FTM transition - can I just rant/discuss?!

Hi gendercritter

I can't really pinpoint when it started exactly, but I know I was about 11 years old. I'd just hit puberty and it was awful. It was so bad that I ended up struggling with depression, anxiety and eating disorders for 4 years. After I managed to resolve these issues (and regained lost weight) the dysphoria became really intense, and it's stayed that way since. I don't think there was an event which could have triggered it. My granddad died a couple of years before, and I've struggled generally with friendships, school and trying to meet high expectations, but I feel as though these are issues I've dealt with alongside the dysphoria, rather than them contributing factors.

I'm sorry you experienced dysmorphia as a teenager, but I'm glad that you have managed to somewhat alleviate it. I really hope I am able to do the same, although at the moment it seems a huge impossibility.

And thank you, I hope so too.

Hi, I've posted a few times on here before and thought I could contribute to this thread.

Hi TruscumTeen. It's good to have you here and to get your opinion. You sound very switched on for 16. Can I ask you when your dysphoria started? Was it connected to any event in your life?

I hated my body as a teenager. I didn't have gender dysphoria but I believe I had dysmorphia - your description of struggling when you shower because you hate yourself so much is exactly what I felt.

I know gender dysphoria is very complex but I hope it helps you a tiny bit to say now I'm in my 30's I don't have any such feelings. I value my body. It is a long way from perfect - in fact I am having multiple surgeries to correct a medical condition which affects my appearance, but even with that I like myself and feel like I'm an ally to my body rather than wanting to destroy it.

I hope you stick around and join in the conversation where you can. And I hope your dysphoria eases.

According reddit sub UK Trans, this private doctor will prescribe you hormones after a Skype consultation

gendergp.co.uk/about-us-medical-team/

A FtM patient can't just receive a prescription for testosterone in a jiffy. There are protocols in place, like counselling and living as the other gender for a year

Simply not true. I went to a the gender clinic with a friend who was transitioning from Male to female. He (and I use that pronoun because he has now detransitioned and thinks he made a terrible mistake) changed into women’s clothes in the loos before he saw the doctor, lied and said he always dressed as a women. Lied about the last time he had sex. Regurgitated a load of crap he’d got from a “how to get hormones from the dr” website. Got his gender dysphoria diagnosis on the spot and was started on hormones three months later after repeating the same lies to the doctor on his second visit. Throughout he dressed as a man day to day, only putting womens clothes on when visiting the gender clinic, and continued to sleep with his partner. He totally believed that he could carry on living as a man until his operation, then would magically emerge from the hospital into the world as a whole new (female) person, and all his problems would be solved. No one, shamefully myself included, told him otherwise.

Also I am concerned that the MHRA- the UK body which regulates medicines- puts out lots of warnings about other dangerous off-label uses of medicines doesn’t appear to have commented on this area yet.

(note: not all off label uses of drugs are dangerous, but that’s when they are individually prescribed by a doctor who knows what they are doing and monitors the patient)

I havent seen the MHRA saying anything yet about the dangers of buying hormones over the internet and self-‘medicating’- where you have no way to know if the hormones you are buying are safe or if they what they say they are, if they are safe for you as an individual to take, you can’t know how much dosage you are taking etc etc. All the usual warnings you would get with prescription-only drugs bought in a shady way off the Internet.

Surely everyone has an interest in making sure people are informed about the safety of what they are buying and the need for medical assessment, talking therapy with a professional, supervision and advice before doing something not- reversible to their bodies.

Ditto advertising standards authority if there are any UK based suppliers advertising hormones for sale direct to consumers over the internet.

There are loads of helpful information resources here, jus in case anyone hasn’t already been to this site:
www.transgendertrend.com

I don't know if this really follows here but it has sprung to mind...in the 1980s it was perfectly ok for women to look like men and for men to look like women. That was pushing gender boundaries...now people are micro-managing their identity and labeling everything...putting yourself in a box is not freedom.

In the 1980s, that non-conformance was driven by our music...what has happened to our music today? Political songs used to be mainstream too. It's seems to be all about attitude now.

Fortunately, when my daughter was going through a difficult period, she turned to bands like Bring Me The Horizon...others are turning to Social Media and we see the results of that.

TT Thank you for that insight. Voices like yours are very important in this debate.

Hi, I've posted a few times on here before and thought I could contribute to this thread.

