Deliberately goady thread title there but it's true and please be gentle because I'm in tears writing this.
I'm weak. So fucking weak.
It's not that I don't believe in everything that you talk about here. I'm a true convert and my contribution Is to try and bring my kids up to value themselves and each other and to see the inequalities and barriersthat are there.
But as for anything else i just can't. Simply writing this is causing me panic.
I was brought up by the most misogynistic man you can imagine. Jokes about domestic abuse, women/men are just like that, aggressive, you name it.
You didn't argue. It simply wasn't worth it.
I had value because i earned well. Now i don't and am a single mum and the disappointment is openly strong.
He's sick of feminists complaining and never doing anything.
He thinks that equality of sexes at work is wrong because it should just be the right person for the job.
His mother held the purse strings so financial abuse isn't really a thing.
Women abuse men too dontcha know. His mates were taken for everything in the divorce.
And when he can't ignore something any longer his answer is that he lives in a bubble and isn't part of the world any more, in other words he doesn't want to talk about it.
And on and on and on and on.
Relentlessly and forever.
After i told him about some horrendous stuff my friends had gone through he kept on making jokes about domestic abuse
(one friend had her head kicked in).
But last week, when i had told him that every woman i know has been assaulted, his answer was to say 'are you accusing me of abusing your mother?' (Said in his slow burning angry voice)
THAT was his response. All about him. All about him feeling atracked. Changing the narrative. Avoiding. Being aggressive.
I ended up screaming that every woman i know includes his own fucking daughter (me). And he finally listened. But for me it was too late.
But it's too hard. I've spent my whole life trying not to draw his disapproval because it's scary as fuck. I grew up with it. It's in my dna.
And I'm not the only one. You guys are so brave but this is a massive barrier feminism has too get through. Its not just internalized misogyny you have to fight but womens fear of drawing the wrath of the men they know.
What you're doing is SO important.
I'm too scared to even post a feminist type thing on fb on case he sees it. It's so deeply ingrained and i don't know if I'll every be free of the fear.
I won't be the only one.
And like i said THAT'S why l don't (openly) support you.
I'm sorry.