Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

Assigned, yes I have one child through choice

Yes me too. A very definite mututal decision which neither of us ever swithered on.

It seems to me that working mothers are often mainly relying on low paid or unpaid women (childcare workers and grannies)

I worked full time from when my son was 2 months old. My son's working parents paid a very good salary to various trained nannies.

I don't know why you assume it is "working mothers" exclusively who are paying for child care.

As you might imagine the decision I made to work was not because of it being the feminist thing to do but on a practical level there can't be anything much more empowering than having complete financial independence.

We are going deep now rat... how does the person know that's what they want? Why do they want that? Is it just coincidence that the vast majority of women "PREFER" to take the sah or pt role? Most women take their husband's name on marriage.. just because they really want to / his name is nicer, if the threads on here are to be believed!
My point is that even if you make a "free choice" from a position of relative privilege - you could have made the other choice - you're still influenced by a ton of societal factors. And yes I think I would feel hypocritical as a feminist if I chose to stay at home given my own (privileged) personal situation.

I don't see why SAHM necessarily has anything to do with feminism? I stay at home because the salary I earned prior to being a mum wouldn't cover the cost of childcare. DH earns more so it makes sense that he works. It's a financial decision not based on feminism in the slightest. I'm actually better qualified than DH but wasn't as lucky in the job market. We'd both like to switch places if we could! Equally some women can't afford not to work if they can earn a decent salary after childcare and they need the money.

Choosing to work or stay at home is different. The point being you're free to choose what matters to you most, and both choices are equally valuable. Most women aren't free to choose though!

Rat what other responsible and specialised careers do you see child rearing being in line with?

I wanna, of course. And I did go away when my daughter was very small, my husband stayed home, just as I stayed home when he was away over night. We worked it jointly and equally.

At the beginning he was in the armed forces, and away for months on end, and I had a childminder during the,day and I was home every night when he was away.. When he came out and got a job on civvy sheet, I had more flexibility and we worked it so one of us was always home. When we had the occassional crunch, and it was rare one of us couldn't move it, mine took precedence as the higher earner.

The trouble is women are not thinking about the years to come. Especially if they haven't married their partner. Now with the retirement age higher there will be women forced to take jobs well into their sixties because they have no pension or very little pension. And state financial provision for single people under retirement age without dependants is quite poor. And their high earning partner will enjoy the benefits of a good pension. Being a SAHP has consequences.

Why is it assumed that parenting isn't equal just because there's a sahp
confused
That is probably because of the experience of the vast majority of the people on the planet. Just a guess.

As a rad fem would recognise your choices are not made in a vacuum. You would not try to claim SAHM was some kind of feminist role.

But what if you were in the position of being able to choose not to be a SAHM just as easily as choosing to be one, but simply you would rather stay at home? So despite believing it to be less desirable you're happy to take advantage of the current patriarchal norm when it aligns with your wishes?

Although I guess the only person who would know whether or not that was what they were doing would be that person themselves. And I suppose whether or not they considered themselves sufficiently feminist would come down to how badly they didn't want to be a hypocritical one.

Sorry bit off topic

There were a couple of excellent threads a while back on the concept of "the facilitated man" and how much easier this whole entitlement and expectation makes men's lives (as a whole).

Why is it assumed that parenting isn't equal just because there's a sahp

See, I don't care about being financially dependant on my dh. Surely the nature of relationships is that both people depend on each other? What I do care about is where that might leave me if we split. I know people don't like hearing it, but he has enjoyed the benefits of me being a sahp, so if that was properly recognised and the money split 50/50 on divorce, the decision to sah would no longer be seen as something which had no value or that makes women vulnerable.

Bluntness, if you are away with work and you had small dc, the fact is that someone would have to be at home looking after them. Lots of families earn well, but not enough for nannies, which is what you'd need, if there was no parent at home. Everyone's life if facilitated by other people.

Also I think someone can BE any type of feminist they want. As a rad fem would recognise your choices are not made in a vacuum. You would not try to claim SAHM was some kind of feminist role.

I don't think I would support a choice to be a SAHP for any length of time. But it would be up to the individual person to make that decision. I don't want to have to support another person's decision in their own life. I would disapprove because I would see the disadvantages. But it would be their choice. I am fed up of SAHP's parents seeking approval from the rest of society. And this need to be valued. If their own families value them that's enough.

What would posters propose as a method of valuing child rearing?

@Catinthebath I think we could start by ensuring those people who do it professionally are paid better and in line with other responsible and specialised careers, the same as others in caring professions should be.

Radical feminism is absolutely not about choice and as I said on my first or second post on this thread, part of radfem analysis is to recognise that such "free choice" is actually not free under patriarchy

Assigned, yes I have one child through choice. Just as many have more than one through choice.

Yes I have a well paid job, I didn't particularly when I gave birth, and my view on child care cost is it should be split between both parents if it's a family unit and it's not the mothers sole responsibility.

Bluntness I agree with you, actually. The way you have been putting it across comes across goady. Not your opinion which is a valid one.

Yep, I was a sahm for 25 years and I'm a feminist.
I chose this, not out of anything to do with available childcare, earning potential or anything else, other than I wanted to be with my children.

I don't think it's particularly praise worthy, but definitely not inferior to others that woh.
It's certainly recognised by the courts during divorce settlements. I've only ever heard of a sahm being left with less than half when the dh has manipulated the figures. This can happen to woh too.

Not inferior, but not a feminist decision in my view either user

Blunt
So just the one child then? Never had to juggle several children's needs, as well as having the cost of childcare for those children?

You clearly have a well paid job.

I guess a check out assistant at Morrisons is not a feminist if she chooses to SAH rather than haul her and her trouser suit to work every day when it costs more than she earns for childcare?

but I think you're being quite goady

And this is what I don't understand, why is it goady to say you can be a radical feminist but have compromised your values if you chose to stay home and you're not on the subject of equal pay and parents in the workplace etc. Quite simply you're not.

As a previous poster explained, you can be a liberal feminist on this issue, because that's about choice but you're not a radical feminist on this issue. Not in any way shape nor form.

". I would not support incentives to push families towards the one person doing all the earning and the other doing everything else."

Totally agree

I'd like to see more fathers being expected to take leave and go PT so that women are less discriminated against - case in point being grilled about family plans the day I turned 30. No such questions to my DH or male colleagues. People automatically think women do all the time off and all the childcare and all the career sacrifices. I would like to see more people challenging that stereotype but it's the path of least resistance unfortunately especially as women tend to earn less.

I wanna, I go back to my point at the beginning, the discussion the op asked for was not on value, it was "am I a radical feminist", my response was not on this specific issue, no I do not recognise her as one. Of course each family is different, of course if someone wishes to do it they should, of course the other parent should value it,,,as Long as that option is available to both parents when financially feasible and they both agree.