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Original poster

Woman gets written up by HR for having menstrual products in her car

108 replies

AngryAttackKittens · 14/05/2018 09:19

Turns out that the coworker who complained was a transwoman. The complaining part is sadly not a surprise, since we already know that some transwomen think women are being female at them out of spite, but the fact that HR actually took the complaint seriously and wrote the letter writer up for having personal care items in a bag in her car rather than explaining to the complainer that the complaint was unreasonable is not exactly a great sign in terms of how workplaces are handling complaints relating to trans issues.

www.askamanager.org/2018/04/i-got-in-trouble-because-my-coworker-saw-maxi-pads-in-my-car-and-more.html

OP posts:

Juells · 14/05/2018 13:55

I'll admit to getting a bit of a shock when I saw a fb update from my daughter saying "Feeling a bit periody :( " as she has hundreds of fb friends, but ultimately gave myself a kicking and got a grip.

I can imagine that if a man made a ridiculous complaint like this that a HR department would humour him, rolling eyes behind his back, but still find it hard to believe they'd write up a complaint. The whole shock horror "and all the time it was duhduhduhhhhh A TRANSWOMAN" has been dripfed.

@HebeMumsnet (MNHQ) Thanks!

averylongtimeasSpartacus · 14/05/2018 13:46

Who on earth is offended by a packet of pads or tampons?!

Half the human race uses them, what on earth is the problem?
How do they go shopping when there are racks of the things, or even watch tv, they must have to switch off every advert.

I'm not sure which would be more shocking tbh, that a trans person was offended or a woman- just why?

spontaneousgiventime · 14/05/2018 12:55

I was at my DD house yesterday, she had sanitary protection in the living room to take upstairs as she had been shopping early morning. I used to keep supplies all over the place when myself and my DD needed them. I'm glad no 'oh my God' TIM came into my house then or my DD yesterday, our names would have been mud in the twittersphere.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 14/05/2018 12:49

Oh ffs. Assuming this is true:

Why is the person snooping in someone else's car not written up for looking at someone else's property? That would have as much merit (i.e. none)

I'd be inclined to have inadequate sanitary protection for my next period and bleed all over the office chairs (but you told me I couldn't keep emergency pads in my car and I was taken by surprise.......). It's normal biology for women. About time men realised this.

ErrolTheDragon · 14/05/2018 12:41

Is this a US site? Are these things more sensitive there?

I'd have thought so. The silver lining of the 'tampon tax' is that it's normalised the discussion of them in the U.K. - e.g George Osborne cheerfully talking about them in the House of Commons in one of his budgets.

phlewf · 14/05/2018 12:12

I clicked assuming this would be about used menstrual products, perhaps in an emergency/flood/leaked kind of way and an observer being shocked. Not actually just a packet. Blokes in my family haven’t had a problem with it but I know a few people who keep them hidden like heroin in the house lest their husbands see them.
It’s a weird old world out there.

MipMipMip · 14/05/2018 12:08

The writer did not reveal the trans element until the third communication with the blogger (original letter than short exchange between them - what the blogger described as second PS). It was not in the published letter and was not mentioned at all until the blogger answered a question on the gender of the complainant and manager/HR. I do not see any way this could have been a set up.

To me the trans element is a red herring (other than the complaint appears to have been given extra weight because of it. But I'm guessing - it could be that HR would have done this for anyone). It does demonstrate very well the ridiculous way women and their biology are treated in the world. It would almost be better if nothing about the complainant had been revealed to just show how misogynistic the world is.

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 14/05/2018 12:02

@Juells - we've just reinstated your post. Really sorry - we aren't sure what happened there! It was very near another one that got deleted. Might have been one of us having a fat fingers moment. Apologies!

Ereshkigal · 14/05/2018 11:58

When trans people centre their feelings of exclusion because women's realities aren't hidden away - do you know what that is? It's privilege. That's what it is. It's not marginalisation, it's not exclusion: it's privilege. It's the privilege of thinking it's more important that trans people don't suffer the very biological reality that fucks women over and are sad about it than the very biological reality that fucks women over itself. You really cannot get more privileged than that. Narcissistic feelings are more important than material reality.

YYY.

yetanothertranswoman · 14/05/2018 11:52

Women aren't excluding trans people by living. Women aren't excluding trans people by discussing their biological realities - especially when those biological realities are what's fucking them over. Women aren't excluding trans people by not hiding products to do with their biological realities in their own fucking cars

Of course you're not.

