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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Brendan Cox

56 replies

SusanBunch · 11/02/2018 10:45

So he has been accused of groping a woman in an American bar, grabbing her hips and bottom and thrusting his thumb into her mouth after she repeatedly told him no. This is the second round of accusations. In 2015, before Jo Cox was murdered, there were newspaper reports that he had voluntarily left his post at Save the Children after more than one co-worker threatened to make an almighty fuss about his conduct. Obviously these allegations have yet to be proven in a court of law, but it doesn't look great.

It will be interesting to see how this pans out. He has traded on his saint-like image since his wife died and the left-wing press love him. He often portrays himself as Dad of the year etc and I think he even did a live chat on Mumsnet. But now it appears that this is a man who assaults women while his wife and small children are at home. It's interesting that the 2015 story was not raked up more when he put himself in the public eye. I wonder if he can survive this.

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nauticant · 12/02/2018 08:28

I thought it was strange that over the course of yesterday, this story wasn't picked up by other media outlets.

I've just heard the head of Save the Children UK being interviewed on Radio 4 Today about the scandal of charities turning a blind eye to abusive behaviour and there was no mention of Brendan Cox.

The media in general would seem to want this story to go away. I don't think it's a conspiracy but to me this looks like "the path of least resistance" in operation.

SusanBunch · 11/02/2018 20:52

Who really knows. She may have been planning on leaving him at some point anyway or maybe she was staying with him for the sake of the kids. She came across as a strong, independent woman. It's just such a shame that a guy who was lucky enough to get a woman like her and have a beautiful family would still go round putting his slimy hands on any woman unfortunate enough to cross his path.

It's relevant to the other thread on here about men hating women. I am sure Brendan Cox loved and admired his wife (in his own 'special' way). But the other women he worked with and met were just expendable fuck-toys essentially. He didn't give a shit about their thoughts, feelings or bodily integrity- they literally did not matter. Therefore, it doesn't matter how much he goes on about loving Jo- he is still an example of a man who hates women.

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Geronimoleapinglizards · 11/02/2018 20:08

GeronimoNot all 'the wives' turn a blind eye or are content to pay a price for material benefits. Some spouses are simply extraordinarily good at deceit and their partner has no idea. They are normal trusting people, not dim, naive or mercenary.

No, I'm very aware of that. I'm sorry if my messafe implied otherwise, I was sliggtly typing in a rush. But some do turn a blind eye. I know people who do. I don't judge them but it's reality for some. And I don't think it's just about getting material benefits. It's much more complex than that. It might be stability for them and their children, having a companion as opposed to be alone, ensuring their child doesn't then get abandoned by their dad altogether, wanting a couples' lifestyle/social life as opposed to being a single parent. It's very complex.

I don't doubt that many men are extraordinarily good at deceit though, as you say. Many women just simply don't know who they're married to.

keepingonrunning · 11/02/2018 19:19

Geronimo Not all 'the wives' turn a blind eye or are content to pay a price for material benefits. Some spouses are simply extraordinarily good at deceit and their partner has no idea. They are normal trusting people, not dim, naive or mercenary.

Lefty or righty makes no difference. The common denominator is an expectation of power, control and entitlement by some men.

I really feel for Jo's family.

OldEnglishSheepDog · 11/02/2018 18:54

God this makes me so angry. Those poor women, poor Jo and actually poor everyone who supported the causes he espoused and now have to put up with alt-right types being smug about it.

FFS.

AskBasil · 11/02/2018 16:45

I don't find it difficult to believe that Brendan Cox is a typical leftyboy.

We know what they're like.

Geronimoleapinglizards · 11/02/2018 16:37

Broken Flowers I'm sure she was happy. She had her lovely children and a fulfilling job and no doubt some of her marriage was happy. I know similar men (I'm sure we all do) and the wives either turn a blind eye to the point of willfully ignoring what's happening or they benefit in other ways and get good at ignoring the not happy bits. I think you can still be happy in a very up and down relationship if that makes any sense. I had some very happy times with my abusive ex.

Brokenbiscuit · 11/02/2018 16:09

Hettie, as someone who knew Jo many years ago, your post makes me feel really sad. I am still so appalled at what happened to her, I would at least have liked to believe that she was happy while she was alive. Her family must be finding this terribly difficult.

Still, whatever we might feel about it, the truth will out eventually. And if BC is guilty of these things, then he must be held accountable.

Hettie123 · 11/02/2018 15:49

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SusanBunch · 11/02/2018 15:42

Hettie that is really sad. What hope is there for any of us when a beautiful, intelligent, committed and brilliant woman like Jo ends up with a wankbucket like that? I guess he has charm and confidence in spades though.

I hope he has the decency to step away from the charity. His poor kids as well- he was obviously so arrogant that he thought he was untouchable.

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Hettie123 · 11/02/2018 15:34

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QueenLaBeefah · 11/02/2018 12:57

I don't want to believe this but experience has taught me that the allegations are probably true.

UpABitLate · 11/02/2018 12:38

Men who are feminist often concern themselves with women over there >>> where things are properly bad

And feel quite happy to be sexist (often in really smarmy insidious ways) to women over here >>> sitting next to them, becasue women next to them are spolit and have it good compared to women over there >>>.

