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Original poster

I'm starting to wonder if there are just too many differences between my beliefs and those of my friends

39 replies

BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 11:41

If it were just one or two things then I'd work with it, but it seems I am constantly having to either disagree with a majority or leave things unchallenged. I'm annoyed, it's taken a lot for me to find a group I fit in with, but on some subjects I feel like I don't know them at all.

99.9% of the time I challenge, but I was already considering posting this thread the other day anyway about this, and I decided the way "around" it was to only challenge if it directly impacts my own DCs, cause I'm sick of the mental energy I am wasting on what feels like a lost cause.

The example that led to me posting today was someone saying to her son "boys can't like pink". Aren't adults supposed to know better than this?

I end up coming away from socialising feeling bloody lonely, and it's really wearing me down.

OP posts:
auntycartmanslargertesticle · 13/05/2018 13:17

If you're coming away lonely whats the point of interacting, beyond what is strictly necessary, with these people? I can guarantee that you will survive lonliness and you probably will know yourself better. Its that female be nice socialisation in action isn't it?eg disagreeing with someone is unpleasant. Be yourself. Let them eat it. In the above conversation 'why not' puts the onus on them to justify such petty judgementalism and policing of sex boundaries. I see you as a thoughtful and considering person with much to offer. If they can't appreciate that others will.

bluebell1981 · 13/05/2018 13:12

I feel like this too a lot of the time so can empathise Thanksit's really tough. I've had some friends from childhood who I care a lot for but they come out with shit like this too and it really gets to me as I'm sick of being the mouthy one with a different opinion on everything!

Original poster
BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 12:58

I've mentioned before about the suggestion my DS was trans, DJ, when he was little more than a toddler. That came from a friend. Angry

I'm afraid my response to that one did come under the ^"condescending, confrontational or just boring and preachy"yes subheading...

OP posts:
DJLippy · 13/05/2018 12:53

Trans debate and talk of innate gender allows peoples sexism and homophobia to seem progressive. You're the bigot if you disagree. Welcome to the upside down.

Original poster
BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 12:51

Flowers Lyn. Pink ones for your sil

Other favourites usually focus on girls like x, boys like y. Too many examples to list, but also trying not to be too outing.

OP posts:
lynmilne65 · 13/05/2018 12:32

my sil wanted pink at his funeral, he got it; he wasn't yet 30.

Picassospaintbrush · 13/05/2018 12:32

The dry cleaners in the City have racks of laundered pink, blue and white shirts in polythene waiting for collection. Pink is a standard shirt colour for men.

They buy them at Thomas Pink!

www.thomaspink.com/us/category/mens/business_shirts?filters=Hierarchy_TOP_NAVIGATION_FILTER:/TOP_NAVIGATION/wc_mens_shirts/wc_mens_allshirts/wc_mens_business_shirts!MASTER_COLOUR_FILTER:Pink

Original poster
BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 12:25

(and probably much longer than that!)

OP posts:
Original poster
BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 12:25

Yy bear and wiggly

My DS will refuse to wear his favourite pink pants to school on pe days, because kids have commented on them being "girls". Boxer shorts ffs.

I can tell him it's a colour and to ignore others if he likes them til I'm blue in the face, but why is this shit still coming from parents. I'd understand a bit more if it was some obscure Radfem belief, but teenage boys have been wearing pink since I was a teenager!!

OP posts:
wigglybeezer · 13/05/2018 12:13

Your friend obviously hasn't been into a clothing shop catering to young blokes recently, they're full of pink at the moment, DS3, who's 14, has a lovely new pastel pink sweatshirt, he wears it out in public and everything!

Original poster
BeyondPink · 13/05/2018 12:08

Well exactly, Djlippy :(

Other friends nearby is...complicated. Anyone nearby seems to have a lot of similar beliefs, even within my own extended family - I'm constantly on guard and firefighting against it. Even looking to friends further away, they are all very much on their own, it makes me wonder if the whole UK is actually like this and it's just hiding

OP posts:
Bearberry · 13/05/2018 12:02

I find I feel like this pretty often too. I have some old friends who live far away who I don’t see often due to distance and circumstance who I can connect with on a political level, but none really in day to day life.

I find people come out with crap like your example, which goes against pretty fundamental beliefs of mine on a regular basis. There’s a lot of ingrained misogyny being spouted on a daily basis too. I find it difficult, because when challenging, it either appears condescending, confrontational or just boring and preachy to people who want to keep the conversation “light”.

I’ve got people I’m friends with who I can have a laugh with, basic chit chat and play date based stuff... but they all seem to inevitably make comments that show me we don’t have those fundamental things in common. I don’t know what the answer is, I feel that if I wrote them all off socially based on that I would have no one to socialise with.

DJLippy · 13/05/2018 11:53

"boys can't like pink"
^homophobia

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 13/05/2018 11:47

I am outspoken and opinionated (so I have been told Blush so basically a loud gobshite).
When I read your title I thought you meant just basic disagreements about TV/fashion/chit chat - which I would always debate with my friends and colleagues until I realised I was becoming a loudmouth gobshite. I really had to shut myself up a lot.

But when I got the 'boys can't like pink' bit I was shocked - this is fundamental WhyTheFuckNot stuff for me.

Tbh if any of my friends or child's friend's parents started with that I'd want to distance myself and not bother seeing them.

Have you got any other friends nearby you can meet where the conversation isn't so mentally taxing? Are you in a town/city with groups you can attend to meet other like minded people?

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