Your Teenage Child tells you they think they are Transgender

Sam, did you mean to sound like such a drama Llama?

I think they're linked for a lot of people.

How I present to the world and how I feel in terms of being a lesbian are often linked to how I dress, my mannerisms, the activities I enjoy etc.

I think that gets forgotten in the rush to diagnose young people as something GPS can prescribe something for

Sorry, I realise I have conflated transgender with sexuality there, but I think in my DD’s case, they are inextricably linked.

My 12 year old DD has expressed similar thoughts. She hasn’t specifically said she IS transgender, but she has said she thinks she might be. She presents in a fairly androgynous way. Short hair and ‘boys’ clothes (jeans and hoodies) but sometimes paints her nails and wears light make up. Is in puberty but doesn’t appear to be any more distressed by that fact than any other pubescent youth. I have told her she is very free to continue dressing as she wishes, and pursuing whichever hobbies and interests she is drawn to (anime being one). She has also said she thinks she might be bisexual and, more recently, that she thinks she is gay. All of which DH and I have taken on board happily and without fuss.

Interestingly, the most recent ‘revelation’ (that she is attracted to girls) was delivered to DH and I separately. When it later came up in conversation between us, DH said: ‘DD said you were really shocked’, which was absolutely not the case, and I don’t see how she could have possibly interpreted my reaction as anything other than calm acceptance. This obviously had us wondering if she really is in any doubt about her sexuality or identity, but is just looking for a way to be noticed, to be different or interesting to her peers.

Either way, we have reassured her that we accept her however she chooses to present herself and live her life. I also said that despite my unconditional acceptance of her as she is, I would never agree to say that she is male, and I probably would not agree to using male pronouns for her. She understands my stance and hopefully accepts it. We have had a number of conversations about transgender ideology and I have reiterated my view that sex and gender are separate, and while one may be fluid/unconventional, the other almost certainly isn’t.

sallyannemum how will you explain to your child if they come to you in a few years and say ‘I was a confused teenager. Why did you allow me to take hormones and have genital surgery? Why didn’t you tell me that my body was fine as it was and didn’t need to be changed?’
Have you seen an detransitioners speaking? How can you allow your child to take the risk of terrible post-op complications? And possible lack of sexual function after surgery? I couldn’t let my child go through all tbh. You’re the parent here!

Thank you for your flowers. I will plant them in my garden of love, hope and truth.

truthwillwin

Until you can speak from personal experience I suggest you shut up, it’s not ideology it’s real life and will continue

Ah, yes, women, shut up! None of us here can possibly have been gender nonconforming children and teenagers ourselves, have we? None of us have been thinking and talking and working things out on this issue for decades and decades, have we?

sallyannemum just consider the possibility that other women here may know just as much, or more on this than you do. Just consider the possibility.

Sallyann
The assumptions said is a result of you not telling anyone that your child was transgender until very late in this thread. You posed the question hypothetically so people were being honest and not getting at you personally. Saying that, we all have right to our opinion and telling someone to shut up is overly defensive. If you assumed all would have your view then you are obviously not looking at all sides of the coin. I have researched everything I can. That includes all perspectives. I am aware what people might think about my views. If I wasn't prepared to take some hostility I would not engage. But you started the post. I am not saying you are wrong to support your child in whatever way yo want but neither am I. My support is different and one I will have to live with. It might change but for now I still believe my child's presenting to be trans is a symptom.

Truthwillwin My heart goes out to you. I don't think I've read a truer post than the one you've just written. It is a cult and it's terrifying.

I will gladly take your sympathy. I agree it is Alice in wonderland bullshit. I can say this because I am a parent with a different perspective than the Op.
I have no one to turn to. Every institution is being fed this ideology to the point that it will seem that the parent opposing this is abusive and they are the ones with mental health issues.
How sad is this. How terrible is it that parents are no longer allowed to question and give their child space to live an informed life that changes with experiences and maturity. My teen self is very different to my adult self. And, I am still learning about myself even though I am a long time on this planet.
If anyone here has a child/teen, I would seriously keep a close watch.
This is also a trend. Kids love to be part of trends. They don't have our knowledge on gender construct. They only see what is put out there now. This seems normal to their developing mind. 72 genders, gender spectrum etc will seem OK. I thought I taught my child about gender but the whole explosion blindsided me. I was unaware. Too busy thinking about the usual teen dilemmas. This though is our kids dilemma. Cutting, goth, emo, suicide, anorexia, drugs and alcohol are being replaced by hormones, masectomies, castration, neo vaginas, chest binding, facial reconstruction, breast implants, voice coaching and feminity /masculinity coaching. We have gone backwards and redefining sex to fit with the hyper sexualistion of females and the toxic masculinity of males. I thought we had progressed but evidently not.

‘Your teenage child tells you they think they are transgender, they have researched the subject on the internet and talked to others, What would your reaction be ?,’

I would ask ‘what makes you think you might be transgender?’

I haven't read this whole thread so I apologise in advance if I'm wrong or have missed something, but I get the impression that your child is what used to be known as transsexual @sallyannemum? Presumably if they are planning on physically transitioning then they have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

I'm trans and I've been posting on here for over a year now. IME people on here don't have a problem with those who wish to physically and socially transition.

I'm afraid we will have to disagree on that, sallyannemum. I'm sure you and your child are going ahead as you both see best, but I see things very differently, and I do have sympathy for parents who see their kids caught up in this kind of ideology.

Thank you to those who have shared their personal insights and stories on this thread. I have been touched by much of what I've read. So many women who have been through so much, searching for truth, holding tight to compassion, considering the needs of the many and the few. Sometimes coping is a triumph.

Having said that, I've got every sympathy for parents whose kids have been drawn into this kind of nonsense - there but for the grace of god, and all the rest of it. I don't think any of us could have possibly imagined ahead of time the kind of Alice-in-Wonderland bullshit that kids are exposed to now.

I don't believe my DS would ever do this, as we've had conversations his whole life about gender stereotyping, and he knows he can do whatever he likes and present however he likes without having to believe the lie that he's a different sex.

Thanks OP, although my question was more about how you feel about your child taking hormones and surgery rather than the transition itself.

OP

Genuine question as my friend is going through this with her child at the moment. I am assuming your child is a young adult since you have talked about a driving licence.

If your child decides to have them, do you have any concerns that your child might regret any medical interventions in the future?