Being told to lighten up - how do you respond?

I would have immediately told him: "You do and it wont be the only ball that gets kicked, pal!"

Speaking as a bloke, here.

I would have immediately told him: "You do and it wont be the only ball thing that gets kicked, pal!"

Speaking as a bloke, here.

It was a threat. He said to kick the ball at your child, who was strapped to you, so you would have both been hit. And you're supposed to 'lighten up'? He's a total fucking idiot. If people phone the police about their hurt feelings, why not phone them about that threat?

No of course they aren't jokes.

The woman is supposed to scuttle away meekly and in a fearful manner, then him and his mates can feel strong and powerful.

If the woman doesn't do that, they have 2 routes. Back down (what your ones did) or follow through.

Our problem is, we never know which one we are going to get.

This is a way that all men benefit from the behaviour of a few. We often scuttle away meekly, because we have no way of telling, if we confront them, whether they will back down or escalate. And, they are usually bigger than us.

I think that young men in general have no idea how threatening this sort of thing is, it's seen as a thing amongst themselves, the target is kind of irrelevant. Like sexual harrassment on the street as well, most of the time. They don't give a second thought to the effect on the person they do it to, they don't even recognise them as people, in that moment. It's awful behaviour and I'm sure a lot of it is down to socialisation.

"to which the guy started with oh lighten up hardly a threat etc."

Women aren't supposed to name the threat in male dominance displays. Not even when it is a plain and simple threat.
I think what you did was exactly right. You put them in the position of denying that a direct threat was a threat when everyone there knows that it was.
The so called jokes about hurting people are male dominance displays and they are not jokes. Not really.

I don't think men have any idea how much verbal abuse we get when we're out and about TBH.

Kick the ball at the kid - the 2yo that is strapped to your back -

Give it a good boot and you both go down.

Yeah fucking hilarious. I'm a bit disabled and would have gone down in a heap if they had done that.

Why is it hardly a threat? A group of people you don't know say why not hurt your child and possibly knock you both to the ground.

Add to this the fact that - don't know about you - but when younger I've had older boys / young men deliberately kick footballs at me hard when I've just been going along minding my own business

And how the fuck do they expect you to react?

WTF is wrong with men? NAMALT but way too many.

Nothing wrong with being a grumpy old woman!

"to which the guy started with oh lighten up hardly a threat etc. " this is just one of a suite of responses women get from men when they realise that a woman has dared to confront/criticise/comment on their behaviour. For example, when I had a loudish (might have been slightly sweary as well) word with a bunch of chaps on a crowded train who obviously honestly thought that the entire packed and sweaty carriage would really appreciate their particular choice of music -- I got told to not be so aggressive. It's that chaps consider public spaces as their space, and any women/children in them don't really belong (unless protected/chaperoned by a male). We shouldn't have to resort to mother/child mode in order to deflect them.

Their not losers, or special, they're just ordinary blokes, that's the pisser!

At 38 you are not old. Nowhere near old.

I walked my two children through a park and a pack of guys were swearing - really loudly so I looked at them - I got told to "fuck off mum"

It really upset me and my then 5 year old he couldn't understand why someone would say that to me.

I don't know how it wouldn't upset you?

I held it together and didn't retaliate.

Don't know what else to add - casual misogyny or meaness to kids gets me down but you have to soldier on and make sure you don't raise kids who are total pricks.

I think you have to let that idiot pass.

Please don't describe yourself in negative terms because of some other loser.

I’d have probably just told them to fuck off. But I’m not quick with comebacks.

Be a grumpy old woman. Honestly, make the most of it. Treat them like naughty toddlers. I would have said something like, does your mum know you are cheeky like this when you are out? I think we should tell her you are being a naughty boy. I bet you are not allowed to be rude like that to your mum are you.