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Original poster

This is not the most important thing ever but what do you think ? Re dress codes

36 replies

BasiliskStare · 01/04/2018 15:05

This is my second foray into the feminism boards . I am sticking my courage to the sticking post and saying something.

DS ( early 20s ) now has to go to some things where there is a dress code) . Not terribly many but he does. The thing he said was " it is so much easier for men - because things tend to be described as in " dinner jacket " " lounge suit & tie " - so whatever you think about those dress codes - you know what to do. , He said it is harder for women to know what to turn up in. I know this is probably a very trite post , but Ds did just say , it makes it harder for women . Because they have to make a judgment on what the men are wearing ( unless they have been given specific instructions)

So in the grand scheme of things not the most important , but just a thing he made me think about.

I am not going to lose sleep over this , but something Ds & I were chatting about and made me think

OP posts:
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Tackytriceratops · 01/04/2018 18:06

One of the young girls who came to my wedding (7/8) wore a Tux :)

Tackytriceratops · 01/04/2018 18:05

I think it's interesting that your son said that, and I'd agree with him for many women. I worked out my own methods for dressing for these things and wear what I want and like to buy things I know I'll wear again.

One thing I've noticed is many men (Dh and others) I know hate the tie idea and get annoyed about the strictness for them, whereas actually in reality I think it's becoming more flexible for women as style is so varied.

( I have an art background and that environment definitely trains you to be subversive in your dress codes from early on aka not give a shit/ avoid mainstream)

Original poster
BasiliskStare · 01/04/2018 17:14

Rufus , Rogue and others , I have been to a wedding in a women's version of a tuxedo - all fine - although yep , probably adhering to mens' dress. But I feel happier in trousers .

I have no problem with what anyone wants to wear

My point was describing a dress code in purely men's terms. ( and again sorry said before ) Ds said it to me ( he is 21)

Ha ha Thanks Can I borrow it !

Rogue Many years ago a good friend & my SIL both wore trousers to my wedding - they looked great and just like themselves but celebratory iyswim - that said - we had not specified a dress code so not directly relevant to my post - but do it - I am sure it will be fabulous.

Upstartcrow - yes I think you see my point - - yes to get a dinner jacket / suit does take some up front investment ( although a friend of mine got her son one in Primark at modest expense , - also a plain black suit will get by with a bow tie , so yes , it needs doing but then it passes muster. ) My son's point it once you have your black tie thing - it's easy. Or a lounge suit ( which may be your interview / 6th form college suit) .

And his female friends can wear their interview suits etc but sometimes you do want to wear things appropriately. Of course or indeed not go at all if not your thing. - I suppose what he had highlighted to me was that an invitation normally expresses dress code in the sense of what the men will wear. That's my point. And Thank you PP's - good for him for saying it. Won't change the world , but I am grateful he does think occasionally like this.

Right - I have been brave. Probably time to get back to more important matters Grin

OP posts:
LassWiADelicateAir · 01/04/2018 17:08

Any of these would be perfectly fine at a wedding.

Shop Jumpsuits | Formal & Casual Jumpsuits | Phase Eight
www.phase-eight.com/fcp/categorylist/garment/jumpsuit

Or this suit
Rodeo Jacket Tailored Blazer - REISS
www.reiss.com/p/tailored-blazer-womens-rodeo-jacket-in-white-black/?category_id=1129&gaEeList=W%20-%20Suiting

noeffingidea · 01/04/2018 17:02

Men -on the other hand - whack a suit on, bit of hair gel, and they're done
Women can be 'done' in exactly the same way, if they choose. There's no law saying women have to wear make up or 'do' their hair, or do anything else, unless your job has a dress code that specifies it, and then presumably you know that before you take the job.

PositivelyPERF · 01/04/2018 16:56

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Thank you so much. I’ve never heard of phase 8. I’m in that stuck in between age. 50, but hate the flowery middle aged stuff, but have the floppy arms of a middle aged woman. I’m a size 10/12 but everything is in a different place now, thank you gravity. 😬 Thise jump suits are beautiful. Just one question. Do I have to take most of it to go for a pee?

LassWiADelicateAir · 01/04/2018 16:55

Lass you are strengthening my resolve to wear a trouser suit to an upcoming wedding. I do wonder, if it will be seen as trying to make a point though. I don't want to use a relation's wedding to make a point

I never wore it to a wedding but one of the few pairs of trousers I owned was a fake St.Laurent "smoking" trouser suit- namely a dinner suit for women. I used to wear it with a black bow tie, white shirt and cuff - links.

It was probably a bit outré for a wedding (although having said that a couple of years ago I was staying in a hotel in Switzerland where a wedding of what seemed to be very arty/media types was going on and one female guest was wearing a tuxedo)

I don't see any reason not to wear a trouser suit to a wedding.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 01/04/2018 16:43

rogue

Last wedding i went to i wore 'trousers" and a nice top

They do have some lovely weddingy jumpsuits at the moment in Phase 8

Icantreachthepretzels · 01/04/2018 16:42

I don't possess a single item of formal wear which fits any of those categories.

Haven't you posted before about having clothes specially tailored? I know you've posted about your personal style and the quality of clothes many times. For those of us on a much smaller budget, stuck buying things off the rack in primarni, lot's of women's clothes are uncomfortable, or poorly made, lack pockets, are restrictive or have weird cross over straps there are a nightmare to get into and get right.
This is one of those cases where budget - and time to look for the exact right item - really can make a difference.

