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Original poster

Have I done the right thing? Outed myself as a Terf

36 replies

smithsinarazz · 01/03/2018 22:31

On Facebook. Reaction: not all that bad.
Not a massive flurry of support, but some. Several friends saying the important thing is dialogue; one completely agreeing with me.
One TIM haranguing me, calling me various names, and saying "If you carry on arguing a point, without caring about the impact on other people, it's hate." To which I nearly replied "So, you hate women, then?"
Mum said to me, on the phone, "But you won't need to say any more about it, will you, sweetie?" She knows what I'm like, you see. She knows I can get myself into a massive tizzy about things that don't matter a hill of beans. In the background, DH says to the baby, "Don't turn out like your mummy. She's a pain in the arse." He knows what I'm like, too.
Am I being an utter fool for caring about all this? Are we all?

OP posts:
TheSistineMadeMeScream · 02/03/2018 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YippeeKiYayMelonFarmer · 02/03/2018 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 02/03/2018 10:35

Women have typically been socialised since birth to believe that our concerns and feelings are unimportant (especially compared to those of men) and that asserting them is somehow bad or inappropriate.

This is why, even when it comes to matters of huge importance to us, men still find it easy to convince us we're being unreasonable if we speak out.

My view is 1) this matters but 2) I don't know if we can hope to win.

Lazylouse · 02/03/2018 10:32

It definitely matters. Well done for going public on it.

Original poster
smithsinarazz · 02/03/2018 10:18

Thanks. I am oscillating - I am saying things which people aren't "allowed" to say, and it makes me wonder if I'm being an arse, or starting a fight unnecessarily. Then I come back on here and get "radicalised" all over again. I know that in the past I've got myself into no end of trouble by kicking off about things that didn't matter a hill of beans, or picking fights that I couldn't hope to win. Just want to make sure this isn't one of them.

OP posts:
TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 01/03/2018 22:43

If you carry on arguing a point, without caring about the impact on other people, it's hate

OED definition: hate speech

Abusive or threatening speech or writing that expresses prejudice against a particular group

Notice that the definition depends on the content of what is said (abuse, threats) not how much the person hearing it likes or agrees with it.

I wish people would get a grip.

Original poster
smithsinarazz · 01/03/2018 22:42

No, DH is just my best mate in the world, he wasn't patronising me. He puts up with an awful lot of ranting, bless him.

OP posts:
ButteredScone · 01/03/2018 22:40

No, well done. It is hard to speak out. I just wish I’d done it sooner but it was all a bit hazy for a while. Now I can’t shut up. I am so angry and scared about it all.

There’s another thread about the Therapy Today ‘apology’ for printing a letter with a very mild critique of the current trans agenda. It makes me want to weep/rage/take to the hills. I think anyone who feels like this has to just stand up and be counted. It’s good that you had a message of support too.

thebewilderness · 01/03/2018 22:39

Women losing access to the public sphere because there is no safe place for them to relieve themselves is no small matter. This is what keeps girls and women limited to this day in India.
Men burned the first women's public loo in London right down to the ground. Your DH is teaching your child to be disrespectful of you and seems to want you to know it.

UpstartCrow · 01/03/2018 22:37

Am I being an utter fool for caring about all this? Are we all?

If you ever have a moments doubt, ask yourself did men create Rape Crisis for women, or DV shelters for women? Or did women do that in response to a need?
Did men voluntarily give women the vote, or did they grudgingly allow it after a lot of pressure from women?

TheXXFactor · 01/03/2018 22:34

Well your DH sounds like a patronising twat, but well done for speaking out.