I am a transwoman, ask me anything.

Hi Ariadne. Well done on living your truth.

I would just like some perspective from yourself, I have many friends in the LQBTQ community but no trans..we all agree on what I'm about to say, but I'd like to see what you have to say from your own trans experience.

Currently, there's been a huge surge in support for the queer community and this next generation are more open and accepting. There has been a wave of younger people coming out as 'trans' (school kids). A friend, who is gay and a teacher, has commented about the amount of teens suddenly 'identifying' as trans (currently around 10 at the school he teaches at, and we do not live in a high population area). I sympathise with teens truly dealing with this, but I can't help feeling some of these children are doing it for attention and will regret their decision in a few years when they have matured but have already started/made the transition. They get special treatment at school, home and over social media, and teenagers especially feed off this. They might be gay or confused in reality, but by being openly 'trans' they are getting noticed in a way they wouldn't normally. This could be detrimental to people genuinely going through this, in a similar way some people feign or exaggerate mental illness for attention, making it more difficult for those who are really in need.I am wondering whether you agree that the amount of youngsters transitioning is just because of society now being more open, or there is genuine concern that some children are using trans as a way of getting attention?

I'm hoping Ariadne will be another fine exception, SpareRib.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but the chances of this when an OP is all about themselves rather than about women are close to zero. Jaded? Me? I'm sorry to say that I am.

The only thing women have in common is their biology, and the experiences - and politics - directly related to that biology. The rest is personality and choice.

The only reason to try and separate 'woman' from biology is that it excludes people who are biologically male. And it places the desires and feelings of those people above the social, political and practical needs of 51% of the population, making the pecking order and superiority involved very clear.

Why can't people who are biologically male just dress and name themselves and live any way they choose, however feminine, non conforming to gender stereotypes or limitations? That is absolutely something to celebrate and be proud of.

I am a woman.

I do not need to take life-long hormones, have operations and spend hours convincing people I am a woman.

I can wear jeans and a T-shirt and no make-up and short hair and no-one would ever mistake me for a man.

Society judges me because I have chosen not to procreate.

I may experience some sex-specific diseases in my lifetime.

I do not and never will know what it feels like to be a man.

Me! I haz questions

How much time have you spent reading threads in this section of mumsnet? Do you think you have gained an understanding of some of the concerns raised by regular posters?

Have you looked at past threads started by Trans identifying males and considered whether you had a unique and new experience that was worthy of a whole new thread?

Have you explored the rest of the forum and participated in other conversations? Or is this the only topic you really want to discuss with the women who frequent this corner of the interwebz?

Do you understand that it is biology that is at the root of female oppression?

Have you noticed that there are now public spaces that have toilets for men and for all genders (formally women)? Do you understand why many women find this concerning? Do you know when the first female public toilets were available in your town, or nearest big city?

OP you say "but I am legitimately afraid to leave my house because I live in a rural area, and the only time local people discuss trans issues, are usually because a trans person has been harassed or beaten."

Who is it who is doing all this harassing and beating? I'm guessing other men?
You should be going down your local working men's club and educating them, not Mumsnet

Yes, definitely want to know more about rejecting masculinity rather than changing it. Insisting women have to change to accommodate but men don’t? Also, calling out the root of the problem, Male violence, when does the fight against that start?

*Why do TIM’s reject the idea of the provision of third, gender neutral spaces?

Why are TRA’s unwillingly to compromise and find solutions that work for everyone?*

This is kind of what I'm getting at to and I think its answer is really pertinent to this dialogue. It comes down to whether trans people in general feel that it is enough to be treated with respect and dignity in their own right for who they actually are, or whether they are only interested in bending reality as a form of validation.

I know this sounds blunt and confrontational but it is really not my intention I just think it is really important to establish what the underlying thinking is, and I think it's being evaded.

I'm hoping Ariadne will be another fine exception, SpareRib.

@AriadneRose I think you’ve taken on a lot coming on here. It shows that women have a need to discuss this, and want to do so earnestly. I imagine you must feel it’s coming from all sides?

But I would like to know your thoughts on Self-Id and as my earlier question, what people who wish to transition stand to lose.

I’d also like to know what you think of the (for want of a better term) trans ‘poster girls’ such as India W, Paris Lees and Shon F? Because of their high media presence, are they damaging to the perception of trans women? They certainly don’t represent women,l.

Although they present as feminine, when they open their mouths their Maleness shows. It’s a bit like having Katie Hopkins being a Spokesperson for Mumsnet.

I get the impression that TIMs think that we should be flattered that they want to be women that they want to be one of us

Ariadne thanks for your answer.

