Things men have called me and why.

Please find where I said you’re a man 🙄

And honestly I’m going to stop engaging with you now, this thread is about women discussing harassment from men.

Harassment from men. Because that’s who is doing it. Men. Men are the people street harassing the above posters, men are the ones punching the posters above, sexually assaulting the posters above. Male violence towards women is a problem. If you know men that don’t do it. - GREAT! So the fuck do we! And men have the power to STOP it happening by calling out their friends who do it, since when we as women do it, we get punched in the face, called more names and worse.

And you keep carping on about how you’d do the same for muslims. Well done you - however it is NOT the same. Racial stereotypes come NOT based on lived experience but from the class in power perpetuating myths in order to keep the minority groups disenfranchised. If we say “the terror attacks in London in the summer were committed by (people who claim to be) Muslims” we are not saying ALL muslims. But the person who did it was a muslim. The idea that all muslims are terrorists comes from the idea perpetrated by the classes with power that all muslims are terrorists in order to justify scapegoating, war etc

Saying “I have been assaulted by men” is a statement of fact. In the same way many minority groups are both weary and wary of the majority groups because of the likelihood of micro and macro aggressions - women who have been repeatedly assaulted and harrassed by men may well be fucking exhausted with dealing with men.

Tell me honestly that after a day of street harassment and cat calling in New York, a day of things being yelled at and being treated like meat in a market, I was wrong to therefore be wary when a man approached me and called out to me, to give me something I had dropped. He didn’t want to harass me, but after say 9 negative interactions with men... was I wrong to expect the 10th to be negative too? Am I wrong to want to protect myself against aggressions that come - NOT from stereotypes, racism, being in a position of societal power - but from constant abuse and harrassment? Are women wrong to NOT want that, to be sick of it, to want to protect themselves from it? Are gay people wrong to want their own nightclub spaces away from straight people who attack them - because even the smallest chance (and the issue is that it is NOT the smallest chance but a very BIG chance, enough for almost every woman to have a story) is too fucking high a chance.

I have a large chest, you can imagine the comments which started when I was aged 12. Or even if I was wearing a tatty, covering anorak. Then I was a cocksucker.

I am now middle aged. Getting used to and relishing invisibility. Walked past a group of early 20 men. Who said, I would smash that but with a bag over the head obviously.

Recently lost weight. Still wearing nondescript clothing but there is less of me. The attention has stepped up. Depressing.

Some men, not all men, are just fucking morons who hate women but crave them at the same time.

'Bad girl' at 17 from my mid-50s driving instructor when he used to take me out on evening lessons in the countryside. He would have me park up, put on the interior light and squeeze my thigh when I got a Highway Code question wrong.

The weirdest thing was that I didn't feel in any danger - he was an older man and I was naive enough then that it didn't occur to me that he was being other than fatherly.

Thirty years later, I absolutely know what he was up to.

Once again zzzz, which do you care about more

Naming male violence, sexual harassment as a problem which women would like to stop and allowing women to speak about this.

Or

Women discussing male violence and taking the time to specify “it’s not all men” in order to make men and people who cape for men feel comfortable. As if we don’t fucking already know it’s not every single man. But it’s TOO MANY and we are exhausted. And sick of being told to shut up about it.

God forbid you ever end up in a similar situation and when you try and talk about it, some cape comes along to tell you you need to make the conversation palatable to men because you expressing your ordeal may make some men uncomfortable.

I am not physically disabled but if a physically disabled person was talking about shitty experiences, I wouldn’t demand they insist “it’s not all able bodied people that do this though” with every breath. I’d think “this is really bad - what can i do to make the world that bit less exhausting for them, can i look at ways in which i, and the people i have the power to influence, am making their life harder and work to change that?”

Even when women are down to their bones, men are still asking for us to cater to their feelings. Fuck. Off. I’ll say “some men” when ALL men are making sure they and their mates are not harassing women.

I do wonder if abuse is, perhaps subconsciously, about policing public spaces. As if at some level many men don't really think women should be walking around, alone and free. As a teenager I stopped going out at night without a man as the level of harassment was unbearable. Even in the day I was constantly approached about my appearance or cat called.

