Trans Park Run Deletion

Surely it would be something like “I prefer to use my right hand to do stuff like writing, holding a tennis racket and opening jars.” That’s what being right handed means.

But that's not what makes me right handed. That's just stuff that happens after the fact because I already was right handed. Going deeper than that, I can't explain it though. Why am I right handed? Why can't I be left handed? Why can't I be both? Does it feel the same as other right handed people? I can't answer any of those questions, in the same way I can't tell you why I'm a woman, or what it "feels like", or whether my experience is the same as anyone elses.

This is something I have no choice in. I've spent most of my life trying to deny it. To continue the analogy, I've spent most of my life trying to pretend I was left handed, in a world full of people telling me I'm left handed, it's never been right. I'm not left handed, and I can't make myself left handed or be socialised in to it. I can pretend, but that gets hard to sustain eventually, and it's very isolating, because no one ever gets to see the real me, I'm always lying through omission to people when I let them believe I'm left handed.

And yeah, I know it's a stupid analogy, but I use it, because it's an innate aspect of people that we're born with, that isn't inherently visible, and one in which people have been forced to use a hand they're not comfortable with.

My gender identity is like that. And I have no answers for why it is the way it is. It's just there. And it won't go away. And it closed me off from people in my life, and was sending me to ever darker places. It put a barrier between me and my own emotions, and it robbed my life of richness.

And I fully accept that many people simply won't see it as valid. And I accept that people won't or can't understand it. But it got to the point where I had no choice, because whether you or anyone else understands it or not, it's real, and it's not going anywhere, and ignoring it was slowly destroying my life.

This, right here, out in the open, with people who won't accept my identity, with politicians arguing for the right to treat me differently, with the backlash I face, it's still better than where I was at, because I'm finally not pretending to be someone I'm not. And I wish I could explain it in a way that would let other people understand, but, I can't. I try, but I know it doesn't work, yet still, I'm happier than I've ever been. I've got purpose and passion for life back. My relationship with my son is richer and healthier, I'm closer to my mother than I've ever been in my life, I'm socially active, I'm volunteering, both at parkrun and within trans communities.

And that stuff makes it worth it, living as me, and getting to live for the first time in my life, that's worth all of the other stuff.

Sorry - posted too soon.

The point is that women may tend to have some common feelings - for example the feeling of being valued on the basis of their reproductive output - but that is not some inherent "womanly feeling". It is a result of a common social response to a biological fact.

Of course some women disagree and consider that there is some innate womanly spirit. And fair game to them and if that's what they believe then fine.

But the point is not all women think that. And if some women don't think that then how can this notion of a "feeling" of being a woman - independent of biological reality have any credibility as a commonality?

But how can you possibly assume that whatever you "feel" is the same as what an incredibly diverse and numerous number of people?

Women are not some generic blob of a womanly feeling.

Although women do tend to have common experiences and feelings from those experiences because of their biological makeup - and their treatment by society because of their biological makeup.

This is why I find "ciswoman" such a deeply offensive term. You are putting me into a category which identifies people as "women" on some undefined notion of "feelings" which I simply don't recognise.

As I suspected, being a woman is all about the feelz. That's what being a woman is now, a feeling!

I couldn't tell you what I mean by "feeling I've always been right handed" either for example. I don't know why, and I don't know how to explain what that feels like. I just am right handed.

Surely it would be something like “I prefer to use my right hand to do stuff like writing, holding a tennis racket and opening jars.” That’s what being right handed means.

Anyone registered as a woman and finishing in under 21 minutes in my age category, at my local course, would automatically go to 1st place in the table of 'Top performances by [age/sex category] athletes at [location] parkrun'

@ArtfulPuss before my transition, that was me. I normally ran just over 20 minute runs, and my PB was 19:41. My parkruns are large, and pretty fast, and generally, I'd normally finish somewhere around 5th and generally before the first female finisher.

But I can't run that pace anymore. Now my PB is 23:00 minutes, and instead of finishing between 5th, I finish between 5th and 10th female. I don't have a hope of catching the first female!

There's an issue in that if you and I sat down and you really really told me what you mean by feeling you've always been a woman, you'd have to talk about all sorts of things that are very person and intimate and most people don't want to do that on the internet.

@Thanksforthatamazingpost, there's nothing to explain really. It's got nothing to do with how I dress, or how I talk, or what I like to do. It's just who I am. I couldn't tell you what I mean by "feeling I've always been right handed" either for example. I don't know why, and I don't know how to explain what that feels like. I just am right handed.

