I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

I think AriadneRose is one of the old school 'trapped in the wrong body' types. I find that easier to understand than 'trapped in the wrong gender'.

Hi @AriadneRose
I agree open debate is needed in order for the situation to move forward. However that is being prevented from happening even here as trans activists are targeting this forum by either posting in bad faith; posting goading comments; posting genuinely transphobic comments in order to screen shot and take back to twitter; posting relentlessly without hearing other POV in order to wear people down; threatening mumsnet's advertisers; sharing personal information and attempting to doxx posters; and endlessly reporting posts which they don't agree with. (note i am talking about trans activists, not all trans women. and note i am not trying to imply this is what you are doing - i am taking your post in good faith)

whilst you are of course welcome here, i believe the best thing you could do would be to attend a Women's Place Uk meeting where women and trans women speak and there is a Q and A afterwards. if you could also use your influence to ask trans activists who speak in your name to cease the threatening and violent behaviour and intimidation that seeks to prevent these open, respectful meetings from even taking place, that too would be great.

Actually OP - can I start again?

Can we start by finding common ground that we both agree on? Would you be up for that?

Good morning.

I would like to echo tiktoks question on rights. Since transgender is already a protected category what extra rights are you seeking?

And secondly if those rights diminish or remove the rights of natal women or girls, (for example by removing sex based spaces or reducing safeguarding) how do you justify that?

Thirdly: do you accept the need for sex (not gender) segregated spaces in the areas defined by the exemptions to the equality act as being necessary for the safety of women and girls?

Not biting. Been bitten by one TIM not giving this one chance to bite me!

Do you think that a person believing that a persons “transness” is a mental illness symptom is transphobic?
I see surgery etc as a medicine that can help alleviate the symptoms and that no one should be discriminated against (without good and sensible reason) for the medical treatment they require .
Would you, broadly speaking, count that as transphobic?

Hi @AriadneRose, welcome to Mumsnet.

You just kind of answered my question, but I am confused about one thing in transactivism. The idea seems to be now that the body isn't an issue, it's all about innate gender identity. Do you agree that if someone is generally happy with their body, but feels drawn to the stereotypical behaviours and cultural associations of the other sex, then they are transgender and should be accepted as members of the opposite sex?

A second question - at what age did you start to feel that your body wasn't right? Have you ever tried to analyse how it all began?

Here's a couple of questions

What language can we use to make it crystal clear that I, as an adult human female have no commonality (regarding sex or 'gender' with someone like yourself (other than what I have with all men and women).

Can you see that you using a word that means 'adult human of the biological sex that produces ova' as your identity causes somewhat of a problem for those of us who fit that description?

And I have a trans sibling. Who unfortunately is one of the "professionally offended", sees insult and misgendering everywhere, internet TRA types. And likes to out women the women.

@AriadneRose

You feel like a woman.

Can you please elaborate on what a woman feels like?

It's a genuine question because as a women I don't feel, I am and no one had ever answered that question.

"esoteric side".

So you believe there are two categories of women? Biological ones, and one that "feel like a woman". Because most women don't "feel like a woman". They just feel like themselves. Human. A person with individual likes and dislikes.

AriadneRose - are you a transsexual, or transgender?

Okay, so long as you know and aren't coming at this from "oh those poor women on fwr have never spoken to a transperson, they must hate us cause they have never had the privilege of speaking to someone as nice as me. I must toddle along and educate them".
Cause

1. We have spoken to, know and in some cases are trans
2. Nobody hates anyone, unless they have done something to deserve that
3. We don't need educating

So long as it's not that then, this thread will go swimmingly :)

I guess I have a question then. Do you think Liverpool will win on the 26th?

I am not angry either. Desperately worried about what influence my ASD children might encounter at school. Worried about vulnerable women in refuges and prisons.
I believe anyone can be who they want, wear what they want etc, right up until the point where it harms others.

I was about to write exactly what Assassinated Beauty has so would love to read your answers.

