I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

I am not wanting to win anything or think the worst of anything.

I just don't get starting a conversation (MN and IRL) and then not participating in it very much.

That said i am a big mouth chatterbox so I don't get missing any chance to chat and talk.

If OP is in work, then OP can't be a TRA doing a stealthy AMA, so that's one fewer thing to worry about

Not I don't think its odd.

There is a thread with a whole pile of questions aimed at just one person. Some are more hostile than others (whether fairly or unfairly).

I think that would be hard for most people to deal with. I think perhaps the OP wasn't expecting quite that many.

Just, chill. Have a little patience before thinking the worst.

I know that people feel like they have had their fingers burnt on similar threads in the past, but I do think you have to cut a little slack and at least try and give some benefit of the doubt. Otherwise yes, you are not supporting a debate you are just supporting a confirmation bias.

Remember its not about being seen to 'win' every argument.

@bekksy your post articulates my feelings on gender stereotypes so well thank-you!

AMA posters, don't start an AMA if you have to head off to work...

soup
Fair point but it does seem odd to start a thread that you know will have a lot of posts when you haven't really got the time for it.

That is just my opinion.

Thanks, Persian! (apols to others for derail) I've had a look online and I suspect aural migraines combined with asthma might rule it out but we'll talk to the GP.

@starfishsunrise ...

"I wish I had been able to go ‘ oh, it all makes sense now’
I love him, I don’t mind if he’s gay or straight ( he said he still likes girls) I want him to be happy. But how could he hide all these feelings? Wouldn’t we all have had some sort of clue?

Cards on table : I don’t want him to change gender. Be gay, be straight, wear flamboyant clothes but don’t mess with your hormones or chop your body up."

I have not managed to read the whole thread so I don't know what answers you got for your comments. I have a very dear friend whose dd has gone through a bit of a 'transgender' phase, or is identifying as a boy, if you prefer that way of saying it.

There is a lot of info out there, you can google around and get advice.

There are some good bits of info at...

www.transgendertrend.com/

and

4thwavenow.com/

Don't know if those have been mentioned. Feel free to pm me if you wish.

I'd also say, you say "I love him" that is fabulouos, important, necessary to say (because he may not feel very loving towards himself if he is struggling). Maybe he will tell you more, maybe something has happened and made him start to question who he is.

Let him talk to you because whatever happens, he will need you and you love him.

Perhaps Ariadne is at work? and is just fitting in a quick update as and when she can. I appreciate people wanting her to come back and answer more questions, I do too.

But I also appreciate that not everyone can dedicate an entire day to an internet forum (even if MN is best one)

I think it shows how interesting the issues are and indeed it would be useful to hear respectful answers from quite a few transwomen to all the interesting questions above.

One thing that I don't get on MN is why start a thread and then not really participate in it?

@AriadneRose " I am feeling a bit overwhelmed" I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and hope that some of this has been of use. I've not even had time to read it all. Anyway, all the best.

therealposieparker

Here's the crux of the issue, a person's subjective belief about who they are has no place influencing our laws. If the subjective beliefs of individuals had any real place in society women wouldn't need feminism.

This. Absolutely, 100% this.

Slightly changing the subject, I wonder how many men would still want to become transwomen if they had to actually suffer things like natal women.

Look at Lottie's DD., poor thing may find her GCSEs more of a struggle than they should be purely because of the fact her female body is doing its female thing.

(I mean this in the nicest possible way Lottie)

We have grown up with the privilege of our birth sex, and we forget that we are not entitled automatically to other resources because we change gender.

Thank you for acknowledging this.

Also, thank you for being open to the idea of protected third spaces. There are countless individuals in society that could benefit from private, safe accommodations, (those with medical issues, such individuals who must care for colostomies, urinary catheters, peritoneal dialysis, or administer injections for a variety of conditions). I am often under the impression that many trans-women reject the idea of third spaces because they want validation and full acceptance of their status as "women." In other words, ideology trumps safety.

However, I'd like to go back to something that you mentioned at the beginning of the thread. You note that puberty is especially traumatizing for trans individuals. I cannot state emphatically enough that puberty is traumatic for MANY humans, and that body dyphoria occurs in both sexes and all sexual orientations. I can recount to you story after story of adolescent patients engaging in destructive and self-harming behavior because of the profound effects of puberty. (Without going into detail, I can include myself.) Learning to accept one's body and changing roles and identities is not something exclusive to trans individuals.

