Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

Not judging you, lift. Work in a place with female boss and with plenty of female senior managers. All of whom have children. Know a few women who stay at home.
You make whatever choices you have to make and you still have to pay the bills.

If the SAHP role is valued more by society more men would take it on.

Surely not if it's a highly valued thing that is done 99% of the time by women? Surely they'll all just stay in the office with all the other men, regardless of perceived value?

@RatRolyPoly I agree with the "aim" you state, but I would add that the ultimate aim is to remove the loading/inequality in women's choices and you can only do that by recognising that it exists. It makes me sad that many women are satisfied with this illusion of equality, which ultimately perpetuates the status quo.

don't judge me for being what some posters are laughably calling a wage slave.

And equally don't judge me or others for taking on the role of SAHP. If working women in powerful positions supported parents more, returning to work would be a lot more attractive and more easily managed by women who have previously chosen to SAHP.

Should our daughters (& sons) not be able to grow up free from gender stereotyping? Surely there should be approximately equal numbers of women and men at work and SAH?

Any devaluing of a role any woman chooses to take on is a form of stereotyping. If the SAHP role is valued more by society more men would take it on.

It's completely ridiculous and unfeminist to claim that the reason the vast majority of SAHP are women is because women choose it / inherently prefer it. There are so many reasons why women are set up by our society right from school to adulthood to end up in the main domestic role. I'm not going to try and educate people here who persistently ignore this.

Sorry to say this but who is paying for your radicalism? I would have loved to have been able to afford to stay at home but we couldn't. Not even with major belt tightening. Luckily I have in laws who are retired and we pay them to look after our dd.
Not saying you can't be a radical feminist. But don't judge me for being what some posters are laughably calling a wage slave.

I'm a liberal feminist and while I recognise that choices are not made in a vacuum, I think personally that liberal feminism is the way to go to achieve the best outcome for women. It's not that I don't recognise class analysis

Liberal feminism would say it's your free choice to go to work or stay home and either can be a feminist decision.

Again, I wouldn't say either is a feminist decision. What I would say is that the ability of women to live their lives according to their own choices, however loaded those choices may be, is a feminist aim in itself. So the choice itself may not be a feminist one, but it's not my kind of feminism to deny you making it.

Does that make sense?

I appreciate radical feminism might bring about equality quicker, but it seems to come at a price I'm not prepared for women to pay; the sacrifice of the perception of autonomy and choice.

"So the only role of value is that which males stereotypically take on? Continue devaluing women in a role they have chosen?"

Many women do not choose it, but are pushed into it by circumstance, default, society, career choices. I didn't say the only role of value is the traditionally male one. Should our daughters (& sons) not be able to grow up free from gender stereotyping? Surely there should be approximately equal numbers of women and men at work and SAH? (In the absence of a utopia where everyone works part time)

Liberal feminism would say it's your free choice to go to work or stay home and either can be a feminist decision. I don't agree with the liberal feminist view

I disagree with that. Liberal feminism for me involves changing legislation and social attitudes to promote more equality. Although I do agree that it’s not so good at looking a cultural influences

do you see no problem then, with a society where men do all the work outside the home and women do all the work inside it, from a feminist perspective? Really?

So the only role of value is that which males stereotypically take on? Continue devaluing women in a role they have chosen? Stop devaluing SAHM work, yes, really!

This deeming as valuable only the work which is paid is firmly rooted in a patriarchal capitalist perspective. In a society where extended family bonds are valued and families pull together to help house, raise, care for and feed family members, less of the work undertaken is chargeable. The whole family might pull together towards production. However only outsiders are charged monetarily and only the surplus, after providing for the family, is sold.

" these choices are made in an environment which is not neutral"

Radical feminism recognises this, that there are various barriers in place to women actually having much of a choice.

Liberal feminism would say it's your free choice to go to work or stay home and either can be a feminist decision. I don't agree with the liberal feminist view.

" know what would happen - the person whose job does allow them to leave at a reasonable time would do most of the childcare, as well as their own job."

True and this is the reason many women quit. But looking at this from a feminist perspective- which is what this thread is about - why is it mostly women having to make that choice? Is that fair? Is that okay?

Why is work more important than bonds to society?

Well you can tax work but you can’t tax bonds. That sounds like I’m being negative about work but actually I mean the opposite. We need people in employment to contribute taxes.

A large number of people breastfeed beyond a year. It was more like two years, in my own case

Actually very few women in the U.K. breastfeed after a year, only 1 in 200. I did breastfeed over a year though and I went back to work full time at 10 months. Feeding a 13 month old is vastly different from feeding a 3 month old.

