What do your male partners make of GRA

Same as nightowlagain DH thinks I'm prejudiced, unkind and that I've been swayed by the MN echo chamber. We've had a couple of big rows about it.

I cannot be seen to have a public view on this (job related) and not being able to discuss it with DH as well makes me feel stifled and ignored.

@PunkrockerGirl59 I think we need to start having these arguments TBH.

My husband thinks it's all ridiculous but also that I'm a bit obsessed. But all his friends recently have got a bit obsessed over different issues.

Men/partners I have spoken to think it’s mad.
I have circulated the petition.
There is one who is very sympathetic to trans cause but it ends at sharing of sex segregated spaces.

My daughter gets very upset at my radical feminism. She has attached gay rights to the trans cause and thinks I’m somehow phobic/anti. She puts feelings first, has cried at me ‘I don’t understand’. She also uses the term cis.

People who are sympathetic tend to think of the trans teens and non threatening types they know. A friend has said to me ‘do you actually know any trans people?’
This is not about individuals. It is about men exploiting changes in the law.
Surprised that people are happy for women to take the hit to validate/protect trans feelings.

DH was always a kind person, but when we were first dating in our early 20s, he had an experience that I think really impacted his view of women's lives. He was leaving my house one night when a woman ran out in front of his car. She flagged him down, and got him to take her to hospital. She had been badly beaten and was terrified. He had never seen a battered woman outside of TV/Movies' fake make-up and it really shook him. He began donating to the local woman's shelter every month and has never stopped (almost 30 years ago).

When I found out about self id and the TRA/MRA agenda in Jan (I know! I'm woefully behind), I just told him everything I was learning as I learned it, and he got it immediately. Like me, he is also furious. We have daughters and he is incredibly protective of them and anyone who is vulnerable.

Our DC also got it right away. Almost all of the friends and family I told had no idea, but were all shocked and angry. One darling friend who did know, had been afraid to talk about it, and was almost ecstatic with relief when I brought it up. We are all very supportive of LGBTQ, so she was afraid of being labelled 'phobic'. Have to admit I felt like sobbing with relief to be able to discuss it all in RL with someone who already knew.

Massive thank you to the women of FWR for all the informative posts

DH gets narky about my feminism and is very NAMALT. However with the TRA, GRC and Self ID thing he is totally on board. He thinks it's ridiculous, takes the piss, and the Sports thing utterly infuriates him.

We did get into a row about ManFriday, but he backed down when 13 yr old DD took the piss out of him for being two-faced. Whilst when it was me raging he was disinterested, but once his daughter laughed at him he listened.

I've had a couple of conversations at work with very lefty teachers that didn't get it (Male and female), but thankfully a few facts peak transed them pretty quickly (especially the Male maths teacher over the trans-suicide stats!)

Its a non-issue round here.

Exactly the same op. Down to the hand maids tale, even when I tried to tempt him over the political coup bits...

I was in hysterics over the nus debacle and he wanted to know what was so funny - my first sentence regarding changing the loo signs created a face that may as well have been in reaction to me saying I'd been accepted to NASA (heavily pregnant.)

He's been a bit quizzical about why I give a damn and I'm getting so angry as he thinks things like Brexit and the general political climate are more worthy. But he's one of 3 boys, we have - boy(s) (one almost due) and works in a very male dominated industry. Also, none of it directly affects me from his POV. Though I do regularly point out the number of my highly educated friends who've all been in domestic abuse/ violence situations and had to pick up the pieces so I think some things are filtering through.

Mind you, when I mention sport etc, his reaction is that "well obviously that's really stupid" as if it's completely given that is nuts and everyone knows this.

For me though it's all about stereotypes impacting children, girls and boys.

I'm hoping he'll watch the hands maid tale so I can mention every part has happened.

