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Original poster

Miniscule acts of vindictiveness - a sign of female inventiveness, or powerlessness?

62 replies

LaContessaDiPlump · 30/12/2017 07:25

Inspired by the amazing miniscule acts of vindictiveness thread Grin

clicky link

I couldn't help but notice that most of the posters were female, and there were very few 'A male I know did such-and-such' posts. So are minor acts of vindictiveness peculiarly female, or are they the kind of thing people do when they feel powerless to do much else? If the latter, are they more likely to be committed by women than men? Or is it all just harmless fun that I'm over-thinking? Seems a bit odd if it's the kind of harmless fun only women indulge in, to my mind; also, I think that the sort of behaviour detailed in the linked thread could go very very sour if continued when real bad feeling exists - just look at the Twits!

This is a sort of light-hearted thread (can we have those in Feminism?), but interested to hear thoughts.

OP posts:
QuentinSummers · 30/12/2017 09:23

I think there is definitely an element of power imbalance in the behaviour. I would never do any of that to DH, I would just tell him he was annoying or whatever. I do however have a range of miniscule acts (not really vindictive ones though, more things that will just slightly irk them) that I deploy against people who annoy me at work Grin.

MentholBreeze · 30/12/2017 08:34

And yes, some of it is over the line I'd say (loft insulation on the inside of underpants!)

MentholBreeze · 30/12/2017 08:33

I think some of the stuff on the thread falls under 'practical joke' - stuff like the banging on the toilet window, switching lights off/flushing toilet while in the loo, swapping sugar/salt - all that stuff that you'd giggle about and admit (and is only really a problem if over-done so it turns to bullying)

Some of the stuff is definitely getting back because any other way of getting satisfaction will just prolong the argument, or giving up on asking because it doesn't work (I've done that one - the big box of things DP is too important to clean up - where everything he left lying around for more than 3 days got put - including, and this is what brought it to a head - his new driving license which he had left on the coffee table in the living room, half out of its envelope, for nearly a week).

I remember watching my MIL iron FIL's shirts once - MIL gave up her career to look after their 3 kids (they hadn't really wanted kids, then somehow she ended up with a full brood, all born with less than a year between each!), and MIL still irons FIL's shirts, even though he's retired and she isn't. Some of it was definitely for speed, but there was a level of slapdash she didn't display on her own blouses - a certain ironing in of creases that proved the shirt had been ironed, but 'oops' I seem to have also ironed a massive crease down the side of the back too...... I always assumed that was her little way of getting satisfaction from being forced to do that job.

SummatFishyEre · 30/12/2017 08:28

I actually don't think that thread is funny and most of the posts describe behaviour the posters should be ashamed of or at least not crowing about. If their DH's were doing these stupid little acts every time they got pissed off it wouldn't be light hearted would It? One poster describes how she used a laxative suppository on her DH while he was sleeping when he pissed her off (I think I got the gist of that right I was sleep deprived when I read It!). I'm not sure I see how that is ok

Pannacott · 30/12/2017 08:27

Yeah I was a bit troubled by that thread too. I wanted to post a link to a really good self help assertiveness course that I keep posting everywhere Grin

I felt a bit sad that they were actually doing quite nasty things because they didn't feel able to challenge problematic behaviour and stand up for themselves Sad

Original poster
LaContessaDiPlump · 30/12/2017 08:24

Oh you are a dear, Billy. Thanks ever so!

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 30/12/2017 08:21

Sending you so much loveGrin

Mupflup · 30/12/2017 08:19

Interesting point. My guess is it's mainly women that do this kind of thing...in my experience when I have done something like this it's because I want to feel like I've had my own back over something, but haven't wanted to say something openly for fear of causing a row or unpleasantness. I think men are generally much better at just saying what they want to and if that causes a row then so be it. My ex was a bit of a bully and standing up to him over something often wasn't worth it, so I"d say nothing but then 'forget' to take his shirts to the dry cleaners or whatever. Interestingly I don't really do it now I'm with DH as we rarely fall out and if we do I'm not afraid to say my piece.

Original poster
LaContessaDiPlump · 30/12/2017 08:12

Thanks for that info Billy; I'll just go tell all the acknowledged male posters (e.g. Andrewofg, Breadandwine, Tiggy etc) that they should piss off then Confused

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 30/12/2017 08:01

Neither, just a of fun, we're all female coz this is MUMSnet, clues in the name. Happy New Year!

ThunderboltsLightning · 30/12/2017 07:58

Nick Grimshaw a few weeks ago was getting people to ring in about petty things they had done to get revenge on their exes. A few of them were men. One of the examples was a man sewing a security tag into the hem of his ex gf's coat so that she would set the shop alarms off whenever she went shopping.

DoculamentDoculament · 30/12/2017 07:51

I think if a man was doing many of the things on that thread it wouldn't be thought of as funny or lighthearted at all.