Feminism and Disability

@ISaySteadyOn

Solidarity sister - fellow dyspraxic here, I get you. Rather than failing at feminism I feel like being clumsy makes you feel like you're failing at womaning. Little girls are supposed to be graceful, calm and quiet. That was really hard for me and I always felt like a bumbling hippo or something.

Glad to hear I am not the only one, it's such a rare learning difficulty that you don't hardly ever meet another one.

Dyspraxics of the world untie!

I think avoiding some things is a natural and healthy response. Life shouldn't consist of a constant struggle, when there are other ways of dealing with it.

This is a good current thread about the Superwoman problem, and shows that it's completely normal to struggle with the issue!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3243863-To-ask-just-how-do-you-make-it-all-work-Life-admin-etc

Isaysteadyon with all the love in the world I want to tell you off for feeling like a failure because your not. And your definitely not letting women down due to your disability.

It gets me so cross the expectations we put on women and I'm glad UpStartCow has a name for the superwoman thing, me and spontaneous touched on that the other day in a different thread.

I think disability and feminism really does need to be talked about more so thank you for starting the thread.

I hope some more smarty pants posters contribute because I would really like to read more on the subject.

Sometimes I read what people post about DHs and DPs and housework and think that if DH posted about me, he would be told to LTB.

My son is dyspraxic - and now that I know what I'm looking at, DP clearly is too. We just work around stuff - DS1 will never have lace-up shoes for example (and DP never undoes his!). I think this is where the partnership comes in. DP finds driving exhausting, so I do most of it. He finds supermarkets stressful, so I generally do it. BUT, the important thing is that he does try if we need him to - if I'm sick, or if we need some stuff and we're out. He's not being lazy, it's that equal effort has different results because they find some things genuinely hard.

And this is a huge point in feminism - that the equality we're seeking doesn't mean treating everyone the same - it means treating everyone fairly, and taking into consideration that person's needs - be that because they are female, or because they are dyspraxic, or because of any other thing.

this should be what intersectionality helps with - how the expectations on you as a woman, are exacerbated by the expectations placed on you as a dyspraxic woman.

OP

My older daughter is dyspraxic, so I know how hard it can be. The kind of "feminism" that criticises other women for not being able to compete successfully with men on men's terms isn't feminism, in my view. Just keep telling yourself that. Also, your disability will have given you valuable insights and empathy, as well a greater resilience and persistence from having had to overcome obstacles - it certainly has for my daughter. Those are positive things, to be embraced, and they are what you should focus on, IMO.

It has a name - The Superwoman Fallacy.
I think it comes from 2 places, the first is the pressure women are under to be perfect, and the second is the general ignorance about disabilities and what they actually mean. A lot of people respond to disability with a version of 'you should just try harder', for example shouting at Deaf people.

Your reaction to your own disability is one of guilt and the feeling you are letting all women down instead of self empathy and self care. Thats part of your female socialisation.

People who believe 'if you cant do it all you can't be a feminist' are the ones failing at feminism.
Feminism is the analysis and understanding of the status quo. You can be a feminist even if your situation means are completely unable to put any of it into practice.