Hi @NannyOggsKnickers
I like the analogy. I have another personal one.
Despite identifying as a mother, biology didn’t cooperate with me, even though I have all the right biological bits, they just don’t work for some reason.
From deciding to adopt, to being placed with a child was just under three years. I couldn’t just rock up saying I identified as a mother and be handed a child. I faced intense scrutiny of my mental, emotional, physical and financial health. My friends, family, employers, past therapist were all questioned about my fitness to parent. I had to attend training, read lots of books, demonstrate learning and understanding, fill in endless forms, have medical and DBS checks and go to endless meetings with social workers and go to two approval panels. None of which biological mothers have to do.
Family would get frustrated on my behalf. “Can’t they see you’d be a good mother? Anyone can tell just by meeting you.” But they can’t. They have to be sure you are robust and can deal with set backs. I don’t resent the intrusion, even though biological parents don’t face it, even though there were times I despaired of ever being placed and feared it would never happen, because it had to be right because you are dealing with big life changing decisions.
Those three years gave me time to be sure I wanted this and I was doing the right thing. If I could just fill in a form online I wouldn’t have been made stronger and more sure of myself and given the tools to cope.