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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

408 replies

AriadneRose · 04/05/2018 10:08

I have been following what has been going on here and on twitter, and thought maybe it would be helpful to open a dialogue that is not reactionary or fueled by anger. So I am offering my own personal perspective as a transwoman, and am willing to answer any questions people might have, and I will try to answer them thoughtfully, respectfully and honestly.

Note: I did not create this thread to stir up trouble, I just feel open dialogue from both sides is necessary for us to move forward.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 04/05/2018 10:48

What are your feelings towards natal women?
What do you think you need and how can it be provided without taking it away from natal women?

YimminiYoudar · 04/05/2018 10:48

Do you think that it should be OK for a group of lesbians who want to self-organise a singles night for the purpose of potentially finding new partners to be able to specify that this is an event that is solely for people who have female chromosomes and female bodies and who want to meet other people who have female chromosomes and female bodies? Is that transphobic in your view?

How prevalent do you think the "cotton ceiling" concept is among the trans community?

SilverDoe · 04/05/2018 10:47

I believe 100% transwomen are women

I would also be really interested to know if you, as a transwoman, share this view? Or do you acknowledge the biological difference? I hope this isn't offensive as I absolutely appreciate and support people to the right to identify, in an emotional sense, as whatever they wish.

But do you agree there should be a disconnect between acceptance and integration? I'm not sure integration is the right word... I guess I mean, do you think instead of everyone saying "trans women are 100% female", it would be more accurate to say, "I respect the fact that you identify as female and are therefore a trans woman". Is it absolutely imperative to most trans people to be fully accepted as biologically belonging to the opposite gender? Is that what you would view as the ultimate acceptance? Or is it enough to be treated with respect and dignity for who you are?

pigmcpigface · 04/05/2018 10:47

How does it make you feel when women can't see beyond their own victimhood, to understand that other groups have also suffered at the hands of dominant power structures? Do you think that there are any lessons that could be learned from Crenshaw's work on intersectionality when it comes to understanding the concept that there can be more than one oppressed group in society?

MissMoneyPlant · 04/05/2018 10:47

Step But then they don't want to change that body and make it totally female by castration and chopping their bits off.

Erm... a castrated male is not a female.

JessicaJonesJacket · 04/05/2018 10:46

Are you concerned that the agenda being pushed by transactivists is going to leave transgender people without appropriate support?
ie the re-categorisation of dysphoria means there will be less MH support for people experiencing dysphoria.
And that the push towards self-id (where no medication or surgery is necessary) will mean less medical support/funding too.
The Conservatives aren't known for their compassion or progressiveness so I see their support of these issues as purely a push to cut funding and that concerns me because the transwomen I know in RL need support.

AriadneRose · 04/05/2018 10:43

@RedToothBrush

Honestly, I think it is fear on both sides. And the fears are legitimate, but they are being handled in a very reactionary manner. Trans people are afraid of losing rights and being murdered, which may sound very dramatic, but I am legitimately afraid to leave my house because I live in a rural area, and the only time local people discuss trans issues, are usually because a trans person has been harassed or beaten. And I think it is the same on the opposite side. Women are afraid that their voices are not being heard and are afraid of losing rights as well. Because women are also targeted for harassment solely because of their identity. I think both sides are dismissing each others fears, because they feel their worries are more valid. So instead of respecting each other and trying to compromise, it is becoming a battle where nobody is winning.

@StarfishSunrise

I can understand your worries and questions, being trans is usually confusing enough for the person experiencing it nevermind loved ones having to go through it. Puberty is one of the roughest times for a trans person, because that is when you body really starts to change, and for dysphoric people, it is cruel. There is a chance that your son has found some good online resources, and that is why they aren't really speaking about it much, and there is also the chance that your child is just exploring gender, as it is seen as more acceptable to do so now, I think you should just keep and eye on them, and as long as their behaviour doesn't turn destructive, let them keep exploring in healthy ways. They may decide not to go ahead with transition. But it heartens me to see you have an open mind.