"Do you think the pressure to be manly by your dad pushed you away from just staying as a feminine man (whatever that means)?"

I was wondering that as well.

Heck, whilst we're asking personal questions, can I ask another one? Women tend to have an image of themselves being looked at/reviewed by men. More than men do. Did you have that feeling when you were supposed to be a boy/man without it? It's just that I wonder whether that feeling is involved with the love of dress and display that a lot of trans women demonstrate (as do many natal women. Though not me!).

Marge

Yes.

It'll be interesting to see if appears as a screen shot on Twitter

Would be a good one to cut n paste though.

Agree- no-one has said this and so not sure where it's come from.

Insisting transwomen are singled out with an identifying badge is transphobic

No one has said this

Are you one of those bot thingies or do you just have comprehension issues

In the interests of obviousness, I don't believe that women who are "done up sexy for a sexy night out in sexville" deserve rape, for anyone who may decide to make a wild misinterpretation on my post.

Men's excuse of "I couldn't help it" is an EXCUSE, unrelated to the victim.

There is always something they can find to explain why they "couldn't help it" - if there was some kind of magical way we could look or dress that would make this not happen then well guess what women and girls would be doing it all over the world. How we look or comport ourselves is irrelevant to rape. What is relevant to rape is presence of a rapist.

Well yes and it's victim blaming as old as time.

It's the victims fault for being so fucking sexy what was he suppposed to do?

Applied of course to all manner of victims. ie not just ones who were done up sexy for a sexy night out in sexville ie it's nothing to do with that AT ALL it is a bogstandard victim blaming excuse, the most popular one there is. I have heard it myself, sadly. "I just fancy you SO MUCH I'm sorry" yeah whatever mate.

The idea that rape is about overwhelming desire is so incredibly male that once again I have to ask what this non-physical essence of womanhood is that some male people think they have and how they can continue to insist that they have it in the face of so many women going "wait you think WHAT?"

Oh also can't be bothered to go back and cut and paste but this stuff about rape and sexual assault being to do with desire is really grim.

The idea of uncontrollable desire also appalling. Men can control themselves (the vast majority of them). They choose not to. They rape because they can, they are not overwhelmed with lust or whatever, that's an excuse as old as time.

Oops back to front and repetitive but anyway.

" Trans women competing with men makes no sense"

If woman is a "social role" and not "adult human female"

Then man / men is a "social role" as well and nothing to do with "adult human male

Therefore it makes no difference whatsoever as man / men, woman/ women imply / represent nothing whatsoever to do with a persons physical body.

I mean this is ridiculous obviously as girl and woman are not "social roles" but mean grown up female person and young female person respectively, I don't know anyone who uses "woman" or "girl" to mean anything other than "grown up cunty person" or "child cunty person" respctively.

Masculine / feminine are social role / gender.

Femininity involves a set of behaviours that women are girls are supposed to adopt / display, and that are polcied to a greater or lesser extent all over the world, vary between countries to some extent, and include norms of appearance (clothes, hair etc)

Ditto masculine but for males.

"Woman" as a "social role" what does that even mean? Is it this thing that once it's explained, it will turn out that most cunty people don't fit?

What is the word for young cunty people / grown up cunty people? How can we say "In X country, girls are rarely educated past the age of 11" for example, what do we say instead of "girls"?

Thank you Lucy. I meant gay as in being attracted to men when you were younger.

Do you think the pressure to be manly by your dad pushed you away from just staying as a feminine man (whatever that means)?

Oh yes, and nobody said anything about wearing a badge. That's a fucking horrible suggestion and no-one has ever said it.

Thank you everyone who also pointed that out.

Does the pattern have something to do with not reading the thread?

Ooh I got quoted!

Respectfully I disagree, as there are various reasons why someone would mark themselves as assisted.

As previously suggested, giving a 'prefer not say' option, where the time is not included in the age/sex stats, might work. This might also appeal to those who consistently come in last or thereabouts. They would still get a time, but not a ranked position, and no explanation would be necessary.

Lucy, I'm impressed you are considering various options and can see why it might not be fair as it stands. That is commendable.

No, you can ask, no problem at all but I need to confirm if you mean did I think I was a gay man or gay in the sense of a trans girl being attracted to women?

I think she probably understands that gay means same SEX attracted.

Badge? What badge??