Meanwhile men over there >>> are doing the exact same in reverse.

Bluedoglead · 11/02/2018 12:36

I’ve just posted on the other thread. In essence, This shows up for me what a problem the we beleive you campaign is.

We beleive you unless we like the person you’re accusing.

Innocent til proven guilty should be for everyone and we cannot say we beleive you so blindly.

SusanBunch · 11/02/2018 12:35

Then they expect women to agree with them that type of man A is bad but type of man B never does this sort of thing. Then when women say, it's all types of men, the common denominator is men, they say boohoo namalt and you'e a witch.

Yup, pretty much. IME the men who loudly proclaim to be feminists are often some of the worst. I used to work with someone who always referred to himself as a radical feminist. Except he watched violent porn (which was of course women's choice to get involved in) and tried it on with me when drunk (despite being married and having a pregnant wife). I am not sure what, apart from saying he was a feminist, he actually thought he was doing to further feminism's cause....

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Geronimoleapinglizards · 11/02/2018 12:18

I rememer reading about this on here just after Jo's awful murder. Or rather I read someone saying something about her husband and the allegations and she was told very fimly by other posters becuase it wasn't the time to mention them. Fair enough, perhaps it wasn't. But at some point given his position in the public eye they were going to be talked about.

It's very challenging because I admire Jo a lot based on what I've read about her but there we go. Some nice women are still married to men who behave appallingly. It's only his responsibility if it's all true.

UpABitLate · 11/02/2018 12:15

Oh and the second part yes other men, men who like them, explain it away.

This happens all the time, men are only critical of other men's misdemeanours if it's not a man from their "tribe".

Then they expect women to agree with them that type of man A is bad but type of man B never does this sort of thing. Then when women say, it's all types of men, the common denominator is men, they say boohoo namalt and you'e a witch.

UpABitLate · 11/02/2018 12:14

"To be fair, sexual assault allegations don't tend to have a hugely damaging impact on men and given that a lot of his cheerleaders on Twitter are saying these are all lies, he probably will weather this storm."

This.

Most men who behave like this, I don't think they see their actions as particularly unusual or bad, they think that most men behave like this, they don't for a minute consider their actions illegal but see it as all a "bit of fun". Of course they never take into account or even think to consider how the woman on the receiving end feels as in these situations the woman is just a sort of focus for what he wants to do, it's not actually about the woman, in these things, they are interchangable and not really the point at all.

SusanBunch · 11/02/2018 11:44

He definitely was taking a big risk taking on such a public role, given that the allegations were already out there. Perhaps he was arrogant enough to think that they would not resurface or that he could deflect them by claiming that they were untrue. To be fair, sexual assault allegations don't tend to have a hugely damaging impact on men and given that a lot of his cheerleaders on Twitter are saying these are all lies, he probably will weather this storm.

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Thisusernamethingistricky · 11/02/2018 11:41

He is, as they seem to say these days, 'problematic'.

OvaHere · 11/02/2018 11:38

Having said that. It's entirely likely that Jo herself would have been a trans supporter if she were here to give her views. I don't think we can assume she would be gender critical on this one subject.

OvaHere · 11/02/2018 11:36

I have a lot of sympathy for Jo Cox's family following her murder but a suffering a tragedy doesn't make someone a saint. Anyone can lose a family member under horrific circumstances.

Given the prioritisation of a number of TIMs (possibly self ID ones) on the Jo Cox leadership program I would say it's very likely that Brendan Cox follows the typical lefty man stereotype.

UpABitLate · 11/02/2018 11:32

The other point is that he is not her.

Lovely brilliant women have husbands who are twats all the time.

In his case it sounds a bit more than twattish but still.

UpABitLate · 11/02/2018 11:30

People are people and have different facets.

It seems to be very difficult for lots of people - and I'm guilty of it myself - to believe bad things about people including public figures that they like.

I didn't know about this news so thanks for posting.

It's a #metoo situaiton isn't it - men in bars clubs do this sort of shit all the time so it's hardly difficult to believe and as what I would call "low level" (even though it isn't at all it's just something that we know women are supposed to put up with I mean in my day no-one would have dreamt of reporting what is in the OP at the bar) it's not a very interesting story to make up even if she had reasons for lying which of course we have no reason to think she does.

As with all these things and based in past experience, with multiple allegations from different sources I'm easily inclined to believe it.

I see that alternate explanations are being offered already.

Fact of the matter is that while men will spend their time saying oh it's this or that, most women will read that and think yes that happens all the time, loads of men are like that, it's hardly difficult to believe that he might be.

LangCleg · 11/02/2018 11:30

I had wondered why the press hadn't made more of the accusations against him before

It all got subsumed into the row over Justin Forsyth allowing a humanitarian award to be given to Tony Blair and the subsequent arguing over his obscene salary and the revolving charity jobs-for-the-Labour-boys business.

Then Jo was murdered so horrifically.

I think it was only a matter of time before the spotlight turned back to Brendan. And, if the allegations are true, he has only himself to blame.