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Original poster

Is it wrong to have a bailout fund when you are in a stable loving relationship?

63 replies

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/04/2018 17:10

On the one hand it feels really disloyal, that you don't love or trust your partner. On the other hand you read so many threads on here where women are ditched completely out of the blue.

I do have some funds stashed that are "mine" , but this seems to go against what everyone says about the importance of "family money" and "joint finances".

I'm kind of torn on this one, and interested to see what others think?

As a background we aren't married, and have a DD. I have some money from inheritances (a very sizeable chunk of which has been used to bail out DPs business on occasion). Not on lease/deeds etc.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 29/04/2018 17:28

A woman should never rely on a man without a personal run-away fund.
Especially! when you have children.

Cos life has a weird way of working out .... (not the way you expected).

Even my mum had one and she's long gone. Never needed it either but gave her some independence. Maybe living through WWII influenced that decision.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 29/04/2018 17:27

I dont think of it as an escape fund but i have money in my name/independent means Wink that will always stay in my name whilst all our day to day finances are family money.

Joint accounts are problematic if one of you dies - is that an easier reason forhaving some money only you can access?

Original poster
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/04/2018 17:24

I don't think you should bail out your partner again

I won't. I made it very clear that the last time was the last time.

I'm open about the money I have, but TBH he's not particularly interested / bothered.

OP posts:
LyricalGangster · 29/04/2018 17:24

I have my own money and assets, dh has his own money and assets. We have a joint account which he pays most of his wages into (I'm a sahm) which cover day to day stuff but other accounts (such as savings) are ours to do with as we please. I know I'll be financially secure should either of us choose to end the relationship and draw comfort from this (although we are a really solid couple and i don't forsee this happening)

LassWiADelicateAir · 29/04/2018 17:24

The title of the thread is terrible by the way. "Bail out fund" - you are talking about your money - earned, inherited or a good run of luck on the horses- its existence doesn't have to be justified.

Original poster
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/04/2018 17:23

That's really interesting, I wonder if I would have got the same answers if I had posted this elsewhere Wink

Lass I'm getting some of that money back now as a "kept woman" while I go back to uni...

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 29/04/2018 17:22

I don't think you should bail out your partner again. Does he know how much money you have?

You're not being unreasonable putting yourself and your daughter first. You're being sensible - but you'd be mad to give him any more money.

IndominusRex · 29/04/2018 17:21

No it isn't. Every woman should have one. It's one of my focuses of this year to build mine back up.

Essexmummy88 · 29/04/2018 17:20

I have one

Aridane · 29/04/2018 17:19

I don’t know

LassWiADelicateAir · 29/04/2018 17:16

I've always had my own money. We have never had joint accounts. I don't believe in joint finances or joint money.

In your situation I would not have bailed out a business without my input being secured as a loan and with repayments agreed.

UpstartCrow · 29/04/2018 17:12

No it isn't, and it doesn't go against the principle of family money either.
If you were rock climbing with your DP, would you rely on him 100% for your own safety? Or would you take some responsibility for yourself and also work as a team?

TERFragetteCity · 29/04/2018 17:12

No, this is absolutely the case and I'd recommend all adults stash money away for emergencies, particularly women.

I have.

And always will, since I had to leave a partner with 5 carrier bags, my car and nowhere to sleep that night.

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