I'm 16 years old and a transman/TIF (whatever people prefer). I experience debilitating dysphoria. I look in the mirror and just want to cry. Taking a shower is so difficult when everything I see makes me want to hurt myself. I'm not solely attracted to females (bisexual), so would not be considered lesbian if I didn't want to transition. I'm very gender critical, and agree with what is said on this thread. Also, no one apart from some close friends and my family is aware of my being transsexual - I go "stealth" which means that I keep it a secret (I "pass" decently well).

At my school (before I finished), there were 5 or 6 transkids - all biologically female. Outside of school, I know of perhaps 7 or 8 more transkids - again, all biologically female. ALL of these kids (all under 18) Are attracted to females. The one TIM I know is attracted to males. All of us are from one small town. When having conversations with these people, dysphoria is rarely - if ever - mentioned. The mantra is "dysphoria is not necessary to be trans", and "feeling trapped in the wrong body". All of these kids DID identify as homosexual at one point, and they all seemed to "come out" at once. As "homosexual kids" they received insults, jokes and comments. Now, as "transkids" they receive compliments and special treatment and a lot of positive attention. They all talk about trans YouTubers, Reddit and Tumblr.

These kids are no doubt being influenced into identifying as trans. It's quite plainly seen as "better" than being gay. I spoke to a 17 year old who used to identify as trans but has since desisted and is now comfortable with being lesbian. She said she found a "community" who accepted her and didn't insult her, and she got caught up in the ideology. It's a very desirable community to be a part of - 100% acceptance, lots of "friends and allies", a lot of attention.

Of all the people 14-18 I know, I'd say there's a 70/30 split between "this is utter bollocks" and "stop being transphobic". From 10-13 I'd say that shifts to a 40/60 split. And then under 10 (I volunteer in a primary school), nearly all children believe that sex can be changed. This is a Christian school. I've had to separately educate my siblings, and now they all see through the lies being told - but most kids don't.

It's cruel and it's wrong to tell people that sex can be changed. It's heartbreaking to watch so many gay kids being picked on and turning to transgenderism in order to stop the teasing. I know so many people will defend the TRA and say "this NEVER happens" - but it does. All the time. And anyone who tries to explain anything or help anyone is labelled a bigot.

I don't want a double masectomy because it's 'seductive' or some ridiculous idea like that.

However, posting about my experience only ever gets me hate and grilling because I'm not strictly on the side of everybody else here. It's incredibly patronising to read these threads about 'ooh the poor mites just want to pretend to be men for a bit because it's easier' and just sit back and stay silent.

@YetAnotherSpartacus Many therapists keep spaces in their private practice for one or two ‘reduced fee’ clients, who can pay a smaller amount than usual, or even have sessions for free. I work this way, but, like most of my colleagues, don’t mention this on my website (unfortunately people have been known to try and take advantage.) If someone’s looking for a therapist, and finds one that they think could be helpful to them or their child, it’s definitely worth asking if they would consider taking their clients’ financial circumstances into account and reducing their fee.

An illustration of "Be careful what you post when you are too pissed/too stoned/too young to know better"?

I know! I've been there!

Bumping this thread - Alex is clearly hurt that this train of thought exists and that it is anything other than a ‘fake’ website of evil terms. They’re intelligent as I’ve watched all their video but to see them react like this is disturbing. There is absolutely no allowance for the fact that lovely people might have genuine concerns for their sitauation without thinking that they’re despicable/unworthy etc. Please Alex- I think you’re handsome (a word that genderises beauty unnecessarily IMO) intelligent and charismatic. I wish no harm to you but please, as you get older, try and understand the nuances of this. You weren’t happy being a lesbian. But you were fantastic as one (a female with a sexual attraction to males).be
Lesbians still love you. stra

My own personal experience of a FtM is a very good friend's DC.

He started to struggle with his gender identity at around the age of 14 - so puberty. I did wonder at the time. His mum is a lovely woman but when she had him she developed post-natal mania (which is bloody terrifying to watch) and has had severe MH issues ever since. I can't help wondering if DC saw what happened to her mum as a result of being a woman and rejected womanhood on those terms?

Anyhow, he started hormone therapy at around 18 after presenting as what (old-fashioned) I would describe as a tomboy for several years. I know his breasts have been removed surgically, not sure about anything else as it's not my business to ask.

He is now 23, and married. His wife, who he met at uni, is a MtF transexual. They are very happy, and suit each other well. I have no idea how far the wife has gone in terms of medical/surgical transition because it's not my place to ask.

