Feminism and Disability

I absolutely agree. I think having a uterus is bloody (pardon the pun) hard, and yet women arre often accused of being malingerers etc. And the way that certain things present differently in female people is ignored eg. Autism.

My issue is that there is no special support for dyspraxia - I think that this type of activity is much more beneficial in symptom management that organisational tools/free computers. They basically just give you the same package of care as a dyslexic but it's not really the same thing.

DJ - yes, you've hit it on the nose - it's a different problem, and needs a different assistance - and yes, sport/exercise is the secret for DS too (just not anything that involves rackets/bats unless you want a continuous stream of injuries for playmates!) - the OT explained it as a combination of strengthening weak muscles (eg. DS always lounges on me) but also wearing them out a bit, as muscle control is another issue (eg. gripping a pencil and writing so firmly that you break the nib and exhaust your hand).

That and just habit training. If I can get him into a habit of always putting his coat by the door, then he's less likely to lose his coat - routine gives him one less thing to think about organisationally - yet another area of course where the whole 'women can multi-task' trope is just another area you'd feel you were failing if you're dyspraxic.

^the roles I failed to fulfill because of my disability

That's OK @SarahCarer IMO we need to stop 'speaking through flowers' I think we can all tell you have good intent you don't need to apologise.

This thread just shows how awful the concept of gender is when you fail to live up to your assigned behavior. I could choose to ignore many expectations (cos I thought they were BS) but the roles I failed to fulfill because of my gender somehow hurt me more - maybe because I couldn't choose to reject those expectations. I just couldn't do them so I felt guilty in my failure.

Sorry didn't mean to sound like I was minimising the challenges you face.

I used to line manage someone with ADHD. He had found all sorts of ways to self manage his challenges and maximise his strengths. I really enjoyed working with him.

Sorry o/t

Op (and others) I'm honestly bewildered by the idea that failing at housework could mean you're failing at feminism. I'm hopeless at housework and I think I'm actively contributing to women's rights by failing so spectacularly at it.

Oh, and:

-obsessing
-getting over focused on the small details

• conversely, missing small details
• having trouble finishing things and letting them go

Oh I forgot PROCRASTINATION and A TENDENCY TO OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS

Putting those two in caps 'cos they're right bastards

Quentin Speaking in general terms so as not to be too outing, and because there are symptoms below that I don't have but others with ADHD do:

• time blindness. The ADHD joke goes that ADHDers perceive time as now, or not now.
• If it's out of sight, it's often out of mind
• daydreaming a lot
• led by what interests us in the moment, rather than what needs to be done, leading to us 'not seeing' the things that need to be done ... until there's a deadline and the adrenaline kicks in
• ADHDers typically need to be motivated by the carrot or the stick to do things they don't necessarily want to do at a time when they may not want to do it
• if passionate about something, getting totally involved

• sensitive to your environment

• very passionate about stuff, strong sense of injustice
• feeling easily overwhelmed, especially by Things That Need Doing
• generally creative and lateral thinking (that's a 'good' symptom )
• being a night person (tends to be true for a lot of ADHDers)

I'm pretty sure I have ADHD as well so this thread is really interesting.

ring I have often wondered if I have adhd, what kind of symptoms do you have?

This is why gender is bullshit. We've internalised all this blue brain/pink brain crap rather than accepting we're all just people. Socialisation exists as does biology but at the end of the day we're all still human animals.

Hello, so pleased to see this thread. Really interesting to discuss this.

I'm also a neurodiverse feminist (to use a rather wanky-sounding phase!!)

I have ADHD, which is a hidden disability and very much seen a male one. It can present quite differently in girls and women but we're considered to to be much better on the whole at masking it and being polite and sitting quietly because, socialisation

What's interesting about the intersection of my feminism and disability is I've grown up with this weird dichotomy: on one hand I feel I was failing at womaning by not being good at 'housekeeping' - I find household organisation overwhelming at times as I struggle with prioritising properly and am time blind.

But on the other, I feel I've failed as a feminist by being too 'woman-y' when it comes to emotions. ADHD affects emotional regulation and, darn, have I exhibited this at times. I'm much better now I'm diagnosed and medicated, but darn I've detested how I've come across in the past as fitting the stereotype of the over-sensitive, oft hysterical, stroppy woman. It was put down to my femaleness, by both others and me, when in fact a lot of it was my ADHD.

I could recommend sporting activity. I wasn't sporty at all growing up but I find that regular exercise (esp Pilates and yoga) I have a greater connection to my body and I am much more aware of it's place in space. My issue is that there is no special support for dyspraxia - I think that this type of activity is much more beneficial in symptom management that organisational tools/free computers. They basically just give you the same package of care as a dyslexic but it's not really the same thing.

Oh, sorry, so yes, bringing it back to feminism!

DS1's handwriting, his lack of interest in art etc. was excused for a long time because he was a boy, DP's forgetfulness is excused, and I take up the slack. I can completely see how for girls, who are expected to be good at this stuff, there's an added dose of 'not womaning' correctly - and if you don't get the right partner, no-one to pick up the slack either.

I think I learned to mask my dyspraxia by avoiding many things.

this is exactly what DS1 does - he pretty much never brought home art from playschool for instance, because holding a brush was really hard for him, so he just always avoided the art table. I didn't actually realise there was something properly different about him until DS2 came along, and I realised that other kids really did just pick up stuff like feeding themselves yoghurt, or putting on their pants, or pouring themselves a drink - whereas we'd had to painstakingly train DS1 in how to do it, and the strategies for doing it. He didn't go on slides or swings, or want to use a toilet because balance was so hard that he was permanently in fear of falling (a real fear, due to the clumsiness and issues with muscle control)

Like your drink example, he can walk into a room looking for a giant, red object, that's right in front of him, genuinely look, and not see it! - if you watch DS1 pour himself a glass of milk vs. DS2 the difference is stark - DS1 has to concentrate so hard!

And in winter, I've just given in and get bulk packs of hats and gloves, and trawl the lost property every couple of months for whichever coats have gone to school and not come back.

I can see how it can be missed - DP spent his school days basically being told off for being lazy/having bad writing/bad memory/etc. it's easy to see how that could happen if you didn't realise it wasn't any of that, just that all that stuff was actually harder for him than for other people.

I am constantly loosing things as well. I think it genuinely costs me about £1,000 a year in replacing lost/broken items.

Thanks Steadyon. That sounds frustrating. If you don't mind me asking is it like a recall problem? Like in a similar way some dyslexics struggle to recall the correct word or phrasing while speaking or writing except for dyspraxics it's a recall problem for movement? Really sorry if my question is super ignorant! I get it can be a spatial awareness problem as well (just trying to prove now I'm not completely ignorant )

I think professionals and parents struggle to pick up when someone has dyspraxia, I know many people who have it almost like a tag along condition to dyslexia, add/adhd, ASD but I think I've only met one person (a woman) who had it diagnosed as a stand alone condition. Ignorantly I don't know much about it because of that except there's problems with coordination and sometimes being organised.

Looking forward to the dyspraxia women uniting!

Actually, it's not that rare - I've read 2% of the population have it severely, and 4% more moderately. Which means there's likely to be one child in every classroom (on average). I think lots of people are still unaware of it, and so it's under-diagnosed. Awareness has improved dramatically in the last 20 years (my daughter is now 27), but still has a long way to go, unfortunately.