Girly Christmas presents

That does not necessarily make it easier.

I suppose not, although it seems to me like there are tons of things that I want if only they ask!

But she finds me difficult to buy for, despite the fact that I have loads of hobbies and interests

That does not necessarily make it easier. My brother is very keen on horses and riding but I would not get him anything related to that as I'm not and know nothing about horses. I don't know what he already has and what he might need.

My husband and I have been getting a bottle of brandy from someone for over 20 years. We assume it is because we are both solicitors and the person thinks that is what solicitors drink. Husband doesn't drink spirits at all and I very occasionally drink whisky or gin. I use it for cooking or pass it on.

My poor grandad got socks and hankerchiefs every year. I'd hardly call them interesting, 'active' our 'outwards'.
Anyway - amazon wishlist is useful.
My in-laws get me better presents than my parents, because they ask what I want or look at my wishlist, whereas my mum buys me boring stuff that she likes, and sadly she likes bath bombs, soaps and stuff.
My sister-in-law does too - very easy to buy for as she likes literally anything bath related.
But she finds me difficult to buy for, despite the fact that I have loads of hobbies and interests.

A ‘good’ torch? One that turns on?

If someone gave me a torch for a present I’d be a bit bemused tbh. But agree it’s wierd to gift the rest of your family torches and not you if all you share an interest where torches are useful.

Dunno. I mean, I got some bubble bath and candles from someone. It's fine, they'll get used, but they're nothing particularly me-focused - likely the kids will use them. TBH I'd prefer they saved the postage and not waste the money.

I think it's different if the thought persistently goes into one partner and not the other though - that's a bit dismissive (no matter the sex of the partner)

I would not want to be given a torch for a present - to me it sounds like the most boring gift imaginable!

If it makes you feel any better, it is a two-way street.
I've been getting socks gloves aftershave and the occasional tie for all of my adult life.

My male partner got quite a lot of “smellies” this year. I got a cheque. I’m going to tell him his gifts were girly

Yeah exactly - if they don’t know her well by now they’re never going to!!

@Batteriesallgone People who don’t know you well...

It's been twenty years!

People who don’t know you well want to buy you something consumable / that will be used up or worn out. Gender norms dictate that that is smellies for women and alcohol or socks for men.

I suspect if you drop hints about wine, or liking a certain brand of socks, you might have success changing their ways.

But dropping hints about hobbies hoping for stuff relevant to the hobby sounds like harder work for them with more potential to go wrong, so unlikely to impact.

Lass is correct that the description of things as "girly" vs "interesting" is sexist, and is a real problem with deep internalised misogyny which I recognise from myself, my parents brought me up to consider anything that is gendered male as good and anything "girly" as "crap". I have to work really hard with my own kids not to sneer at pink plastic. I find it quite difficult. It's doable though.

I find it really depressing that you get all this stuff that you don't like every year. Loads of people do this - default to gendered norms all the time even when confronted with constant reminders that a. most people don't adhere to gender norms all the time with everything and b. the particular person they are buying for really doesn't like that stuff.

My DH family always ask for a list, can you just tell them some ideas or would that go down badly. Or, would they just ignore them and get you bath bombs

I have always received generic toiletries and candles from extended family. Over the last few years I have dropped lots of subtle hints about how much I like receiving a bottle of wine for a present (yes, it’s a bit uninteresting but at least I know it will be put to good use and not stay at the back of a cupboard for years!). It appears to have worked this year because I am currently staring at a pile of six gifted bottles of alcoholic beverages.

I was also recently successful in persuading the organisers of a prizegiving event in which I am involved to stop giving the women flowers and the men bottles of champagne. This year everybody got booze.

I’m not really an alcoholic...

I hate this. My colleague who I've worked with for a decade and who knows me so well got me a secret Santa present last year of (revolting) smellies. I was more disappointed that he was so lazy to just get a woman stuff that smells, knowing me well and knowing there's about a million other things I'd rather have

I do feel that some gifts for women are 'inward' and 'passive' (to do with the body) while gifts for men are 'active' and 'outward' (or to do with the mind).

I accept that adorning and/or pampering oneself and/or decorating one's home are 'interests'.

Perhaps most of us of whatever gender have a mixture of passive/body and active/mind characteristice.

On occasion I enjoy a luxurious bath. Perfume is useful for those days when I am in a rush to get to work and belatedly realise my shirt could have gone in the wash, but it is too late to find something else. Once in a blue moon I wear ear-rings. (Usually on a day when I've forgotten to wash my hair and tie my hair back so its unwashedness is less noticeable. The earrings make me look a bit less severe.) Re ornamental/household stuff, the only things I might really like would be high end cookware or the kind of painting/prints that would involve somebody having very detailed knowledge of my tastes and a large budget.

But active and/or intellectual stuff is more likely to go down well. Books or gadgets to do with walking are much more likely to be appreciated.

I think now and then there is a sense that gift-givers are trying to say 'Well you might not seem very girly to me, but you are a girl and I want you to embrace your inner girliness so here is delightful gift selection of scented cosmetics.'

Which can be a bit frustrating - despite the possibility of regifting the item to someone who might appreciate it.

Just regift them or donate them to your local refuge or food bank. Someone out there will be thrilled to bits with them

I feel your pain though. I am apparently 'difficult to buy for' even though I give loads of suggestions when I'm asked what I'd like.
I just decided a couple of years ago to stop fretting if I don't like a present and regift or donate it as soon as possible while it's still nice and new looking. You get the warm glow of giving and avoid the feeling of resentment every time you catch sight of it gathering dust on top of the wardrobe.

Two decades and they are still getting you generic presents?!

Sounds like a lost cause tbh

I don't dismiss anything I think of as girly as having no merit. It's the other people who seem to think a load of dull stuff is of interest to women in general. I only know what "girly" gifts are as they are the stuff you get given as a generic women's gift when people don't know you.

How long have you been together?

How close are you / he to his family?

It’s a difficult one, PIL have stopped buying me presents as they say they find me hard to buy for. We are very close and they are right, for some reason they never seem to pick something I’d like so we’ve just sorted it so there’s no presents and no awkwardness. Generally they offer babysitting instead which is an amazing present!

Took a couple of years of awkwardness before coming to this arrangement though.

Sadly the generic "girly" gifts (often smellies) are really dull. Interesting stuff isn't just for men, but it sometimes feels like it

No, they are not "really dull" - you merely don't like them because you find them dull.

One of my son's present from me was a large bottle of his favourite (and extremely expensive which he can't afford to buy) eau de cologne.

Dismissing anything you think of as "girly" as having no merit is sexist.

Any gift is only interesting if it is interesting to the recipient.

The OP however described the gifts as "girly" for her and the non-girly ones her hysband got as "interesting". The antonym of interesting is boring or uninteresting- not girly- no matter how much the OP dislikes her present.

My elderly father in law got a stocking of generic 'boy' gifts at his care home this morning. There were dark face flannels, dark socks, some shower gel, some Lynx aftershave type stuff, and also a Cadbury's gift set.

It was a lovely thought of the care home staff. My father in law who has dementia enjoyed taking the wrapping paper off the gifts. We had to explain to him what the face flannels were, as he'd forgotten them. They are actually all quite useful in that when you have very little and don't go shopping, the people who do his personal care will have the relevant toiletries to hand.