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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

"I feel like a woman"

190 replies

pearsapplesbananas · 09/05/2018 07:01

I am a transgender woman. The following doesn't in any way pretend to be a universal account of all trans women's experiences and thoughts, just mine.

When I say "I feel like a woman" to somebody, what I mean is:

I wish I was born in a female body. I wish I had a female reproductive system, and that I could carry a child. Every time I look into the mirror, I want to smash my face against it. Every time I look at a "normal" family, my heart sinks, because I will likely never get to have that. Hormones make me feel less bad. Besides easing my physical dysphoria, they have also important psychological effects (like some women experience with their cycles). They are a tool that helps me deal with my… bad luck at birth.

But I'm slowly starting to empower myself. Coming out of this endless spiral of self-disgust and self-pity. I might be wrong but, from what I read, it seems like there is a discussion framed as a dichotomy: that giving me a decent chance to life is a direct attack on women's rights. Well, I wouldn't see how, and of course, I wouldn't want it to be.

As a consequence, both sides of the discussion attack each other. Often, with what I consider cruelty, inhumanity and viciousness, lacking the most basic empathy. It's as if we all left our humanity at home, for our families and loved ones, and were fighting as animals against each other.

I think both sides could benefit from working together, we have many things to teach one another and many fights in common. For example, better healthcare. I read a post on this forum, about the access to laser by women with PCOS. In all honesty, I don't think a single transgender woman would oppose this. In fact, it's something that I (and many others) would advocate for. Similarly, there are many other topics framed as dichotomies that would more likely be solved if they weren't.

The only people benefiting from all this is people who regard women and transgender people as lesser than.

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EmpressOfSpartacus · 14/05/2018 12:45

Empress, and was there a male bodied person in there which no doubt would have made you feel a whole lot better?

Do you think that would have helped me to appreciate my cis privilege, Rosy?

rosylea · 14/05/2018 10:51

Empress, and was there a male bodied person in there which no doubt would have made you feel a whole lot better?

EmpressOfSpartacus · 14/05/2018 08:43

I'll tell you what's making me feel like a woman right now.

Period coming two days early, about 100m into my morning 10k, and having to detour to find a shop & a toilet.

Angry
thebewilderness · 14/05/2018 03:37

My apologies Sengah.
You had the right of it.

Sengah · 13/05/2018 17:29

Thanks so much for cutting and pasting those few links @MargeH they helped me realise that girls in Africa do indeed have shit lives! Education is also a lot worse on the continent so it is helpful when people from elsewhere explain things to us ignorant Africans. Do they know it's Christmastime at all? Feminism clearly does not a critical thinker make; if Kim Crenshaw were dead she would be turning in her grave.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 14:38

Grin Ah what did KittyPerry call them... Ultra Gay Men

wokenews727974324.wordpress.com/

LaSqrrl · 13/05/2018 13:51

How did we go so far backwards from the 1980s? Back then men were more likely to wear high heels and make up than I was! And they were usually straight and Gender Bending was juts what we all were, sometimes!

Fast forward and then a bunch of straight dudes decided it was yet another 'good way' to oppress women and get their freak on. And call it 'progressiveness'. And win at the Oppression Olympics (gold medalist in Jenner for both, eh?)

LaSqrrl · 13/05/2018 13:43

For shame! Say 15 Caitlyn Jenner Is Stunning And Brave's and report back to Gender HQ for further penalties.

Only 15? Gee, your Gender Church is most lax. Where I come from, it's a solid 25. I am going to transfer, asap!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 13:37
Grin

I've pondered that before. How did we go so far backwards from the 1980s? Back then men were more likely to wear high heels and make up than I was! And they were usually straight and Gender Bending was juts what we all were, sometimes!

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 13:00

I've known a few men like that, and once upon a time everyone knew they were just a bit unconventional (or fetishy, or both). How exactly is pretending that they're women progressive? You could ask friend this once she's finished stropping. If he doesn't think he's a woman then why does she get to overrule him? She didn't (gasp!) guess someone's gender without asking and thus misgender them, did she? For shame! Say 15 Caitlyn Jenner Is Stunning And Brave's and report back to Gender HQ for further penalties.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 12:46

Does DHs mate think he's a trans woman or a crossdresser? Would be extra funny if he doesn't even ID as trans. No. He has never IDs as trans. He used to be a Gender Bender, Boy George ruled the pop charts, then 'came out' as a cross dresser, more Marilyn than Boy George, by dint of just arriving in the pub after work having changed his jeans and jumper for a frock - no make up, long hair only when it was The Fashion!

