Being wary of men because of your experience of male violence

Well, yes, NAMALT. But the ones who are, it's not like they have it tattoo'ed on their forehead, is it? Nor do they restrict themselves to one victim, they're greedy little fuckers, victimising as many women as they can. So not all, but enough for EVERY woman to be at risk from at least one of them at some point in her life.

"She said women live their life as prey and can't afford not to be wary."
I absolutely agree with this. We take precautions without realising that's what we're doing.

OP, you said "I’m ok that I’m wary of men in general because of my experiences." Frankly I'd be very worried about you if you weren't wary. Wary is healthy. Wary is learning from your experiences. Wary can keep you safe.

Another MNer on another thread posted a link to The Shark Cage. It made a lot of sense to me, and maybe it will to you too.

I am a relatively recent feminist too. I used to think I much preferred the company of men. In the past I've both tried to be more like a man and be liked more by men (be the cool girl etc). Now I can see that was all probably just survival tactics. I adore the men in my life now. But the ones who've abused me have cast quite the shadow.

Bauble when she said it, I thought it was the best explanation I'd heard. Then the men still argued with her She was making the point that men can be more forgiving or lenient towards other men's bad behaviour because actually they're unlikely to face the consequences if that leniency results in another attack. But women don't have that luxury.

I find some women’s words often do not correspond to their actions. So whilst the use NAMALT and say they are not afraid of men there actions tell a completely other story. All women I know are careful on nights out, only use registered taxis, stick together in groups and last person dropped off phones previous drop off. Many women go to great lengths to stay safe whilst some simultaneously claiming that there is nothing to worry about.

I hate all the minimising that goes on. No one says you shouldn't be wary of dogs after a dog bite.
PTSD isnt a logical decision, neither is anxiety or fear. It is a survival mechanism. Its to help us avoid the same risk a second time.

Its stupid to say we shouldn't judge all men by the actions of a few, because there is no way to tell which of those men will turn out to be violent. The violent ones mask their behaviour and pretend to be trustworthy until the last minute.

Jessica I made that very point to my dp just this evening. Something on tv about a woman being attacked walking alone. How we are taught from a young age how very unsafe we are.

I completely relate.
I was at a talk last year and a female author was trying to explain it to men. She said women live their life as prey and can't afford not to be wary.

I hear you and I understand. I've had some bad experiences, I'm not entirely sure how they've shaped me (massive impact on me when younger, not sure now). Clearly our experiences are all different, but I will not NAMALT you.

I hear you and I understand. I too have experienced sexual violence on a number of separate occasions and inside I get quite riled when people downplay it's existence. The recent Harvey Weinstein stories my dp was tutting disgustedly and horrified and I ended up snapping "Dont be surprised! This is how life is! This is how my life has been!" And it was the closest I've ever come to discussing my experiences. Sorry to ramble.

I could have written almost this exact post.