'victim shaming

She actually believes she's a "victim"?
Jesus.

Did poopsqueak ever say why she didn't say anything to anyone at the conference before choosing instead to post about it here online?

"Parts of bodies not a whole person"

Sort of how poopsqueak (aka bullshitter?) titled this thread 'A bare breast on a t-shirt at a conference'?

Oh Jesus wept I can see why it’s out of order and I’m the fucking MRA....

When musing on this thread, potplant2's earlier post bubbled to my mind's surface: [being objectified and humiliated in public] destroyed my enthusiasm and enjoyment for that talk, but I put on a professional face and got through it. And so your enthusiasm for the subject matter won't have shone through to your audience and got them fired up about it. It would have done if you'd been introduced as a human and not a bit of skirt. This is where everyone in an industry is harmed by sexism: women do not and cannot do their best work when they are constantly navigating a hostile culture, and this impacts everyone around them.

@poopsqueak Actually metro I'm going to have to correct you. Because the 'crying and shaking' tweet and the 'I've had to run out and hide in the toilets' was during the time he was speaking so she couldn't have confronted him by then.

Fair enough, I stand corrected. We don't know why the tshirt alone was so upsetting to her, but one of the reasons why most workplaces don't allow soft porn tshirts as business attire is because we don't know everyone's past and so we try to make the place safe and comfortable for everyone. I suspect that fear of consequences of speaking out could have been a major driver of her emotional reaction, and given how he treated her and the reactions from some people on here, I would say her fear was justified.

One of my colleagues made a pun about rape a few weeks back and another colleague instantly called him out on it and he apologised. I stiffened and froze at my desk because it reminded me of a prior assault that I don't want to think about other than on my terms, and had to leave and sit in the staff room for a few minutes, and that was with someone instantly calling him out and him reacting well to that. Had no one called him out, I don't know how I would have reacted. I don't think I would have felt OK calling it out.

Because of this experience of my own, I'm sympathetic to the complainant and I really don't think we should police her.

I think it's a big deal because overreactions like that cause people (both men and women) to switch off from the actual problem. They see the reaction, not the action. They roll eyes. They do not pay attention because the person talking about the problem is seen as dramatic.

But you could counter this in the many ways that other posters have by focusing back on the T shirt rather than continually drawing attention to her behaviour, which is utterly irrelevant to the T shirt being sexist. And to be fair without her reaction we probably wouldn't have been aware of it and yet more misogynist behaviour would have gone by unremarked on.

So if that's how you feel why make it the issue that you decide to focus on? In your understanding of it, you're drawing people's attention to the reaction you disapprove of and inviting people to discuss it. Thus further distancing people from the actual issue. Which is much much more of a problem than this one woman and her behaviour which you don't like.

And from my experience, people who roll their eyes and dismiss women as hysterical will not take them seriously if they react in a way which is approved of. Because they're sexist.