Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

Surely, though, it’s how society views the stay at home role though which is the problem? It seems here that radical feminists support equal parenting so “permit”, therefore, the idea of a male SAHP but not a female one. That’s all wrong.

FWIW I can see what Bluntness is saying; you can certainly believe in radical femism without living like an archetypal radical feminist, but we all do tend to give more weight to those who are prepared to practice what they preach.

I can't see that it makes a difference to someone having a rad fem stance. It seems to me that working mothers are often mainly relying on low paid or unpaid women (childcare workers and grannies). I have a friend who - along with her friends - have hugely cut down on their hours in order to provide childcare for their grandchildren as their children cannot afford childcare at the same time they are being told their pensions are changing. It is simply not seen as a possibility that their husbands would do that.

Curious bluntness - it's not a trick or a not so veiled attempt to catch you out, promise! - I wonder if I can be considered a radical feminist on employment issues? As I'm disabled and don't work because of that. I still have worked and do have previous experience of working, but so does a sahm?

Or on equal parenting? DH is by far the one who does more as there's a lot I can't. Does that mean I can't be considered radfem on parenting by your view?

And re money, technically as I'm the ill one, DH lives off me

Before I became a SAHP I researched and wrote the maternity policy for the very large company I worked for. I also lobbied hard to get the directors to agree it. It was extremely radical 25 years ago (5 year career breaks etc) and is probably better than most companies have today.

The idea that as soon as I became a SAHM my opinions on the subject would be considered irrelevant by another woman is quite shocking.

Bluntness
but a SAH parent might have very useful insight into why they felt a workplace wasn't compatible with rearing children and what changes the workplace could have made that would have let them work
a SAH parent might have useful views of the realism of equal parenting if eg your DH is in the armed forces and far, far away
a SAH parent might have had many years work experience where they experienced inequality that is still relevant
So i'm still interested

*TWO fingers

I actually think it is anti feminist and counterproductive to devalue traditional female (stereotyped) roles because it perpetuates the disadvantage for anyone taking on these roles. Lack of equality in the workplace means it is still often the woman who chooses to stay at home as their husband's career is more lucrative. So women are at a double disadvantage.

If child rearing was more valued in society then you can bet more men would take on this role. Which in turn would mean more equal working conditions as there would be more women in authority the workplace.

Feminism is based round the theory that women should have freedom of choice. I don’t think it matters whether that choice is going to work or doing the household tasks.

Ah, that's the liberal feminist stance. That giving women the choice is a feminist aim in itself, and that there lies the point at which you have to accept that a woman might use that choice to stick to fingers up to feminism! Not saying that's what SAHMs do by the way, just expanding.

Radical femism, as far as I understand it (a radical feminist would no doubt expression it better) sees the impact an individual choice makes on the class on women and uses that to judge it against.

I think you can be a radical feminist and accept that there's a limit to which you can adequately live your ideals though. I think that's fine.

It's not for me though, that's why I'm liberal. I like a feminism I can live every day.

I’m in the same situation OP and I often wonder about this. How I see it, it wouldn’t matter who earned the money- we’ve got lots of kids close together so one of us stays at home. It just happens he earns more money so he goes to work.

(Although don’t get me started on why he earns more. As a feminist, this particular bit really gets my goat!!)

Bluntness, you are devaluing the work needed to successfully care and raise children. Would you say a woman caring for elderly parents wasn't capable of being a radical feminist on that issue?

I've got to get ready and go for a dinner reception.

Many will know my posting style, I will state my opinion and I'm good with anyone disagreeing with it. My opinion stands. I would not listen to the opinion of a woman who was and always had been a stay at home parent on the subject of the rights of mothers in thr workplace eyc. I would listen to the opinion of a working mother who was experiencing it.

It's fine to not like that opinion. Go for it..

“I'm going to write it again for the last time. I said she could be a radical feminist but not on certain issues, such as equal parenting, equal rights for mothers in thr work place etc etc.”

That’s like saying you can’t be supportive of equal rights based on ethnicity, because you’re not black!

I think as a feminist I would like to see a society where parents could discuss and agree what works best for them and their children without being influenced by patriarchal notions about appropriate gender roles or by extreme opinions about only paid work having value or bringing entitlements to express opinions.
I say that as a very career driven person. My dh quite happily drprioritised his career when we had kids. Lots of people thought and still think that was very odd but for us it seems to work.

I did not say she could not be a radical feminist on other issues.

But, as I said earlier, would you say the same to a woman who was being exploited in the workplace and also took on the lion's share of the parenting as her estranged ex husband did very little? She is being just as exploited or maybe even more.

I don't see how a radical perspective could say a sahm as a fact by itself was an unfeminist thing to do. It's still work, and largely unrecognised and unrewarded, like all caring work.

I always thought that feminism was not about saying we need to be more like men but more that all the work we do in society be recognised and celebrated - it's necessary and a lot of other people's work depends on that mostly unpaid hard slog.

I think more of the objection would come from the reinforcing of gender norms that limit.

Yass. Is that all you see as spending money, spa days and shooing sprees. Because I see it as paying for things like the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the toiletries you use

So what's the problem if the OP is doing this with what you perceive to be his money?

I'm going to write it again for the last time. I said she could be a radical feminist but not on certain issues, such as equal parenting, equal rights for mothers in thr work place etc etc.

I did not say she could not be a radical feminist on other issues.

You're not any kind of feminist I recognise bluntness

Bluntness

but not on the subjects of equal parenting, equal rights in thr work place etc.

Would you say the same thing to a woman who was being exploited in the workplace and also took on the lion's share of the parenting as her estranged ex husband did very little?

According to radical feminism every single woman is exploited by the patriarchy. How can anyone be a radical feminist or speak about radical feminism if the qualifying requirement is not to be exploited?

Do you think the choice affects other women? Would it matter?

I don’t agree at all, Bluntness.

Feminism is based round the theory that women should have freedom of choice. I don’t think it matters whether that choice is going to work or doing the household tasks. They are both tasks/workload. If the split of workload is fair, and also all money is pooled, and most of all each respects and supports the other in their role and sees it as equally valuable, then I don’t see how this is a bad thing.

What would you call a father who chose to be the stay-at-Home parent? You wouldn’t call him anti feminist so I don’t see why you should view a stay-at-Home parent who is a woman as such.

Yass. Is that all you see as spending money, spa days and shooing sprees. Because I see it as paying for things like the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the toiletries you use.

Don't put words in my mouth, I'm perfectly capable as many know of saying exactly what I mean.

Oh come on Bluntness your post was a thinly-veiled dig at SAHPs, anyone can see that.

I think there is different things being mixed up here. The op asked if she could be a radical feminist and I responded with yes, but not on the subjects of equal parenting, equal rights in thr work place etc.

She did not ask if being a stay at home mum was valuable. That would be a different thread completely. And of course it is sometimes valuable for either gender. Sometimes it is not.

Op, why ask if you can be a radical feminist and at the first hint of no start going on about how much your husband values you and how it's right for you. Make your mind up about what you want to discuss. I answered the question you posed in your op. No more no less.