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Original poster

Women who don’t be believed for their reasons not to BF - a feminist issue?

284 replies

Bluedoglead · 23/01/2018 15:34

Bear with me, I’ve posted this here because I don’t think it’s a feminist issue and I want to unpick my thoughts.

I struggle with my reasons for not BF one of my children.

I was put in a position where the decision was out of my hands.

I do think the comments around “did you try could have tried different should have tried that” are almost victim blaming and they make me very very angry and feel disbelieved.

I attempted suicide due to the horrendous time I had feeding that child. There was eons of support. I did the absolute best I could.

So why am I not just believed?

Please bear with me.My thoughts in this I find distressing and I’m trying to understand and unpick how I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluedoglead · 23/01/2018 16:07

Thanks JJ.

I KNOW I’m not articulating it well but it seems part of some internalised patriarchy that even women buy into that a woman can’t just say “I couldn’t BF”without having to explain and have her reasons held up to scrutiny and just basically not be believed until the point at which she (me) ends up goaded to the point of upset whereupon Illogical emotional gets sneered out.

OP posts:
JJPP123 · 23/01/2018 16:03

Blue I've come across from the other thread because I can see what you were trying to say and I agree with you.

I think people get so carried away with the breast is best/ normalisation message (which is very important) that they stop to think about the individual women experiencing problems.

Physically would it have probably been possible for me to BF my first born. Mentally it wasn't. It isn't helpful to retrospectively state that actually I could have done if I or some one else had done x, y, z.

I'm not sure how it's a feminist issue (although I'm happy to be educated!) Other than it would be nice if women could be kinder to one another.

rememberthetime · 23/01/2018 15:59

My daughter was born with a cleft palate and could bf either. I felt very guilty like I should have found a way to get around her actual disfigurement.

Original poster
Bluedoglead · 23/01/2018 15:42

I’m on another thread and I said that BF isn’t best for every baby and was disbelieved.

I als had it said that “most”women should have tried differently harder etc etc

And that upset me. And I want to figure out why It’s so differently viewed to the we believe you.

If I say I was sexually assaulted no one here would say what were you wearing did you have a short skirt most women who are assaulted wear short skirts and low tops (I know that’s not true)

But yet if you say you didn’t bf it’s “some people don’t try hard enough could have tried differently” etc

It’s the same attitude. Or I think it is. And I want to figure out why that is. Why aren’t women just believed?

OP posts:
ladyballs · 23/01/2018 15:40
Flowers

I don't have personal experience. But my sister came under a lot if pressure to breastfeed her second. She'd had severe mastitis with her first and quite rightly made a decision based on her experience and her health.

I think breastfeeding comes under the banner of things silly women can't be trusted to make decisions about - including their pregnancy, their health and pretty much everything else.

I'm sorry you've been through such a terrible time. X

Hammerofthetwat · 23/01/2018 15:40

Sorry to hear you had this sweetheart. Silly people should grow some empathy.

Tissunnyupnorth · 23/01/2018 15:40

Why do/did you feel that you had to give reasons about not breastfeeding?

Hammerofthetwat · 23/01/2018 15:39

I hate women that shame women over their life choices. It’s bullying. I’m childfree, anyone cusses my choice, I go at them. It’s personal. Not political.

Original poster
Bluedoglead · 23/01/2018 15:38

*do think

Bloody phone.

I think it’s a feminist issue.

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