I worked for an organisation with a majority female workforce (men at the top though, natch! ). Successful returns after mat leave were like hens teeth - most either jumped, or were pushed. Flexible hours, part-time working, job-shares, working from home - all were forbidden, as the CEO didn't like them. The head of HR went on about how much she hated pregnant women (I think she was joking, but it didn't fill me with confidence about telling them I was up the duff!), maternity expenses were specifically excluded from the company health plan. You get the picture. It didn't feel like a terribly welcoming environment to go back to. Couple that with a flat management structure that left no room for promotion, and a culture that expected staff to 'develop' and take on more responsibility for the same money, and the decision to not return seemed like the best option to me, at that time.

Jobs in my field don't really exist here, so I decided that, since we as a family don't want to relocate (we like it here!) I would change career. I'm in the process of retraining now, while SAHM-ing.

Was that a feminist choice? Maybe not. But it was a choice made in an environment that was not particularly feminist itself, IYSWIM. If my old workplace had been more flexible, we would probably have done the 'both going part-time' thing (DH would have had no problem doing this as his industry is far more flexible, ironically), but it wasn't. And he earned more than me and was far happier in his job than me. So. There you go.

I like being at home with DS, and I don't think it's automatically feminist to go to work over staying at home. (I don't know enough about radfem vs libfem to judge that, mind you). However I think that the fact that these choices are made in an environment which is not neutral needs to be recognised.

@Bellamuerte and others arguing biology - does that mean that women should not have equal career opportunities? Because I don't believe for 1 second that women aren't as interested in working because of biology. Yes you can cite breastfeeding, pregnancy, these things are temporary- whether it's 2 weeks or a year post birth for you.

People arguing that the solution is to "stop devaluing" SAHM work - do you see no problem then, with a society where men do all the work outside the home and women do all the work inside it, from a feminist perspective? Really?

Bumble, I think my dh would get fired, if he couldn't do the job for which he was hired. Where do you leave the kids if you have to go to China for a week? Who picks them up from school if you are with clients on the other side of the country. It's not as simple as saying 'leave work earlier, you are not doing anything productive during long hours anyway'.
Anyway, I know what would happen - the person whose job does allow them to leave at a reasonable time would do most of the childcare, as well as their own job. I used to teach, which on the face of it is conducive to family life and one parent having a less 'regular' job. In reality though, it means teaching all day, doing all the house/child care until they go to bed, then doing all the planning/marking for work.
Bugger that. I elect not to. Dh and I both have a much more chilled life, this way. I like being a sahp. Dh would like it too and if I had his earning ability, I'd swap and give him a turn. I don't feel hard done by. My only issue is how vulnerable women are posy divorce. The solution to that is for society to ensure that men are forced to recognise how much they have benefitted too and how much harder their lives would be if they truly had to do 50% of all childcare and therefore share the earnings fairly, post divorce.

Society only values what it pays for. If we want men to recognise child care work, then they have to be forced to acknowledge its value to them. Not having to organise your life around childminder pick ups etc is a big advantage in the workplace, so make sure men are forced to see its value in monetary terms and you will end the disparity.

At a year my baby still very much relied on being breastfed.

I know lilting, me too. Just saying that there's a limit to how long we should paint women as being beholden to having had a child, and that she needs to be able to choose her way out of being viewed as "changed" by it.

So yeah, pregnancy and birth did something to me, but when I choose to go back to work I'm choosing to tell society to stop seeing me that way and to go back to seeing me in my professional capacity. Although in my home life I may still continue to breastfeed or whatever.

Maternity leave's a year; that's long enough to make use of those leaking boobs, no?

A large number of people breastfeed beyond a year. It was more like two years, in my own case.

Society should surely value the work, not the bond?

Why is work more important than bonds to society? Bonding is important in nurturing and allowing people to feel secure and confident. Which in turn allows them to be creative and productive.

Bonding is an important part of the infrastructure which provides the optimum environment for production.

Bella for how long in a woman's life are you going to consign her to being a slave to that biological function though?

Maternity leave's a year; that's long enough to make use of those leaking boobs, no? That's not being a SAHM. Should employers be forgiven for not encouraging us back after that point because pregnancy changed our brains and made us better suited to staying at home??

This statement devalues parents and the parental bond. By implying we need 'qualified' people to rear our children for us. Sounds a bit state controlly to me...

it can be seen to up the value of childcare as we are deeming it an activity that's worth the career sacrifice so therefore is very worthwhile

I don't think it does devalue the bond really, although I can't see who exactly should value the "bond" other than the family themselves? Society should surely value the work, not the bond?

And I can see how the value is upped within an individual family unit by choosing to give up work to do it, but I can't see it upped in society. I mean where does that leave people who choose it as their careers?

Like if everyone decides doing their own electrics is a really valuable job to them personally and an easy one that anyone can do, and everyone gives up work to do their own electrics. Where does that leave all the electricians? How does that leave society thinking about the work that electricians do?