Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

You are stating a woman who has no obstacles to working, be they financial or children with AN, and choses to stay home whilst her husband works, can be a rad fem on the subject of working women.

I'm asking how? Rad fem is a desire to restructure society to remove any hint of a patriarchy. How are these women doing this?

By having a different but equal role to other radical feminists. She can reduce her collusion with the patriarchal capitalist system by reducing consumption of paid goods and services for her and her family. Allowing them to live on a reduced, single, income.

Way to ruin a thread by making it sahm v wohm ffs when we’d pulled it back.

I’d imagine the number of sahm who genuinely have a free choice between not working at all and having a well paid career and then choosing with their free choice to stay at home to facilitate a man in the workplace is teeny tiny. Perhaps you meet more of them in social circles where there is a lot of money and privilege swilling around - as someone not in these circles the sahm I meet are self employed and fitting very part time stuff round their dc or waiting to get enough state paid childcare that they can afford to go back to work.

I'm not accusing you. I just want to understand.

You are stating a woman who has no obstacles to working, be they financial or children with AN, and choses to stay home whilst her husband works, can be a rad fem on the subject of working women.

I'm asking how? Rad fem is a desire to restructure society to remove any hint of a patriarchy. How are these women doing this?

In this I'm genuinely not being goady. I simply don't understand how this choice can be perceived as radical feminism.

At no stage have you articulated how a woman, who can work, has no obstacles to doing som be they financial or children with AD, can be a rad fem on the subject of working women. You've simply stated they are then insulted any woman who works.

I don't understand what you are accusing me of here.

Women need to support each other, accept and respect women who have made different life choices

I don't agree with this statement. I will not blindly accept a woman's choice simply due to her gender. Clearly you feel the same as you have only attacked on this thread. Actions speak louder than words. At least I'm honest.

At no stage have you articulated how a woman, who can work, has no obstacles to doing som be they financial or children with AD, can be a rad fem on the subject of working women. You've simply stated they are then insulted any woman who works.

I agree a woman has a right to chose. I respect that right as I've said all along, for many people it's everyone for themselves. Do I respect the actual choice itself. On some base level, no, not when it's a purely personal choice with nothing else driving it. because I perceive it as perpetuating a patriarchal society if you have your husband pay for you whilst you make sure he can progress in his career unhindered by the requirements of parenthood and ensure he has an advantage over any working mother. In this context you're actively enabling a patriachy.

I've watched too many women struggle with their careers and parent hood. And I've watched too many men be enabled by their wives and not have those struggles and get promoted for it. I've seen one two many threads on here where posters shout "you're entitled to half, he wouldn't have had his career if it wasn't for you taking care of the kids and home".

Those posters are right. He wouldn't have. Just like most working mothers don't have. But the stay at home mum in this context made sure he had the advantage his female colleagues.

Do what you wish. Make the right decisions for your family. But don't expect everyone to respect it.

capitalist patriarchy you profess to despise

I am definitely not a fan of the capitalist patriarchy as it currently exists either.

I think outsourcing minding children is avoidable (although not currently) and personally I see this as a worthwhile aspiration. Parents having more time with their children is a good thing. I think men stepping up and a complete shift in the working week, which I believe is going to be forced by AI coming on stream, is the answer to a much more equal society. A reduction in hours in the working week, more flexible work practices for both parents and people working (much less) and parenting in shifts would mean that people could strike a proper work/life balance. People without children could pursue more creative activities or take on other caring or voluntary activities or whatever they like.

If families could often be supported on a 50ish hour working week in the past, that would be a good thing to hope for in the future too.

I'm through the Chemo ok

That’s great news. It will be spring soon, I can’t bloody wait. The weathers been shit for months. I don’t have vegbut I have plans for my garden. I just need some decent weather to actually implement them.

i'm hoping you are ok?
How are you feeling today? Are you still able to get out in the veg patch?

I'm through the Chemo ok. That is the one which makes it difficult getting out. Feeling ok today, thanks.

Oh my- taking advantage of the capitalist patriarchy you profess to despise.