Anyhow, this thread has made me think about a Christmas Eve about 13 years ago. We'd been to Midnight mass with my housemates mum who was visiting from America. She was a courteous, lovely lady, obviously very excited to be abroad. We went to a pub and she wished a group of men at a table a 'Good evening and merry Christmas' as she went past. As she walked on they just started up for her to hear, 'look at the size of that' 'look at the arse on it' etc etc.

My heart broke for her. I still remember the way her back flinched.

You’re more interested in derailing this conversation of women describing vile verbal and sometimes physical and sexual abuse by men... to tell women there are some good ones.

Tell me zzzzz, what is the bigger problem? Because no matter how mch i hate this shit andi’m tired, i’m STILL not harassing men or abusing them and the statistics say women in general arent either.

Once again the feelings of men matter more than the safety of women.

Since males are indeed half the population and in charge of nearly every public and private venture they could have stopped the small percentage of predators who are purportedly responsible for over 90% of crime. Instead they claim that there is nothing to be done about it because it is men's nature to prey on the weak.

This thread is incredibly disheartening!

As for my own:
Butterface. I was a cute-as-a-button teen; I just had some acne!

Whore. On multiple occasions throughout my life. Ironically always said to men by men angry that I would not fuck them.

But the one that hurt the most was professor - followed by a long diatribe about how no man would ever want me because I was one of these girls who'd go on to obtain multiple degrees and that this somehow made me inherently unattractive. Met him at an industry conference a few years back - first, he asked for a job and the for a date. This may have been petty, but I said no to both out of pure spite.

When you argue that it would be bad and wrong to say all Muslims or Blacks you are denying the point that it is men. Men in all cultures do this. There is no culture where men do not abuse women because that is the dominance/submission paradigm of every culture on the planet. AFAIK.

The boys putting on male dominance displays by publicly judging me ugly and stupid started when I was six, and while the pejoratives have changed over the years, I think I was about seventeen when I realized they may as well just be screaming submit, or die the way they do now.

zzz
Thing is, I can see where you are coming from.
I know NAMALT.
How many men are like that? How many men rape women, abuse them in the street, objectify women?
From threads like this it sounds like a lot, and god knows I've experienced all this kind of stuff myself, but I would really like to know the percentage ( i know we can't- I'd still like to know).
Because surely it is the same men committing multiple rapes and the same men calling out abuse on a regular basis.
I've known so many decent men. I like to think most men are decent and treat women with respect.
I'd like to think maybe it's only 10% of men that are misogynistic wankers.
Or maybe I am just really deluded.

fauchelevent, that's awful

I care that it isn’t all men. I will always care.

So start your own thread then?

So I really do not care if it’s not all men. It’s enough for women to be TIRED.

Yes this. What men don't get is, it is all women. Often on multiple occasions

OMG, I'm a choirboy compared to some of these guys. Would never think of abusing someone like that.

The worst were:

The guy sexually assaulting me topped it off my telling me “I’m not like most n*ggers” and when I, at a later date, requested that he stopped harassing me called me a “typical negress”.

Street catcallers turn nasty if they don’t get their way. I was followed for about five minutes by a man in Morocco berating me and my friend for not responding to his requests to tell us where we were staying and spend the night with him. Men in Paris that my friend and I gave the cold shoulder to called me an ugly bitch. I was called a wog because my friend was not interested in a man in London. Losing interest in men on OLD means you get a slew of insults. Many men who i’ve dated have told me they’d like to rape me.

Recently a man felt so entitled to my time that he closed the book I was reading as i waited for the train, tell me he liked various things about my look and persisted even after I told him I’m not single.

So I really do not care if it’s not all men. It’s enough for women to be TIRED. I went to NYC and was so relentlessly catcalled that I went back to my room early because I was really upset and tired that every street corner or stop light a man would yell something at me, ask for my number, beg me to go on a date with him or bother me in some way. I don’t fucking care that it’s not ALL men. It’s too many. It’s the friends of the men I know. It could even be the men I consider friends. And it’s bullshit.

I really don't think the way you are characterising this is helpful, asmen. There's a kernel of truth in what you're saying, but the emotive, colorful language is way over the top for my taste.

And there aren't many actual armies pillaging through South East London right now, so I haven't really thought about what my response would be.

Slut - countless times by my ex.

Also slut for saying no to a man easily older than my dad in a pub when I was 18.

Up tight bitch - for not sleeping with a guy I just met.