But a tiny part of me can't help wondering if these 2 people would have been equally as happy if they'd found each other and received the love and support from each other that they now have before they transitioned, and if so could they have saved themselves a lifetime of potentially damaging medical intervention?

I dunno, maybe that makes me transphobic. Mostly just confused though.

Onthelist Sorry a bit late to the thread here, but (as a parent of a transkid) I'd be interested to know where you've met these armies of transkids parents who would prefer a trans kid to a gay kid. Not my experience. At all. Medical 'treatment' for gender dysphoria means a pretty certain end to fertility, plus socially transitioning is still so tough for everyday life, tough for serious relationships. You can come to terms with it, I hope, but - 'well thank god s/he's not gay at least!' I can promise you is a reaction I've never come across.

Would also like to say thank you though to everyone who's posted on here, really thoughtful replies and interesting links.

It does happen - google ‘sneaker males’ in squid and cuttlefish. They disguise themselves as females in order to mate without the bigger males spotting them.

I think I remember this being brought up in a trans argument actually. The conversation went along the lines of men pretending to be trans to have access to womens spaces/lesbians vaginas. And how sex changes were not possible in humans.

And the trans cheerleader brought up some kind of fish and said that they 'change sex' so its possible humans could do this too or something along those lines.

A marine biologist (or so they said) mentioned that these fish only disguise themselves as the opposite sex in order to mate.

The activist person kept on using the fish as her argument.

They did not sem to realise that them bringing up whatever fish these were actually strengthened the original posters argument, that people (or fish, in this case) may pretend to be the opposite sex for dodgy reasons. Once the penny dropped, the usually vocal activist went silent and did not post again

It does happen - google ‘sneaker males’ in squid and cuttlefish. They disguise themselves as females in order to mate without the bigger males spotting them.

Nature can be really weird.

The big difference is that being gay happens in nature.
As far as I am away animal acting as the opposite sex does not.

Psychological help will not help someone the same as psychological help doesn't stop someone being gay.

Ahh but this is nothing like gay conversion therapy. If a gay person goes to therapy to try and not be gay, they are trying to learn how to not be who they are. If a trans person has therapy to come to terms with being the sex that they are, this is very different. Can you not see this? I guess the equivalent when applied to gay people (since trans cheerleaders like to bring up gay people in relation to trans) would be them having therapy to accept being gay..

Also the huge push to 'trans' kids is very homophobic tbh. Better a trans daughter than a gay son. Most GNC kids will turn out to be gay if left alone. When if they are shoved onto 'harmless' puberty blockers, near 100% will go onto cross sex hormones. This whole transkids phenomenon is the modern day version of gay eugenics tbh.

(Not all parents of transkids are homophobic obviously. But a lot are. And the ideology in itself is deeply homophobic)

One of the nicest things about these recent threads has been the number of what-I-call genuine trans people turning up for a chat, actually, and a surprising number saying quite simply, 'I'm my birth sex, I present as the opposite because it helps immensely.'

I would say most actual transsexual people probably agree with this. I know 3 transsexual people and they seem to agree. Most online transsexual people I read seem to be the same too. Its just these new fangled 'trandtrenders' who say they actually are the opposite sex (usually with no transition done at all)

Try more

I don't think I'll be able to post all the pics I have of 'trans women' who have avowedly declared their right to be considered women and use women's spaces

@Laine01
When you have a smear test do you prefer a female nurse?
When your elderly grandmother goes to hospital do you think she should have a woman wash her after she uses a bedpan?
When a woman is fleeing a violent man do you think she should have the right to stay in a women only shelter?
If you were raped would you want a female doctor and nurse to examine you?
Do you think that trans women who want to be treated as women for the purposes of delivering all these services should at least have undergone the process of legal gender change and present as a woman?

There are many places where women want and need sex segregated spaces. Previously when the numbers of trans women were very small women accepted them in their spaces as it was a very rare occurrence.
These days all you need to do to be considered a woman is say you are a woman. To challenge this is being called bigotry and hate. This is not right. This impacts on women!

I've never been a proper feminist so i am uneducated on certain things such as transgender agenda I've never heard anything about it affecting women so I've always believed people can do what they want.

I know being is 100% who you are and i guess believe being transgender is the same and i hope their rights continue and get better especially if any of my future children were to be transgender as i would want the best for them x