He has always said it was just 'his thing' and yes, his fetish.

And no, he has absolutely no interest in anything TRAs have to say. He thinks they are very odd!!

(No news from angry friend as yet)

Noqonterfy · 13/05/2018 12:25

Feminists don't attack trans people. Some transwomen attack feminists. Feminists want to protect their spaces and keep themselves safe. Some trans women don't understand or care about this, instead wanting access to women's spaces whatever the costs. Feminists have never said they want to erase transwomen. Some transwomen however want to erase women.

Hope this helps.

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 12:20

How do you know if someone is trans? In theory it's ask them and they'll tell you, in practice it's ask a TRA and they'll tell you, and won't care if the person themselves disagrees.

LaSqrrl · 13/05/2018 12:17

Does DHs mate think he's a trans woman or a crossdresser? Would be extra funny if he doesn't even ID as trans. I've noticed a lot of gender true believers trying to claim people as trans who're just GNC (or fetishists).

Oh my goodness AAK, do NOT question the 'wisdom' of the cult! They know best you know. One hundred dudes in frocks in a line-up, they have speshul TW spidey senses to pick the 1-2 'Genuine Transwomen™'. But in the Bonus Round, they will include the rest of the dudes under the Trans Umbrella®. Reasons!

Also, I kind of don't mind the ploppy thing, if they plop and run. Far better than the convoluted justifications for untenable positions that usually follow. My brain go explody to try and follow that logic.

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 10:57

At this point the only non-trans person I know will soon be my stepmother, who insists on wearing at least 2 pink items at any given time.

Ereshkigal · 13/05/2018 10:47

It's because it undermines their absolute position if they don't.

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 10:45

Does DHs mate think he's a trans woman or a crossdresser? Would be extra funny if he doesn't even ID as trans. I've noticed a lot of gender true believers trying to claim people as trans who're just GNC (or fetishists).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 10:33

bunch of men in the pub in dresses, Saturday night and all, but this particular one, who I assumed looks just like all the others, is a woman because he says so?

DH thinks she may have mistaken some random bloke in a frock out for a daft night for his mate who is a cross dresser and can often be seen in the pub, in a dress. We've known him since the 80s. But he was at work, on the same night shift DH was!

Oh, it's all confusing Smile

LoislovesStewie · 13/05/2018 10:28

I don't know what it feels like to be a woman. I just know what it is like to be me. I don't know how it feels to be the Queen, or Kim Kardashian, or Mother Theresa, or Sophia Loren. Perhaps accepting that might solve some issues?

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 10:25

So wait, bunch of men in the pub in dresses, Saturday night and all, but this particular one, who I assumed looks just like all the others, is a woman because he says so?

I wonder if this is how she finds tradespeople. "Well he said he was a fully trained plumber..."

Ereshkigal · 13/05/2018 10:25

Yes maybe she did. It doesn't sound like she knew how to argue against your position.

AngryAttackKittens · 13/05/2018 10:23

My poor scroll button is going to break soon.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2018 10:22

I don't know! Initially I thought she was joking. She is one of the people in my life I know are sensible, funny, but well read and prone to taking the mickey out of MLMs and other sillinesses.

But she was serious. She started the discussion, based on someone one in the pub (man in a dress, lots of men in dresses - it was a silly night). She said that one of them was a woman, I said no, he was a man. She said no, she is a transwoman and so she is a woman.

I demurred, based mainly on the fact that the man in question is not the transwoman in the village. I added that transwomen were men. They were born men and would die men and whatever they did in the intervening years would not change their chromosomes.

And off she went! I don't know what will happen now. I don't think I will be starting any conversation with her. I think I'll let her come to me.

But I definitely don't think she is the same woman I thought she was yesterday morning, iyswim!

But maybe she managed to Peak a few people in the pub Grin

Ereshkigal · 13/05/2018 10:22

Anything but the multiple 1000 word comments! Anything!

Lol yes.

LangCleg · 13/05/2018 10:19

I prefer the plopping to multiple 1000 word comments

Anything but the multiple 1000 word comments! Anything!

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