I think, as other people have said, the fundamental problem is not caused by people with genuine dysphoria but by those who claim to have an innate 'gender', even that they are 'genderfluid' and can slip between multiple gender identities. It's this idea that gender is inside a person instead of a social construct associated with each biological sex. Feminists have traditionally wanted to change or even abolish 'gender', but TRAs enforce it. They argue that a 'cis' woman is one who is okay with her gender as opposed to her sex.

I think that I understand your situation as far as I can. You might even be called 'truscum' by TRAs. What are your opinions on gender critical thought?

The problems transwomen have are caused by other men. Change them, rather than wanting women to do the work & make the sacrifices for you.

^ This

I had a huge amount of help offered on here for DD's crippling menstruation pains (still haven't worked out what we'll do if it buggers up her GCSEs), but she fiercely resisted me telling the school the real reason for her absences and appointments - it gets hidden away and whitewashed.

DH did try to tell me she must be putting it on, and surely most girls didn't make so much fuss about something normal.

Arse. Meet plate.

Lancelottie, that's an interesting perspective 🤔

At work I've always minimised the impact of my biology to avoid getting dismissed as unable to think by men by think a uterus and a brain are somehow connected 🙄 maybe we should be making more of a fuss 🤔

Woman means adult human female

Female is of the sex class that produces ova and gestates young

We are actual people Ariadne. We're not a feeling of dissonance in your head. We exist.
We're not 'humans who are compassionate'
Or 'humans who have long hair'

We are actual, living, recognisable people. What we have in common - ALL WE have in common for certain is our bodies that contain a certain arrangement of chromosomes and a particular reproductive system, whether we reproduce with it or not.

Every one of us was created in and born from a woman. Every one of the billions of humans who exist now and who have ever existed came from the body of the woman who grew and birthed them.

You know who women are. You know what sort of lives we get in a world where men are making the rules.

Please strip away all the stereotypes you want to layer onto us. Give us the respect of recognising us for what we are and accept that we exist as an entity you cannot belong to

I have so many questions and so few opportunities to ask without getting abused for asking the question

Why do so so many transwomen on twitter hate* women so much? I feel like I want to dip my brain in bleach after reading them and I just pick transwomen at random 😢

*Debbie Hatton and Kristina Harrison are lovely exceptions

You should be talking to men about what it is about masculinity which makes men not want to be men anymore

Minapaws Why identify with a sex that has such powerful physical definitions that you cannot and never will be able to experience or understand first hand? E.g. 25% of your whole life coping with griping stomach pains and wondering where the nearest loo is to be able to change sanitary protection; being pregnant; giving birth; menopause etc.

I wonder if it's partly because so much of that is hidden, sanitized, minimized, not shown on screen or in most literature? Maybe, because male transwomen know they can never experience any of that, it just gets filed by the brain as 'bit of womanhood not relevant to me' and phased out of the picture.

Hi Ariadne

Upthread you stated transgender people are afraid of losing their rights. Could you tell us exactly which of their rights are under threat?

I'm sure I don't have to explain to you that women have a very real fear of losing their rights to safety with self ID, and I'm sure I don't have to explain to you how women, from the moment they are conceived are under threat. Can I also ask which aspects of being a woman would you reject? Personally I'd like to live my life without the following:

20% pay disparity
Constant threat of sexual violence
Mansplaining!!! (especially as I work in IT)
Reduced employment and promotion prospects because of my perceived ability to reproduce.
The expectation that shit work, emotional labour, note taking and tea making is somehow linked to uterus ownership
The beauty industry etc
I'd also like to be able to go for a run without having my body commented on by random dudes.

Much as I'd like to, I cannot identify out of the Global Accords Governing The Fair Use of Women How much of this do you recognise in your own life and experience as a trans woman?

Why do TIM’s reject the idea of the provision of third, gender neutral spaces?

Why are TRA’s unwillingly to compromise and find solutions that work for everyone?

You are not a woman you are a man.

Men are increasing deemed toxic and problematic in modern times, perhaps that is the underlying force pulling those with inchoate issues towards identifying as trans?
or maybe it's all the hormones in the water....oestrogenic pollution?

You have a few advantages, such as being able to open your own jam jars.

The conversation: "I am a transwoman, ask me anything", needs to be had with other men. Not here with us.

Yes.

The problems transwomen have are caused by other men. Change them, rather than wanting women to do the work & make the sacrifices for you.

@Posie - that is exactly what I was thinking.

I can recall other threads a bloke has started in order to explain something to us, or so just announce his presence and invite us to ask him questions.

In these cases he usually gets his arse handed to him.