It's always a woman's fault

Oh! I've just realised something awful about myself.

DD was being harrassed by her ex, badly enough that she eventually reported the harrassment (and abuse by then) to the police. I kept thinking "what the hell is his mum saying to him about all this? Why isn't she telling him to stop?". He lived with his mum, so there I am immediately assuming that she could just tell him to stop and so he would.

I am ashamed.

I saw the daily mail headline on Twitter yesterday. It was beyond ridiculous. I pointed it out to DP and his first remark was the woman that tweeted it had said he killed women and not that he killed couples ffs.
It just showed me how ingrained it is.

His first point about that disgusting headline was to zero in on a woman and say yeah sure but she's wrong. Like that's somehow worse.

Then it was yeah but it's the mail what do you expect. It's not "The Mail" it's a national fucking newspaper in 2018 and I expect not to have to put up with this male centric bullshit.

I am so so sick of men and they can fuck off with the NAMALT at this point. I have son's. I am trying to grow them into considerate men but I am fighting against society at this point and am losing with the eldest.

There is something to be said for women only communes

"Treating all men like NAMALT = asking for it"

No it isn't.

Not in RL, whatever the tabloids say. It's simply expecting people to be reasonably fair, normal and honest, which the vast majority are. There are, of course, enough criminals and con artists, or just plain CFs out there that people need to exercise reasonable judgement, as part of being a normal, fair, responsible adult. It does not mean that they overlook the truth, which is that NAMALT, NAWALT, NAPALT, and reminders, when you are talking about outliers can be important.

@Whyarealltheusernamestaken look at the language used to refer to women who have been murdered by men. And then look at the language used to refer to men murdered by women (you may have to look a little harder for those articles, because they’re not as easy to find. Equality apparently didn’t get through to the murdering bastards) and look at the language used.

It’s not the same, equality hasn’t been achieved and you have completely missed the point.

Having worked with young female offenders, I can tell you that 'cherchez l'homme' would be vastly more accurate, seeing as they all had abusive/drug dealer/massively older/pimp boyfriends. But oddly, their offending was their fault...

Speaking as a fellow female, women are also capable of horrible crimes

Well yes - although take a look at the actual statistics around "horrible crimes".

But we aren't discussing that. We are discussing why news outlets feel the need to blame women for men's crimes. If you can come up with a few examples of women doing bad things being blamed on men in the media, I'd love if you shared.

Otherwise why on earth does it matter in a discussion on men's crimes being blamed on women that women commit crimes too? yeah right but what relevance does it have?

Most of the men who own, operate, write for, and read, the corporate media, relate to the perps not the victims. Their first though is for what would cause them to do such a thing, rather than how can we stop this from happening to me and mine.

Speaking as a fellow female, women are also capable of horrible crimes, not needing male influences. Also men can be influenced by women, it happens. I’m not saying that the woman is always to blame, just that the crime itself is individual and it the person who does it who’s responsible, male or female. When did a sex rule apply in guilt? Surely equality means either or both are guilty. The press make things worse for all parties

I also read that out to dh.

Basically quite a lot of men believe there are circumstances which justify killing or raping or hurting a woman. They don't acknowledge even to themselves that they think this but it pops out when these things happen and they say "she got in a dodgy taxi" or "he had a bad break up" or "she wouldn't let him see his children"

I have very explicit conversations with my teenage daughters about men and how men view them. They have the best and gentlest of fathers, grandfathers, brothers and uncles. Doesn't matter - they need to know how the world works.

If she walks home from a night out, gets public transport or gets a male friend to walk her home:

She should have got a taxi".

If the rapist is a taxi driver:

She should never have got in that taxi".

This post should be framed.

Yes that poor girl in Goa that got murdered. They were a slightly hippyish family reading the press you would think it was the mothers fault, not the actual perpetrators

yupp. [sigh] indeed

I remember my solicitor apropos nothing unrelated to the case told me it was important my daughter didn't end up a man hater. I should have said ''it's important she doesn't end up sacrificing her life for a man's convenience''.

Treating all men like potential rapists = misandry.

Treating all men like NAMALT = asking for it.

If she walks home from a night out, gets public transport or gets a male friend to walk her home:

"She should have got a taxi".

If the rapist is a taxi driver:

"She should never have got in that taxi".

Always the same with rape too isn't it. Right after 'it didn't happen' comes 'she asked for it'. Men are never to blame for their own actions.

Smeddum, that 's awful.

And MrsTerrypratchett is right. If we're not too naive and too friendly then we're accused of being cycical man-haters. It's a tightrope, to get it right ''in men's eyes'' and it isn't even possible, and they're not trying to get it right in our eyes.

she was “too friendly” “too trusting” “too chatty” and “too naive”.

Unlike those of us feminazis who are too cynical, too jaded, too untrusting of men and too suspicious.

There is no winning this game. Only choosing how to lose, or not playing.

I'm really sorry bearhug.

@bearhug that’s horrific. I have no words.

I was talking about this on another thread, when my lovely friend Sam was kidnapped, tortured, murdered and dismembered, when she was found 16 months later, the press were full of her “haphazard” lifestyle (she was a young, free spirit having fun) and that she was “too friendly” “too trusting” “too chatty” and “too naive”. Like it was her fault, that she somehow brought this heinous awful thing on herself.

It’s bullshit, unmitigated bullshit. He did it, he chose to and he wanted to so he did.

She never brought any of it on herself.

That's awful bearhug. How anyone can kill their child is beyond me.

More than sickening bearhug

Oh my goodness, bearhug, that is horrific. Your poor friend.

So true. My friend's ex husband murdered their 10 year old twins, and a younger son he had with another woman, and then killed himself. A newspaper article asked: 'what did these women do to drive this man to do this?'. Sickening.

If a woman leaves her partner/husband and he kills people, she is to blame because she was supposedly the 'trigger'. This applies even if she is one of the murder victims.

If she stays with him and he kills people, she is to blame because she must have known what he was up to. (Google "wife of serial killer" for a few examples).

If the man was single it is the fault of women everywhere because they didn't want to have sex with him.

And the common theme for all of them is that the man's mother is to blame too because it must have been due to his upbringing.

The only people who don't seem to be blamed are the killers themselves.

I'm keeping a tab on my browser with the rules at the moment, seem to be needing to c&p them a lot.