Things men have called me and why.

Lots of good points on this thread. I think it boils down to (for me) an extreme annoyance at the way lots of men seem to think the whole world of womanhood is a beauty parade for them to judge.

Urgh just leave us alone.

If I walked up to a man and said 'I think you look AMAZING today' I think he'd think I was extremely odd. Because men don't have to put up with women constantly expressing opinions about their appearance or behaviour.*

Actually this is a good point and has made me think

Asmen, that cartoon is horrible. Not horrible as in "rings true", just horrible.

I'm not sure what your angle is?

Anyway, on the topic of things that men have called me, last week a cyclist shouted to me that I was a fucking cunt. That was nice.

No cookies for you, random. You explained why men aren't all like that, then went on to illustrate the thought process behind why so many men are like that. Because you think, and they think, that your opinion of random women in the street and how attractive they are matters to them.

It doesn't.

@zzzzz

Yes it fucking is!

Didn't say it was an act of dominance or wanting to sleep with the woman did I? Weird that you came to that conclusion.

I said it is unwanted, uninvited attention from people you don't know. Which it is.That in the case of randomhusbands example, he seemed to want to be applauded for/appreciated by us.

Big difference between complimenting a friend or colleague who you have a social relationship with. I compliment female and male people if I know them well enough.

Going up to a stranger and telling them they look amazing is very different. Are you really approaching men and women you don't know to give them your opinion of how they look?

Posted too soon...
I just like their choice of shirt. It makes no difference to me whether they wore that shirt or the other one but I happened to notice it, I like it so I thought I'd say something nice.

Oh and I compliment men too and guess what, they like to be told nice things too and I promise you ai'm nkt trying to sleep with them or assert my authority (which I do have in some situations).

Bit Doculament: women compliment each other all the time. It generally isn't done as a "you've earned my approval, good girl" way. In most situations I'd suggest it isn't meant that way by guys either.

Although as I said above, casually telling someone stood next to you that like their top is very different to specifically going over to someone to gush that you think they look amazing (which is what Randomhusband is suggesting he did).

Being nice is simply being nice. OK, Randomhusband may have crossed the line (even if he genuingely didn't mean to) but please don't be so biased as to think that a guy saying he likes your new hair cut is him being dominating or trying to sleep with you.

Like other posters I have been told I am ugly by strangers lots of times. The last time was on a beach with DD and a photographer asked to take our photo (which they then sell to you obviously). I said no, thanks. He came up close and whispered "Just as well as you're too ugly for a photo". It was just so shocking that still, in my forties, men think that they can comment on my appearance and want to shock me.

Randomhusband just doesn't 'get it'. He thinks as long as it's a compliment it's okay, he's not 'one of those guys' and I think he thought we'd all thank him for that.

He doesn't understand it's still unwanted. We don't care about his opinion, it is intrusive to disturb someones day and force your opinion on them about their appearence and I think he thought the woman would enjoy his attention and his approval.

I doubt she did. He didn't call her a slag but it was still unwanted attention and the expectation that the woman would enjoy it or be grateful makes it a bit more offensive in my opinion. At least the ones who call you a slag don't expect you to appreciate it.

But then i'm sure this will lead to a lot of male readers going straight to hyperbole and 'God, so we can't say ANYTHING'.

If I walked up to a man and said 'I think you look AMAZING today' I think he'd think I was extremely odd. Because men don't have to put up with women constantly expressing opinions about their appearance or behaviour.

Randomhusband: I think there is a difference between a stranger saying "I like your top" and a stranger gushing "you look amazing!". I regularly see a woman by me who has a look which I really envy. Would I say that to her? No. I don't know her and it would be awkward and even creepy.

A man coming over to specifically tell me I look amazing in soft play (please tell me you didn't tell her you'd seen her before) would make me uncomfortable and probably a bit irritated because it would come accross as being hit on. If he toned it down and said "cool top" when I was stood next to him in the coffee queue and walked off, that is completely different.

Last week I went out for the first time in a long time. I had a bloke get right in my face with "alright darling" and then tell me "fuck off you ugly cow" when I moved away. I had someone tell me he'd be taking me home whether I wanted it or not. Someone else expected me to be flattered when he grabbed me, comments about nice tits blah blah blah. Bar men winking at me and making suggestive comments (I did complain publicly on their FB page), being told he wouldn't touch me with a barge pole anyway after I'd moved away from someone trying to dance with me...