Plus - the amount of enjoyment women get from clothes will change the way they see this. I like elegant or pretty clothes, but I hate shopping, and I hate putting on makeup and I hate doing my hair (plus I'm crap at it). What is a joy for some women (and good luck to them) is a right pain in the arse for me. Men - on the other hand - whack a suit on, bit of hair gel, and they're done. Every. Single. Time.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 01/04/2018 16:40

lass

We just went out for dinner

No idea why she wanted the women to wear dresses in particular

Work want me to wear a dress as well...im not bloody doing it their either Grin

(Although i could be tempted for the right dress Smile)

rogueantimatter · 01/04/2018 16:38

Lass you are strengthening my resolve to wear a trouser suit to an upcoming wedding. I do wonder, if it will be seen as trying to make a point though. I don't want to use a relation's wedding to make a point.

LassWiADelicateAir · 01/04/2018 16:34

Lass - I apologise if this is an old topic. I didd not know

No need to apologise. Most topics get recycled. You can see what my views are and I agree Agent Provocateur's comment.

UpstartCrow · 01/04/2018 16:26

You don't need to apologise for starting a thread. Not all topics have to be brand new or earth shattering.
And I agree with your DS. Its much easier to find 'a tuxedo' than a formal dress, shoes and accessories of precisely the right tone, especially when you have a smaller budget or need flat shoes.

LassWiADelicateAir · 01/04/2018 16:25

My bugbear is the amount of flesh women are almost expected to bare

By whom? Of the most recent formal dresses I bought (both very formal and very expensive) one has a high mandarin collar and long sleeves; the other has bracelet length sleves and a neckline at my collar bone. Both have attracted loads of compliments.

This thread is just the usual complaining and exaggeration that appears on all similar threads.

Thanksforthatamazingpost · 01/04/2018 16:23

Your son sounds lovely. Hope my sons grow up like him.

I have a gold and black diamond patterned dress I bought 18 yrs ago. I wear that each time. It’s fun seeing it in photos _ like a piece of furniture in my life.

LassWiADelicateAir · 01/04/2018 16:19

Women's evening attire is so uncomfortable, complicated, restrictive, revealing

I don't posess a single item of formal wear which fits any of those categories.

Original poster
BasiliskStare · 01/04/2018 16:10

Dukes - thank you ! It was genuinely just a thing where my son said - I think this is a thing where it is easier for men than women & it made me think

To others , apologies for bringing up an old thing - I am somewhat new on this board

"Dress to impress" would tee me off no end.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 01/04/2018 16:10

You are not wrong. Well done your DS.

My bugbear is the amount of flesh women are almost expected to bare. Compare this with a suit. Nothing on show and it hardly shows the man's shape. I wish more women, including professional women would wear trousers, shirts and jackets like men do to normalise it.

windchimesabotage · 01/04/2018 16:08

yes I think the heels stuff is disgusting. They can be very painful and seriously damage some womens feet. If women want to wear them than fair enough but there is no situation in which they should be expected to wear them.

Another one that also winds me up is bras. Its fair enough to enforce wearing a bra or a vest if someone is wearing something that is see through in any way, but other than that I think its massively invasive to dictate what underwear a woman has to wear. A man would never be told to wear underwear so that his junk conformed to certain shape that was deemed 'smart'. I cant be the only person who finds it really weird that women have to have their breasts moulded into a certain shape to be considered 'smart'?
Had big issues with this at school as well because I have very small breasts so would often just wear a vest or nothing at all in the summer under my shirt. My shirt was in no way see through but I was actually told to put a bra on by teachers several times because they could not see straps or I assume because the shape of my breasts was too natural or something.... really odd. Then conversely youd sometimes get told off if a strap could be seen and it wasnt flesh coloured.

TheDukesOfHazzard · 01/04/2018 16:01

I got my knickers in a twist about the "dress to impress" thing Grin

They weren't Spanx so it was easy enough to untwist them, fortunately.

Original poster
BasiliskStare · 01/04/2018 15:59

Agent

I am not getting knickers in a twist - really, honestly not. I just thought it was interesting my son said proactively it was easier for men when going to something reasonably formal , because the dress code is expressed in typically men's dress terms. Honestly , not losing sleep , it was just a comment .

OP posts:
TheDukesOfHazzard · 01/04/2018 15:56

windchimes remember that disabled woman who was up for an award at cannes but was turned away at the door as she didnt have heels on?

Some have said it's ageist as well -
Heels are often a young woman's game.

Grassyass · 01/04/2018 15:55

It's only a problem if you care too much what other people think. I like smart business because you dont't have to think, all my working life I just wore trouser suits and flat shoes.
Socially if there was a theme I would ignore it I'm afraid as I don't like to be told what to wear.

TheDukesOfHazzard · 01/04/2018 15:55

No it's a fine thread.

Just because some posters disagree / have talked it all before doesn't mean that it mustn't ever be brought up again.

It's your second thread - brave to start threads! - and it's something you want to talk about.

  • kudos to your son Smile
windchimesabotage · 01/04/2018 15:53

Hmm I always think its harder for men in term of dress codes as they have to fork out so much money for 'a suit'.
I only ever wear dresses and I could potentially use the same dress day to night and just put on a bit more lipstick and a big necklace and tie my hair up... and them im 'formal' without actually having to spend loads of money.
I think there is a lot to get wound up about when women are forced to wear heels however. I never wear heels to anything and doubt I could even stand up in a pair. Boggles the mind that anyone could think it was appropriate to ask a woman to wear them for work.