@LancieLottie
Norhisterone (check spelling) is often used by women to delay periods for holidays or weddings etc.

persiancatlady Thanks for the suggestion! She’s a bit wary of trying anything new after the ‘five week period’ debacle when she tried back to backing the mini pill in order, supposedly, NOT to have a withdrawal bleed in between. Exams cover several weeks so she’d have to take it for quite a while, but I’ll have a google and ask the gp.

I will admit my idea of womanhood for me personally is probably just a mishmash of stereotypes that have been handed down to me over the generations. To me women are usually more empathetic, less prone to violence. I know the women in my family are slow to anger, but when they do it is a fierce fire. This is all probably hippy dippy bullshit, and I am sorry if it comes across that way

Now here's the thing...

For decades feminists have been fighting the concept of gender stereotypes and the very idea that having any of these characteristics are uniquely female. Which you prove by just being you. With your support and willingness to work with women we have the power to completely eradicate the whole premise and do a fuck load of mind blowing things...

BUT INSTEAD....

Many Many transwoman have instead decided to grab hold of those very stereotypes, which are destroying even them, and tell the rest of us that we are defined solely by these stereotypes and if we do not comply, do not agree, we are bigoted terfs who deserve to die!

So you see I am not so sure just how much we need, or really want to,
compromise on what defines woman.

Your thoughts would be appreciated .

Thanks

The question I always want to ask when offered the opportunity is: what are you doing for feminism? What feminist books have you read, which women's charities do you support, what kinds of feminist activism do you engage in?

Oh dear Adriade seems to have gone, I don't think you should start an AMA unless you're prepared to answer the questions.

TBH I can see the appeal being a woman in NI despite the legal problems. It is still a society of strong women and if you are part of a community of those strong women you have something very special, but those women doing all the heavy lifting in that society for little to no external validation.

But you have to put in the work to get the benefits

MinaPaws I can fully see this being the case. My gran was left to raise my mum and her sibling during the war. She did what it took to survive, seamstress and taking in lodgers along with any other odd job she could to put food on the table and help the war effort. She said things changed a lot once peace was declared and women were expected back in the kitchen. Sadly for her (and my mum) they both had very traditional marriages and my gran did give up work once the war was over.

Slitherout you have a compelling voice.

But trans people do have rights! They can wear wtf they like; call themselves by whatever name they like, and use whatever pronouns they want (they can ask other ppl to use their pronouns and other ppl can of course decline.....none of this is illegal). They may get a few raised eyebrows if their outward appearance is a bit unusual, but again, that's not illegal. Some of us may say 'trans women are biologically still men' but that is not illegal, and removes no rights from anyone. No one has the right to insist on everyone agreeing with their opinion.

The sole right they do not have, as far as I can tell, is to make use of sex protected spaces. This is in order to protect the dignity, comfort and safety of natal women. This extends to the 'spaces' of sport, scholarships, grants and so on, because it is recognised women have different bodies and needs related to biology and socialisation (so for example, women have a harder time getting into politics, and may need a financial hand for training).

If there are other rights they are 'fighting for', then tell me! If it's thought trans people have a harder time getting into politics, then they can campaign for a similar hands-up.....but not at the expense of the similar hands up to women. 'Cos that is unfair.

Part of the reason I think men are so hostile to women in the working environment is that when women are there they can no longer spread the bullshit about how wonderful they are and how hard they work - women can see that they sit around in meetings talking shit about nothing and delay work to the end of the day so they can avoid going home to do real work - ie cleaning the house and looking after children.

This is it EXACTLY.

The only question i have - which you won't answer - is this.

If we took away gendered clothes, make up and accessories - for example everyone wore the same shirt, trousers, same haircut and no make-up - would you still class yourself as a different 'gender' to your birth sex?

If so - what is it that you class as female that makes you different from being male?

I well believe it @MinaPaws. Part of the reason I think men are so hostile to women in the working environment is that when women are there they can no longer spread the bullshit about how wonderful they are and how hard they work - women can see that they sit around in meetings talking shit about nothing and delay work to the end of the day so they can avoid going home to do real work - ie cleaning the house and looking after children.

There's a lot of guff about how 'diversity' helps companies to be more successful. IMO what that really means is that as soon as you have enough women to institute change actual work gets done, as opposed to perpetual dick swinging.