I'm a realist. I am not a Marxist, just think Marxism makes some pertinent observations regarding the way capitalism works. I acknowledge the current patriarchy is a capitalist one and dismantling it involves dismantling the capitalist system it operates through. I do not claim to be rad fem (or not) just think it is hypocritical for people in high status employment to criticise SAHPs in terms of being anti feminist from a rad fem perspective.

Men taking advantage of women for the betterment of their own circumstances in spite of the fact that it hugely places women at significant disadvantage.

I don't disagree this happens. My own DH would love to focus more on his career. I know he has expressed some frustration, occasionally, at not being able to be more 'high powered'. Especially when we see peers move up to director level. He is talented and loves his work. Sometimes his focus has frustrated me but we need to protect his salary despite also having to manage and advocate for a D.C. with additional needs and cope without family around during pretty gruelling cancer treatment. It's all a bit of a juggle. We've all had to adapt and learn.

We had planned some speculation on the property market to protect me financially

Oh my- taking advantage of the capitalist patriarchy you profess to despise.

Your posts have done very little other than criticising my own, Lass

You are the one who started claiming women who employed childcare / domestic care were exploiting other women.

I could not care less about radical feminist theory and I have not commented on that. I will however respond to a poster hypocritically pontificating about how much she suppports women yet at the same time has almost nothing to say beyond criticising women.

You know what leaf we will never agree on this. So I’m going to stop debating it.

I think we’ll agree you are having a shit time with the cancer diagnosis. I’m hoping you are ok?
How are you feeling today? Are you still able to get out in the veg patch?

not all these side streets you are dragging us all down

I need to do no dragging. People are sprinting down them on their own volition.

As I have said, context matters. Myself, coming from a background in education, whereas my DH didn't I was the best placed of the two of us to advocate for my D.C. I had more background knowledge on child development and how this could impact learning. I had taken a career break. My field of work was less lucrative than his although we are educated to the same level. Yes, I took on the lions share of advocation, yes this facilitated or rather preserved my DH's career to some extent. Forgive us to do what we could to protect the one income we had coming in

Lilting I am not arguing against you in particular, I am arguing with the narrative that means the lions share of this type of work is done by women. I am in education too incidentally and so I would have been able to race in front of my DH with taking on this role. I didn’t and he learned. But what I am saying is like my DH other men could prioritise this and learn too. They don’t, the are very often facilitated in not stepping up. Not you Lilting not you personally, not your situation, men. I am sure many more could step up. They don’t, that is the patriarchy not all these side streets you are dragging us all down. Men taking advantage of women for the betterment of their own circumstances in spite of the fact that it hugely places women at significant disadvantage.

Which is pretty much what everyone said 5 pages ago.

Context is key. My experiences do not equate with every SAHP. My choices to SAH were moot. I wanted to because the alternative just was not viable. We had planned some speculation on the property market to protect me financially. Even got so far as to arrange financing and pay for surveys but the sale fell through. Then life, managing additional needs and diagnoses took over. We still might sell up and do something with the money in the future. Still an option and I don't regret the choices I have made. I don't see much panning out better given the situation I was in.

Thank you Cold.

In terms of future prospects / choices, yes

Which is pretty much what everyone said 5 pages ago.

And saying so isn’t disparaging is it?

You’ve spent the whole thread telling us not to be disparaging towards sahp.

Is it right to be disparaging towards people who have made sacrifices in some areas in order to benefit them in others?

I am sorry about your diagnosis

now you’re saying being out of the workforce for 10 years means you are doing worse than average.

In terms of future prospects / choices, yes. Coupled with the cancer. That has the potential to muck a lot up. However my D.C. has benefitted and is doing very well, above average, despite having some additional needs.

Sorry pressed post too soon.

Seriously impressed you can buy a house, run that household on one average salary and save up for solar panels.

House prices were a lot cheaper when we bought our house. Mortgages were easier to come by. A relocation grant funded our initial deposit on our first house.

Doing better than average? Out of the workplace for over ten years

Are you actually being serious. You’ve spent the whole thread telling us not to be disparaging towards sahp. And now you’re saying being out of the workforce for 10 years means you are doing worse than average.

*Seriously impressed you can buy a house, run that household on one average salary and save up for solar panels.

The only people I know with solar panels and the ability to buy battery’s are pretty well off.

People could have solar panels installed for free at the time our's were installed.