I'm old, it mostly washes over me now (but still hurts sometimes) but watching younger women having to put up with leery old men touching them makes me sad.

Day to day over the last month: being called a bitch for refusing to let someone push in, asked whether I was on the blob (lovely phrase) because I was standing up for myself. Told I should be grateful for the attention.

Someone up thread said about learning to ignore car horns and people shouting from cars/down the street. This. Also, not making eye contact with groups of men and having your guard up autonatically when a guy on a night out is genuingely just being nice.

In year 7 I got called a frigid whore by the boy who sat next to me in maths. He slipped his hand in between my thighs and I pushed him off me.

I have 3 children with one man and 1 child with another so naturally 'whore' is a common one for me. I was called a whore only yesterday by the father of 3 of my children after an argument about Christmas.

Normally it's men I've rejected that call me a whore, slut, slag etc.

When I was making out with boyfriend in a club, aged 20. Old drunk man in corner nudged him and shouted “GRAB HER CUNT”

"She'd be fuckable if she had tits" - two random guys at a bus stop.

"I'd fuck that til it bled" - in a nightclub outside area.

"Frigid whore", "bitch", "ugly cunt", "slut" etc etc. Usually when I've rejected advances.

Men build up their own self esteem by smashing down women's, it's what being a man is all about.

It's a very very old male tradition.

It's der Kulture!

"Hey boy, don't you throw like a girl. you don't want to be classed as one of those do you?"

*Bubba"

What's worse is most of them have been from partners, not random men I've somehow "upset".

It does bother me that they don't do it to men though, but I guess I have such low self-esteem that compliments actually make me feel better, even if the reasoning behind giving them is pretty sexist....

I guess the reason I wouldn't have minded a man complimenting me is because on the few instances where this has happened to me, they have genuinely not expected anything in return. I was stopped before crossing the road by a man who told me I had beautiful eyes. I smiled, he smiled, we went on our way.

I do understand that most women won't feel that way though, because in their experience the men have expected something out of it.

Please don't think I'm trying to put down those women who dislike it, I'm not.

In my younger days I got into quite a bit of trouble, because I didn't follow the rules of intimidation and aggression.

I gave as good I got. Which didn't have great results sometimes, got punched in the month for apparently embarrassing a bloke at a party.

He'd being giving me shit so I had given it back, I went outside for a smoke he came round the corner and punched me, and told me not to do it again. He split my lip. The weird things is the first that came out of my mouth whilst looking him in the eye was "Oh you biiitch" I left not long after So I could cry and felt like it was my fault and dare not tell anyone incase the thought I had it coming.

I dropped all contact with anyone from the party. Not a big thing really as I didn't socialise that much with them anyway.

Another time when I was younger still, it was an on going fued with a guy. He'd call me slag/bitch or whatever, I'd retort with dickhead/wanka, each time we past or saw each other he'd get more aggressive, until at a bus station he started threatening me and warning me what could happen......

So I calmly told him he should be careful, and not walk down a dark ally on his own as I knew people who may cause a little harm to him if he continued(I did and he knew it) He freaked right out, and couldn't stop himself from realising a barrage of names. If we hadn't been in a busy bus station I think he'd have battered me.

He did keep his distance and his month shut after that but a month or so later his sister collared me, to tell me what a fucking phyco bitch I was for threatening her brother like that.

Some men are so shallow. I've lost a lot of weight this year and suddenly getting attention from men (was invisible before) even when out with my dh. It's not comments but more like a kind of fawning. Fuck off! If it wasn't for my health, i'd actually consider putting some of the weight back on again just so I could relax again! Isn't that ridiculous?

Also had a pint poured over my head, and been called names more times than I remember, in those circs, often in quite a threatening way.

The "nice" men need to remember that most women have come across enough not nice men to mean that even genuine compliments with no expectation are treated with extreme caution.

Actually I don't really believe that heterosexual men who you aren't related to / don't know really do go around giving complements with no expectation. Maybe some men tell themselves they do. But actually they are at least looking for a smile or some thanks. And yes they are intruding.