Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Twitter thread that will make you laugh not rage

31 replies

ElenOfTheWays · 04/04/2018 11:18

Women are "describing themselves as a male author would "

www.thepoke.co.uk/2018/04/03/women-describing-like-male-author-funny-revealing/

It's hilarious and accurate.

Original Twitter thread here

mobile.twitter.com/whitneyarner/status/980330317247545349

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
FreezerBird · 04/04/2018 20:19

At 42, with two children she was essentially invisible, but he was aware of the faded grandeur of her once magnificent breasts, like a run-down Victorian seaside town in the drizzle. Somewhere above the breasts was a mouth, which voiced opinions. He heard nothing.

Datun · 04/04/2018 19:13

ScarletBegonias

Having a more than adequate amount in the breast department, I've had my fair share of men determined to infer my personality based solely on cup size.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 04/04/2018 19:01

She was walking towards him, her hips were slinky, pushing her pelvis slightly forward, walking like a panther, her shirt open to a V as if an arrow pointing to those breasts, oh those enormous breasts , her glistening lips slightly open....oh my god she’s over 40! She is fading, fading, now totally invisible.

LaurelHolly · 04/04/2018 18:59

Awks Not often does 'lol' actually mean laugh out loud but in this case...LOL!

ApocalypseNowt · 04/04/2018 18:30

She slouched boobily into the room like a sack of potatoes with legs and boobs. She didn't sit so much as land, settling into the depression that was a perfect fit for her misshapen form. She looked like a human puddle.

Original poster
ElenOfTheWays · 04/04/2018 18:11

GrinGrinGrin

I knew you witty women wouldn't let me down. Brilliant

OP posts:
theaveragewife · 04/04/2018 18:05

I saw her from a distance, legs for days and a waist for radio. Her hips swayed like a broken metronome and I was drawn to her. Picking up pace I followed her down the dark pathway, a glimpse of a glint on her finger caught my eye, could she be married? Did it matter? Perhaps this was fate.....

She slowly turned and said slowly in a husky voice ‘FUCK OFF YOU CREEPY CUNT’ brandishing her keys in between her fingers like mini daggers, and so off I fucked.

sorenipples · 04/04/2018 17:46

She'd clearly had a wild night. Her eyes spoke of unrelenting activity, her hair appeared tussled , as if after a night of endless passion , her top was misbuttoned, hastily put on, and recently undone. As she approached her scent enveloped me. She really was a dirty girl. It was undeniably fermented baby sick.

Awks · 04/04/2018 17:11

I followed her along the promenade, watching her tanned, slim legs striding purposefully towards the sea. She was looking at the surfers - probably imagining catching a few waves herself. I caught her up, wanting to tell her about the time I won the under 15's doggy paddle comp at primrose valley - was sure she would be impressed.

Nonchalantly I came level with her and she looked at me. I blinked in the sun and thought fucking hell, she must be at least 50 - close shave there mate.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 04/04/2018 17:05

She had the softness of someone who'd hot the Easter chocolate a bit too hard this year. I told her to smile.
She told me to sod off.

ScarletBegonias · 04/04/2018 17:02

Datun - you're frighteningly good at this. Have we discovered your true occupation? Grin

Datun · 04/04/2018 16:56

She had beautiful, rounded and undulating breasts. Smooth and welcomely abundant. Offering sanctuary in a cold, stark world.

And probably a face and arms and legs, but it was fairly dark.

She carelessly picked a piece of lint from her sleeve. No doubt a feather from the pillow fights with her flatmates. Held weekly. Or, given those breasts, more likely daily.

Possibly hourly.

AreYouTerfEnough · 04/04/2018 16:45

Me:

Well below average in terms of looks, but with a pleasing, friendly smile and a welcoming soft, doughy bosom. Rough hands spoke of much housework being done and of the ability to run a clean and cosy home 😂

Datun · 04/04/2018 16:38

hipsterfun

Yes, I was quoting. I truly rolled up that.

BudgieInABeret · 04/04/2018 16:10

Ha I meant I am, not you.

The slim waist that has grown with time . . .

Original poster
ElenOfTheWays · 04/04/2018 16:03

BudgieInABeret Oooooh I dunno. Better ask a random man to evaluate me. Wink

OP posts:
BudgieInABeret · 04/04/2018 15:57

Maybe but only if you add old and saggy Grin

Original poster
ElenOfTheWays · 04/04/2018 15:52

BudgieInABeret Separated at birth maybe? Grin

OP posts:
BudgieInABeret · 04/04/2018 15:46

Elen I am sitting here crying. Can you actually see me from where you are ?
My DH will say you have described me perfectly

MsMalcontent · 04/04/2018 15:06

Oh I'm so glad someone has picked this up. I went to start a thread about it yesterday but couldn't think of anything clever enough to say. Which in itself probably says something!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/04/2018 15:03

She definitely had boobs, they sagged because she clearly could not be arsed wearing a bra. Or shaving. I wasn't interested. For some reason, she didn't even notice me not being interested.

hipsterfun · 04/04/2018 14:58

Oh, were you quoting from Twitter?

Ah well, still stands Smile

hipsterfun · 04/04/2018 14:57

Datun Grin I wish I knew you in real life.

Stuck out like legs [chuckle]

slug · 04/04/2018 14:54

My favourite reply:

"She was blocking my view of the far more attractive lesbians"

Original poster
ElenOfTheWays · 04/04/2018 14:09

It's my go to insult, although I'm getting quite keen on "cockwomble" too Grin

OP posts: