Is choosing to be a SAHM a feminist decision?

@flameoutteacher this was mostly my reasons for giving up full time work. Why have two frazzled out parents if you can afford to stay at home. I work part time on a flexiable basis so keep my career ticking along.

it gives the whole family some stability and works really well for us. I don't have school age children but I actually anticipate older children needing someone at home more.

Interested in this thread because I am seriously considering becoming a SAHP even though our child is now at school. I'm a teacher with ridiculous work to bring home. We have a cleaner. DH earns far more than me.

I am exhausted trying to do everything. I am reaching the stage where I would rather be at home cooking proper food and cleaning than juggling work and family life while eating whatever's in the freezer and paying a cleaner. I don't feel like I have it all - or rather I have on paper but I don't have time to enjoy any of it. I honestly think we would all benefit from me being at home but I'm reluctant to give up my own income. I'm leaning more towards casual supply teaching so I can say no to work that doesn't suit me.

If you go out, work your high-powered full-time job, competing successfully with men for that position how does that serve to dismantle the patriarchy? Surely it props up the model established and says "yep this works and if women really want to they can be part of it". In those circumstances there's no motivation for any workplace or government to even consider a model where both men and women have more flexibility in working and in raising their kids. On top of that you compromise on the number of children you have because your gut feel is that if you've more than one you won't be able to maintain your career. You're playing their game by their rules.

Yeah, but the thing with The Good Life was that Tom was always more of a patriarchal sexist git, despite his good intentions
Give me Jerry anyday

Goodness yes. I much preferred Margot and Jerry

you don't have to be a SAHM to be colluding with the patriarchy and facilitating men's careers

That is very true.

It’s like the gender pay gap. Does every woman who has a lesser paying job prop up the patriarchy through her choices or is there something else happening?

If you’re openly judging someone then they get defensive - I’m angry I got made redundant on mat leave so I will say about it but someone else might feel ashamed and that it is a failure on their part so wouldn’t talk about it. They might talk about all the benefits that they perceive of being a sahp instead and then it turns into a massive bunfight about who’s best. We’re all best.

If you do this, and your DH doesn't, you are still facilitating them in their presenteesim or them taking on interesting new challenges even if that wasn't your intention or purpose behind it

True, but no where near to the same extent. However the question thr op asked was was she a rad fem if she was also a stay at home parent, so that's what the thread is about, but sure, there are shades of grey.

What am I doing the destroy the patriarchy? Lol. Well let me count the ways...

The patriarchy has destroyed me tbh even though I was brought up by a mother who worked outside the home and I’ve got lots of STEM qualifications. I didn’t look for the patriarchy, but it came for me. That’s when I discovered more about feminism and that my beliefs align with radical ones (to the best of my knowledge - it’s not one of my academic areas of study and I tend to keep it broad).

What should I be doing? As a sahm with a business and 6 hours a week childcare? I’d much rather be ceo of Big Bollocks Tech Inc btw but it hasn’t panned out like that for me - still time tho!

Bluntenss100

Fair enough - its where you stay in work, but possibly take an easier role than one you are capable of, take less challenging projects, and work more 9-5 than the 8-8 you did previously so that you can see your children and not be exhausted. Some Dad's do it too.

If you do this, and your DH doesn't, you are still facilitating them in their presenteesim or them taking on interesting new challenges even if that wasn't your intention or purpose behind it.

indeed

Yeah, but the thing with The Good Life was that Tom was always more of a patriarchal sexist git, despite his good intentions.
Give me Jerry anyday.

What's the mum track? I've never heard of such a thing.

but why is that different than choosing to work but taking the 'mum track' - surely you've just got a bee in your bonnet about someone not working.

I think this would make a great idea for a sit-com

Indeed.

And, for me, I specifically stated this was in relation to women who chose not to work when they could and had no hurdles in doing so.

How many of those do you think there are in our current patriarchy?

Many women who SAHP choose to walk away from their careers because they are not compatible with raising children (no flexibility or family friendly working practices). They choose not to juggle because they see that as detrimental to their own and their family's health and well-being

And yet so few men have this problem? Very few indeed. For them family life is fully compatible. why Do you think that is? Who do you think allows them that compatibility to go on with their careers through father hood, with little to no hinderance like a working mother?

And, for me, I specifically stated this was in relation to women who chose not to work when they could and had no hurdles in doing so.

I have found this so interesting. Is radical feminism a belief system or a way of life? Like Christians who shag before marriage, it's part of the human condition to be self serving when it comes down to it.

I agree with rad fem principles but me and my family aren't going to be the guinea pig / sacrificial lamb while I dismantle the patriarchy. I know this attitude is self serving and maybe hypocritical. Where would we be if the Pankhursts felt the same?! Etc etc.

I guess some of us "identify as" rad fem but "living as" a rad fem isn't a material reality

Someone not somewhat. Typo.

By walking away from your career as a woman, by ensuring your husbands is smooth, you make sure it remains a small amount of women, you are one less who evens up thr score. And one more woman who ensures another man makes it.

Many women who SAHP choose to walk away from their careers because they are not compatible with raising children (no flexibility or family friendly working practices). They choose not to juggle because they see that as detrimental to their own and their family's health and well-being. You could say they are the victims of the patriarchy, although they may feel they have made a good choice and are successful in it. Would you regard somewhat who fits the profile of a victim of a crime as someone who perpetuates crime? No. Exactly. Then why consider SAHMs to be perpetuating patriarchy?

you don't have to be a SAHM to be colluding with the patriarchy and facilitating men's careers

I manage to work and do all that as well.

radical feminism is ripping it up and starting again

What are you doing to rip it up HandbagKrabby?

No liberal is about the individual, it's saying women should have the freedom to chose, and seek their own equality what ever that may be.

Radical is about society, it's about saying we need to restructure to remove the patriachy and work together as women for that goal.

I don’t see how a small amount of women managing to have a high flying career and a family is dismantling the patriarchy or radical feminist in itself? Does Teresa May do this? To have true equality we need women from all walks of life to be valued and respected and that includes sahm.

Nobody has suggested that the patriarchy has already been dismantled on this thread
That is a radical feminist aspiration. Equality of the sexes assumes that men and women are given the same opportunities under the same social limitations, ie one sex is not disadvantaged by the other. The whole notion of radical feminism is to stop the structures that advantage men over women. While I think you can be a SAHM now and support those ideals while not living them currently yourself, I genuinely do see how you can look for that to be the way for the future as a rad fem without hoping that SAHP becomes equally the preserve of men and women or that women and men work and parent more equally.

I thought liberal feminism was trying to change the patriarchy from the inside whereas radical feminism is ripping it up and starting again. Even though I’m a terrible sahm I see myself as radical as I don’t think the systems we have are right for most individuals or society in general. It’s hard to walk the talk when you’re made redundant on mat leave. Perhaps me setting my own business up is radical as I own the means of production. Or maybe I’m a wanky mumpreneur who needs to go out and get a proper job? Who knows

I don’t see how a small amount of women managing to have a high flying career and a family is dismantling the patriarchy or radical feminist in itself

This is the point, this is radical feminism. That society needs radically realtering. Why is it a small amount of women? Why should it not be fifty fifty between the genders? Why should we not be equal? By walking away from your career as a woman, by ensuring your husbands is smooth, you make sure it remains a small amount of women, you are one less who evens up thr score. And one more woman who ensures another man makes it.

I don’t see how a small amount of women managing to have a high flying career and a family is dismantling the patriarchy or radical feminist in itself? Does Teresa May do this? To have true equality we need women from all walks of life to be valued and respected and that includes sahm.

I agree, Handbag. Thank you.