@UpstartCrow

I have to admit, when I first heard about self ID, I was excited. The prospect of the financial and stressful process to currently gain a GRC weighs heavy on my mind, and I saw it as a way to ease that process for trans and non binary people. But I also think it is dangerous to go from one extreme to the other, I think it should be easier to gain a GRC, but it shouldn't be a free for all either. It is already hard enough to gain access to healthcare as a trans person, so self ID would take some of the strain off, but it is clearly an issue that effects more than just trans people.

@tiktok

The issue with trans healthcare is not so much lack of rights as it is lack of resources. I live in Northern Ireland where there is only one Gender Identity Clinic for the whole country, the waiting times are atrocious. But then again, that is an issue with most specialist treatments on the NHS. There are still countless institutions, such as doctors offices, banks etc etc that refuse to let trans people change their names, even when presented with a deed poll. So it is not so much that we need more rights, but that we need our current rights to be enforced throughout institutions.

@TinkletinkleLittlebat

I think education is needed on both sides. Transwomen especially need to realise that safe spaces exist for a reason. I had an experience last year (which was populated by only trans, nonbinary and intersex people) where we had a number of closed safe spaces. Where people who had experience with a certain issue or identity had access to. And it made me realise how important those spaces are. I do think transwomen should have access to certain safe spaces, but if the space is a closed safe space for women who were born women, then I think that should be respected too. I see myself as a woman, which I know is a controversial opinion, but I am also self aware enough to know I was raised with male privilege, and my experiences and perceptions of womanhood will never be the same as someone born into it.

OP posts:
Bi11yOneMate · 04/05/2018 10:43

Here's something I don't get. Why can't transwomen be proud of being trans and openly accept that their experiences and biological/medical needs are different to natal women? Why the need to deny those differences, pretend they don't exist?
Is it the validation that's needed? The only times I need validation is when my mental health is shakeup - anxiety disorders, eating disorders. I crave validation then but openly acknowledge it is due to my mental health? Does this parallel your trans experience?

LangCleg · 04/05/2018 10:42

Welcome to Mumsnet, OP.

How do you propose to help feminists further women's rights and avoid your personal identity from impinging upon them?

I believe your feelings are real. However, not feeling like a man does not make you a woman. Woman is not a catch-all category for non-men. I find the appropriation of the word woman a direct affront to my identity and existence - and I belong to a class that is also discriminated against and oppressed. So I would ask you not why you think your feelings make you a woman but what right you have to assert that?

JellySlice · 04/05/2018 10:42

I'll bite the elephant in the room:

Are you male?

SilverDoe · 04/05/2018 10:42

I think that opening up a dialogue is a sensible thing to do and I don't think you should be criticised for that :) I don't see the fact that others have done the same, or that similar AMAs exist on other platforms, as reason to dismiss somebody wanting to have a discussion.

Here is my question - I am quite naïve to a lot of the views that trans people supposedly have in regards to this overlap between self ID and infringement on women's rights. I'd love to hear what your opinion is on how representative the TRA narrative is of the actual trans community as a whole.

The main things I have in mind here in particular are the notion that MTF trans women should have access to gynaecological care etc, and of access to shared refuge spaces and prisons. Is this a genuine concern for trans people, or is it something that is misconstrued by women, or is it the voice of a loud but numerically insignificant minority?

I know you can't speak for everyone but I don't like to scour the internet for this information because it seems very extreme one way or the other, and I'm wondering if most or many trans people can empathise and even share the same concerns in terms of these proposed implications on the legalisation of self ID in this country.

MrPan · 04/05/2018 10:41

Schrodinger - is this 'belief' evidenced, or is it an act of faith?

Step · 04/05/2018 10:41

OK..

I really don't get this.