How do you feel this debate can move forward Ariadne ? What do you feel would do it?

The thing is, a post like this appears quite regularly and while very well meant, the bottom line often turns out to be a belief that the concerns for women in self ID is based on MNetters not having been sufficiently educated, and that by answering their questions and addressing the gaps in their knowledge they will shift to a position of self ID being a great idea.

There are a number of regular MNetters who are trans and many people posting on FWR have trans friends and family, people here aren't concerned because of ignorance or lack of knowledge. My apologies if this sounds suspicious, but often 'moving the debate forward' actually turns out to mean not two way listening or equal interest from either side in better understand the others' feelings and issues, but educating MNetters into compliance.

I'd rephrase @Bi11yOneMate's question a little and say:

What is the definition of "woman"?

How do you know that you are a woman, according to this definition?

Ooh good one tiktok

I'm not 'fuelled by anger' - just serious concerns.

But it's fine you are here :)

I'd like to ask you - thoughtfully, respectfully, honestly, just as you offer - what rights you feel you don't have as a transwoman? Given that we should all have the same rights to healthcare, education, employment, services in law....with the exception of some sex-based protections to ensure dignity, privacy and safety...do you feel you are missing some rights because of being trans?

I'll bite

What do you think a woman is?

Why do you want to become one? Is it the biology, the "trappings of femininity", or how people treat you?

When you encounter aggro do you put it down to your trans status, misogyny, or just that some people are arses?

Hi @AriadneRose
Are you concerned that the push for self ID (especially combined with the loss of the NHS) will mean people with gender dysphoria won't be able to access medical help or surgery?

Ok, I posted this a few months ago. I’d like your opinion as I have never met a transgender person to the best of my knowledge

Hi

Name changed here.

A few months ago my son (15) was in an intense relationship with his first girlfriend. One day I got an accidental email from an account with a girls first name but the girlfriends surname. I assumed it was a relative of the girlfriend but no...my son used the opportunity to tell me it was his other identity and he wanted to be a girl.
We chatted for a bit and I told him I loved him but hoped it was a phase. He didn’t want to tell anyone else. The only ‘sign’ was he started to grow his hair. Everything carried on as normal. He never wanted to chat about it, didn’t want a GP appointment etc.
The girlfriend has since broken up with him. I was hopeful he could move on
Yesterday he left a letter for us all to read to say he wants to be a girl. My husband and older son have read it. We are ok about it. One of the phrases he used was he was jealous of female bodies.

But here is my issue. I just don’t think he is transgender. In the gap between him telling only me and telling everyone in the family I have read a lot. Nothing I have read about anyone else’s experiences seem remotely similar. He has no mental health issues, ( reading shows me depression or autism etc can feature in gender issues). Seems happy enough but quite private, lots of time on his computer.
My son has never shown any interest in anything traditionally female. He’s not a butch boy by any means, hates sport but then my husband is not a traditional character. No football or beer here! We could be seen as hippies by some. My son likes more traditional male things - machines, computers
( I totally know all things are for both sexes, I’m making generalisations for speed)
He still stands up to pee! I had found some girls underwear in his drawer. I assumed it was the girlfriends.
He also goes to an all boys school. He is in Year 11. His friends are boys and they play video games, watch films, eat pizza. The 6th form is mixed and non uniform. Changing schools not an option as the other girls school does not offer the engineering subjects he is determined to take.
There is a bit of phase in the girls school of transgender. He is friends with a few.

So that’s my brief outline. I wish I had been able to go ‘ oh, it all makes sense now’
I love him, I don’t mind if he’s gay or straight ( he said he still likes girls) I want him to be happy. But how could he hide all these feelings? Wouldn’t we all have had some sort of clue?

Cards on table : I don’t want him to change gender. Be gay, be straight, wear flamboyant clothes but don’t mess with your hormones or chop your body up.

I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

What do you think is going wrong in how the two sides communicate? Where do you feel problems lie?