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Original poster

What would it mean to you "to live in the acquired gender" or as the opposite sex?

60 replies

MarSeeAh · 30/01/2018 13:10

I plan to go and speak to my MSP next week and have been thinking about what questions I can ask him and how best to get my point over. I thought I could ask him what changes he would have to make "to live as a woman".

Then I started to wonder what changes I would have to make "to live as a man".

Not many. Even if I go along with the stereotypes of "presenting" as male, there's not much to do. Today, at work as Parish Minister, I am wearing Docs, jeans, vest top, sweatshirt and scarf. When I was out earlier, I wore an anorak which was originally my uncle's. I don't wear make-up or perfume, I don't wear any jewellery, and my haircut is more common for men than it is for women.

I work in a profession with pay scales which are agreed annually, published and are the same for men and women, so I wouldn't be able to demand extra pay as a man.

I am single, so wouldn't have the problems associated with telling a partner or spouse that I'd changed! Although, so far, I'm not sure that they'd notice anyway unless I told them!

Hmmm....

What would change?

I would pay less for a haircut.

Would I get my state pension at a different age? I think I should receive that when I'm 67 or 68. Occupational pension - no difference.

To be honest, I would have to change more if I were to try to live according to sexist stereotypes of what a woman is.

Anyone else? What would you have to change?

OP posts:
Original poster
MarSeeAh · 30/01/2018 13:40

I might start asking people about this then. Instead of talking about what a woman is or isn't - which is abstract and hypothetical for most people - and can be easily waffled away.

What would you have to change about yourself to live as the opposite sex?

And then, point out that pretty much everything they respond with is either a sexist stereotype or requires change from a third party.

OP posts:
OvaHere · 30/01/2018 13:39

Yes MarSeeAh they are really just examples of socialisation. The most liberating thing for me would be societal permission to be an awful lot more selfish. Unfortunately my female socialisation would probably struggle with it regardless.

PositivelyPERF · 30/01/2018 13:38

You could always take your top off and sit there topless. When he starts spluttering, just look him in the eye and say you’re a man. What’s he going to say to that, without seeming transphobic. 😬

SlowlyShrinking · 30/01/2018 13:37

I posted this on another thread, but a transman on Twitter called Steven whittle said that his wife knew he was a man because he doesn’t know any of the names of his children’s friends 😳

OvaHere · 30/01/2018 13:34

Living in the acquired gender is another one of those phrases that has changed meaning along with transexual to transgender. It used to mean a concerted effort to blend in (even if that did rely heavily on stereotypes). Now it's meaningless because it's largely been replaced with living as your true authentic self which has endless permutations and means whatever someone wants it to.

Original poster
MarSeeAh · 30/01/2018 13:32

But then those behavioural changes are really a combination of sexist stereotypes and socialisation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarSeeAh · 30/01/2018 13:30

All very points there, OvaHere, and if I were still married I could see those behavioural changes as being not only a requirement, but very enjoyable and liberating!

Being single, I don't have those options. I could make some other behavioural changes though. I could stop moving out of the way of people walking towards me on a narrow pavement, stop apologising for errors I have made and instead blame the other person, and I would start assuming women are simply there to make life easier for me.

OP posts:
nauticant · 30/01/2018 13:27

I suspect that the concept "living in the acquired gender" would be lost in the gender-fluid "noise" while still being held as a figleaf.

If there is to be any consistency, it can't be clothes because women can wear GNC clothes, and similarly it can't be hobbies, activities, friends, work, home lift, or any of it really.

I actually suspect that "to live in the acquired gender" will end up being "what I say it means because I am a woman."

Original poster
MarSeeAh · 30/01/2018 13:25

I've thought of some other things which according to sexist stereotypes are apparently "man" things.

Putting the bins out. I do this already.
DIY, gardening and domestic maintenance. I do all of this already, have a range of power tools which I can and do use, and I am capable of assessing what I can't do, and pay someone else who can.

A change I'd have to make, or rather my DS would have to make to prop up my new gender identity. He'd have to start referring to me as and calling me Father, instead of Mother. But he may choose not to do that, which is his right and objective reality.

OP posts:
OvaHere · 30/01/2018 13:22

Well I suppose I could stop being the default parent in everything.

I could start asking everyone else in the household what is for tea and when are you going food shopping?

I could also start asking everyone else where my socks, shoes, keys, sports stuff, school stuff is? And expect them to know!

I could make plans to be out of the house with the unsaid assumption that it's totally fine and everyone else will just work around it.

Other than that I'm not sure. I suppose I could cut my hair a bit shorter than it is already and stop wearing make up on the 2 or 3 occasions a year that I bother. Replace black leggings with joggers? Buy a few more shirts?

Interestingly I imagine the physical stuff mentioned above would go completely un noticed by my family but I can guarantee they would notice and disapprove of the behaviour changes outlined above. Grin

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