LangCleg · 14/05/2018 11:50

I don't think jealous is the word I would use - but it's a reminder that 'our bodies and mind don't match up'. There's nothing that can be done about it though and there's no point getting upset or offended about it.

You know what? That's unfortunate and if it adds to dysphoric feeling it's sad and I'm sorry for you - but in the end, it's just too bad.

Women aren't excluding trans people by living. Women aren't excluding trans people by discussing their biological realities - especially when those biological realities are what's fucking them over. Women aren't excluding trans people by not hiding products to do with their biological realities in their own fucking cars.

When trans people centre their feelings of exclusion because women's realities aren't hidden away - do you know what that is? It's privilege. That's what it is. It's not marginalisation, it's not exclusion: it's privilege. It's the privilege of thinking it's more important that trans people don't suffer the very biological reality that fucks women over and are sad about it than the very biological reality that fucks women over itself. You really cannot get more privileged than that. Narcissistic feelings are more important than material reality.

yetanothertranswoman · 14/05/2018 11:36

Are they genuinely jealous of having to deal with bleeds and (potentially) associated pain every month

WrongOnTheInternet · 14/05/2018 11:32

I will assiduously make no comment whatsoever regarding the sanity of anyone who is jealous of periods in case it gets deleted.

And as for men who don't believe they should be bothered by reality, they can buzz off back to fairyland. I wish them joy of those stately homes with out-of-sight tunnels for staff - with no staff to clean, cook etc.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/05/2018 11:28

www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1122689/menstruation-matters-transgender

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/05/2018 11:25

As an aside, do trans women really get that het up about periods? Are they genuinely jealous of having to deal with bleeds and (potentially) associated pain every month

It's not really fair to generalise. Evidence from teh intwebebs would suggest that some individuals do, but a hell of a lot don't.

WrongOnTheInternet · 14/05/2018 11:22

As an aside, do trans women really get that het up about periods? Are they genuinely jealous of having to deal with bleeds and (potentially) associated pain every month?

I've already peak transed, but goodness, if they want it believe me I and probably half the rest of the human species would be only to glad to hand that particular 'privilege' over if we could.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/05/2018 11:19

Exactly crunchy. As I said, I sometimes leave mine in full view if I’ve bought them and not bought a bag from the local coop and forgotten my reusable one. Or I may just leave some on the front passenger seat anyway for spares. I used to hide them but I’m too long in the tooth these days.

angryburd · 14/05/2018 10:56

And then the tampons clapped.

crunchymint · 14/05/2018 10:54

I am amazed that a few people on this thread don't think it is normal behaviour to leave sanitary towels in the car where others can see them. It is perfectly normal. My 80 and 90 year old relatives might not agree, but things have moved on since then. And I wouldn't think twice about doing this.

BerkInBag · 14/05/2018 10:53

I saw that on Reddit a while ago and thought it was a bit dubious. This however ...

<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">whichh<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">a<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">pakistanii<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">woman<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">iss<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">ganged<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">upp<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8bjk8b/in_which_a_pakistani_woman_is_ganged_up_on_by" target="_blank">on_by/

Tinlegs · 14/05/2018 10:52

Is this a US site? Are these things more sensitive there?

AnotherQuoll · 14/05/2018 10:51

Tbh I was expecting the complaint to be from a male. [Women who buy 'personal hygiene' products don't tend to get the vapours over seeing packets of menstrual pads, tampons, toilet paper, nappies, or whatever.] I just didn't know if the male wore a suit or not.

Yes, I believe it. Because plenty of male people do think female body functions and products that deal with them, should be hidden from their sight. I don't care how the complainant was dressed.

KendalMintCakey · 14/05/2018 10:51

That is gender discrimination (writing up over the pads) & in England is illegal. AngryAttackKittens I love the tweet. It rocks... or pads lol

TERFragetteCity · 14/05/2018 10:51

I've had company cars for years - and there has never been a policy that I've ever seen about content in the cars apart from not being allowed to smoke in it, and keeping IT in the boot.

Tinlegs · 14/05/2018 10:49

Can I ask if you think there would be a difference if the car / vehicle was a works vehicle or if it was the woman's (mensutrating one, obviously) own car. I am TerfyMcTerfFace but wonder if some companies (disclaimer I am guessing here) might have a policy about displaying personal items in a works vehicle.

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