My OH was a bit bewildered initially as I'd always been very supportive of trans rights but kind of gets why I'm concerned. He thinks TRAs are niche though and wont impact me so why am I getting involved.
What did help to get through to him was the realisation that a young female relative's feminist Facebook posts became almost exclusively about supporting mtf trans and no longer about women's rights when she went to uni

Yeah, my DH's concern about me poking TRA's is less "be nice" and more "be careful, these people are batshit crazy".

Mine thinks they are all barking and that GRA is harshly and the implications very dangerous. He peaked last week when his Twitter account was suspended after a tra pile on after he suggested they open their own LBGTWxyz cafes if they wanted them.

He thinks that lgb and feminists will be the ones most hurt by the pushback though.

He's right.

Similar to pp, mine thinks it's a fringe issue and probably that it'll all come to nothing (because the concept is so nuts!). We had a fight about it once when he was almost rolling his eyes at me.

I now pick carefully curated examples to illustrate my POV. He is now putting on his crampons and heading towards peak I think - some of the recent sports stuff really narked him even though he isn't really a sports fan - I think it was just the most effective example in his mind.

Thanks for the information.

Dh is a conservative, not university educated (but big on self education), blue collar guy. He thinks the whole thing is ridiculous, bourgeois, first world, fake people problems. He says that no one will build a revolution around a tiny percentage of trans people. Then when I tell him they already are through backdoor funding and language manipulation and law changes, he just reiterates that 'the workers' won't fall for this shit and if they push too hard there'll be a push back. Then he starts in on civil disobedience and effective political movements and I start to regret bringing it up!
He thinks that lgb and feminists will be the ones most hurt by the pushback though.

DH gets it but thinks it's too ridiculous to be a serious threat.

Glom

I spoke to someone about it a few days ago. I was pushing at an open door. She got it before I had to go into loads of details. It was very liberating because I'be put feelers out to other people and been shut down

Official report said it was over a "property dispute" and then there was pretty much total media silence, which is not the way the murder of an interracial lesbian couple and one of their children would normally be handled in a liberal part of the US.

SorryAAK cross posted.

WomaningreenOne of the transgender advocates who used to harass women at Michfest is arrested for murdering two Lesbians and their son.
www.feministcurrent.com/2016/11/17/whats-current-81/

There was a lesbian couple murdered in California by a TIM with a history of involvement in exactly the kind of trans activism that women here are concerned about. Used to protest outside Michfest, etc. The TIM murdered one of their children too (young adult son, found dead outside the house the women were inside so I assume he was trying to protect his mothers and prevent the TIM from getting into the house).

DH does get it ... but downgrades it. He honestly doesn't think this is going to constitute a real threat. My mum also thinks I should 'step back, stop getting het up, it'll blow itself out'. DH is an academic and knows a bit about this area and is therefore 'professionally sceptical' but otherwise thinks, I suspect, that it's just one of my 'causes' and I'll be ranting about something else in a few months.

Anyone else really concerned about broaching this with friends? I've been putting out feelers to a few mates but am choosing carefully. I've always been massively tolerant and supportive of gay and queer rights and right now I feel like a DM reader. And the whole sodding thing is so nuanced it's very hard for people not to think you've just turned into an unpleasant bigot.

DH is and has always been completely gender critical. He hates the whole GRA movement and feels it is unfair that there are male bodied teenagers playing in DDs netball league. He gets irritated with other aspects of my radical feminism but understands this completely.

@AngryAttackKittens

What's this about a murder?

DP, DF, male friends horrified. Couple of women friends think it's fine and can't see what we're worried about.

Sports peaked my dh. Then when I showed him an article about proposed guidelines for the Scouting movement (he's a Leader) he became upset, "How can I support someone to do something I believe is fundamentally wrong?!" He sees allowing children to transition as equivalent to allowing child abuse.

But dh does not, as yet, see the fundamental misogyny of trans. he sees it as a mental health issue.

I talk about it a lot so sometimes I think it bores him a bit. But he totally gets it. And my teen sons do too now. Oh and also my lefty dad