I've seen posts that transsexuals want to be female. I sort of get that as if someone made me live a male life I'd be pretty furious.. Ok they are in the "wrong" body for their mind. Get that.. But then they don't want to change that body and make it totally female by castration and chopping their bits off. That's the bit I don't get, this half way house. And these are the people I'm also having trouble in understanding. Why should I accept these inbetweenies as women? They are not, they've decided it's not totally for them?
Moreover, surely (and correct me if I'm wrong here these people want to live as regular women. So why in goodness sake draw attention to yourself by entering sports where you clearly have an advantage due to anatomical biological birth. Why on earth would they want to disenfranchise natal women? It's simply not bloody fair.

LARLARLAND · 04/05/2018 10:40

Hi,

What's the worst thing somebody has said to you about you being transgender?

Bowlofbabelfish · 04/05/2018 10:40

I believe 100% transwomen are women

Do you believe humans can change sex?

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 04/05/2018 10:40

These threads are always interesting.

One of my concerns with Self-Id is that it will take away professional support. The cynic in me says it’s the Tories making NHS cuts, and will push people to seek help privately or overseas, without emotional support or support for their mental health.

Am I making this up? I haven’t seen anyone question this and I’m wondering why those who are very vocal about ‘trans rights’ aren’t using their voices to protect what they have, and build on it. Women have had to do this, and would be natural allies in the fight, but we’re being alienated.

Where’s the sense, and why isn’t more being done?

aaarrrggghhhh · 04/05/2018 10:38

Do you think you have a mental health condition? (i.e. gender dysphoria - forgive me, I don't have a detailed notion of the language around this as a health condition). If not, why not?

ShotsFired · 04/05/2018 10:37

@AriadneRose The second part of it is the more esoteric side of it, which is the mental aspect, the idea of feeling like a woman, as stupid as that may sound. In counselling, my counsellor would often play devils advocate and ask me 'what makes you a woman?' and it isn't an easy definition. I suppose it is a cognitive dissonance, a disconnect between what my brain expects me to be and what my body biologically is. That is the dysphoria. Sorry if my answer is rambling and nonsensical, but I am trying my best.

OK, let's turn that on its head. How did you know you did NOT feel like a man? What if the feelings you had were/are just how it is?

And part 2 of that - if you are able to articulate how you knew you weren't 'man', how did you know that mean you are 'woman', as opposed to say "zorg"? (In the spirit of openness, I ask that from the position of "not man ≠ woman")

BeyondParody · 04/05/2018 10:36

Disturb, I guess you have 0 and 1 in sex and abcdefg in gender
Some people who are 0 may "feel they are a 1", but letters never fit into the numbered definition.

schrodingerstwat · 04/05/2018 10:36

@AriadneRose

I believe 100% transwomen are women. I absolutely oppose anyone who misgenders you or questions whether you are a woman or not. Welcome to the Sisterhood Flowers

DairyisClosed · 04/05/2018 10:35

Here is something that has been playing on my mind for a while. Two questions:

Do you actually care if some people don't think that trans women are women provided that they arent trying to force their view on you/impacting you in some other way?

Does it actually bother you if people misgender you (beyond the usual irritation at people being rude)?

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 04/05/2018 10:34

Sorry - I missed a bit:

Because my suspicion is that there is no overlap - that we're in an 'OR' situation. ie, two disparate groups who both want to use the same word.

BeyondParody · 04/05/2018 10:34

There's still no shortage of transsexual people doing AMAs on FWR though, notterf. Tbh a transgender AMA would be more of a novelty Grin

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 04/05/2018 10:33

I believe, personally, that woman can be split into two definitions that overlap

This is something I've heard said before - can you describe this overlap? Can you help me figure out where my being a woman overlaps with yours but doesn't overlap with (for instance) my son or partner who are both male?

I'm a programmer, I can't help but analyse how I would code this - how would I code the group 'woman' to include you and me, but not DP or DS?

TrumpTrump · 04/05/2018 10:32

At what age did you know that you identified as a female?

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