Things men have called me and why.

men are entitled
Yep, that is exactly why they are posting on this thread. Good spot bubba

A woman has never called me fucking frigid or a whore. A woman has never told me to smile, or cheer up it might never happen.
I have been called a bitch by a woman but the difference was it was not sexually motivated, whereas most of the harassment from men is.

One of my exes called me a bitch.

That list of names at the top is what other women have called me OP.

Cunt is a favourite word on here to describe another woman.

As though “vile men” are corralled in one part of the country only! What a daft idea

Haha you can’t be so new to forums to think that other people won’t answer posts whether you intend them only to be responded to by the OP or not.

And I’m afraid that questions like that are very close to ideas about there being places where women should expect to be harassed (with the extension of that being that they should not complain about it if they object to the harassment)

Ok. It's not dangerously close at all. It's not even a tiny bit close. It meant nothing like that. It wasn't directed at you, I was asking the OP.

Yes it might be true that NAMALT and all that shit, but when you're a woman just going around your daily business, how the hell are you supposed to instantly tell the rotten apples from the good ones? Your rational response is to think 'Uh-oh, apples - I'd better be careful with those.'

It’s the desperate “I’m not like that, reassure me” that is tedious. It’s making it all about them.

Spot on, hersymphony.

Men: if you don't do this, it is not about you. Your input is not needed.

If you do do this, then you need to listen, reflect, and then not do it in the future. Your input still isn't needed.

I also find it tedious when someone asks “Where and when did this happen” or “where do men like this live” as if implying it’s all in our heads. I find it equally tiring when a male poster comes on to say NAMALT or “women do it too.” because this is another instance of shutting women down when we discuss harassment and abuse experienced by the hands of men/ boys. We do get that it’s NAMALT but that is beside the point and one is too many anyway!

I don’t know why me saying that the “Where do you live?” questions are depressing is equated to me telling people not to post. I’m just telling you my response to that type of post, which is to say that I feel it is dangerously close to saying “what did you do to provoke the men?”

Post what you like, and I will post my response

These men live everywhere that women go. Women aren’t doing anything wrong by encountering them, that is the implication by the questions, whether intended or not

“To be fair HerSymphony, men are entitled to come and say what they feel.”

They aren’t posting what they feel are they? If they left it at “that is awful, I’m sorry you have experience that” then fine. It’s the desperate “I’m not like that, reassure me” that is tedious. It’s making it all about them.

Slut, slag, whore, dirty bitch, dirty whore, stuck up bitch, cock sucker, - some of these just shouted randomly in street. Comments like I'd fuck it. Nice arse, suck me off. Once someone I vaguely knew was with a big group of people and shouted my name when I turned round he asked if I would suck his cock for a fiver! I just said nothing even though I wanted to as I was alone. Once I walked round the corner into 3 men one shouted fucking hell really loudly they where right in front of me blocking my path then he said your fucking gorgeous do you believe in love at first site. I'm sure he thought it was a compliment but It was so loud people where looking and they had blocked my way so was intimidating. Also weird comments at work from a man calling me princess and I heard him telling his friend he was going to take me out in his car! I would never get in his car! Once a much older man staring at me calling me darling ECT then he came back in and gave me a piece of paper saying I don't need this but you might it was his phone number! I was speaking to another customer so just held it in my hand. It's so uncomftable and I've never heard women shouting in the street oh nice cock, I'd fuck it or anything else like that.

All of the above. And more recently, a "fucking TERF" when I question men who are trying to recategorise womanhood as a feeling in your head and something that includes any man on his say so. As I've been around for a while I recognise that it's part of the same misogyny-men do not get called TERFs.

Where do these men live?

In every country I've visited for the past thirty years. In every conceivable type of public place.

Does that help? Do you think this is something that you've managed to avoid through the choices you've made? It sounds a bit like that, to be honest.

I don't really feel there's anything lacking if this debate is women only, either. Particularly if men only come in to NAMALT.

I'm happily married too but I think that just as it is infuriating to have white people in the western world define what is an isn't racist against people of colour, who are the ethnic minority, it is tedious to have men derail a thread about women's experiences of male verbal harassment by making it all about how they are "one of the good ones". It isn't relevant or illuminating.

Ellie, I think men are entitled to post, if they wish. And it's not just a women's forum. Despite bad experiences, we're not all man-haters, some of us are happily married.

My question isn't depressing to me her symphonyandsong. It's a genuine question because I'm wondering where such vile men live. I'm allowed to ask it even though you don't like it. Also, it's ok for men to have an opinion on here too.

This thread is so accurate but so sad to read. For all of the women who have had such awful things said to them, especially those for whom it has stuck with them and still upsets them to this day

In my teenage and early 20s I would react to this phenomena of "fucking bitch I didn't fancy you anyway" from random men I had turned down in the street by laying into then verbally in equally charming language of my own. I would never back down so it would sometimes result in me and some piece of shit man screaming obscenities back and forth at each other in the street. I refused to let fuckers like that have the last word so I would keep going until they gave up. It was always satisfying to see them taken aback that I fought back but it was exhausting and, in hindsight, quite dangerous.

When I met my DH he explained to me that men who do this are so pathetic that they want attention from women no matter how fleeting or negative so one way to really upset them is to pretend they don't exist, no matter what they say, act as if they are invisible. I was very sceptical at first but began to try this approach and found that it worked. From the corner of my eye I would see sad little deflated faces as I blanked men trying to hassle me in the street. It won't work in all situations and I still miss telling them what I really think but I enjoy not expending any energy on these disgusting misogynists and it is great making them feel like the pathetic losers they are.

To be fair HerSymphony, men are entitled to come and say what they feel.

The men on this thread posting "I'm not like that" should stop it and for once in their lives just listen to women's voices and accept that their opinion on this matter is not relevant. I think men are so used to being told that their opinion is of infinite value and above women's that even in a topic for women (on a women's forum) about a subject where woman are the far more informed authority, they feel the need to join in, not with support but essentially with comments to throw doubt on the scores of testimony on here.

Honestly, unless you are a man joining to talk about the time another man randomly verbally abused you unprovoked in the street, for once in your male privileged life SHUT THE FUCK UP!

“Where do you live?”
“Where do you find these me ?”

These are depressing questions on this thread - indicating that it is the fault of women that they encounter abusive men whilst going about their business

No words for the men who feel it necessary to post that they wouldn’t behave like this

Which goes back to what Resting was saying. Is it certain areas/ time of day, etc? Mind boggling.

Bloody hell. Where do you live where things like that happen in pubs and in the street? I've never been called any of those things.

@Bubbaleo I can't remember ever randomly accosting a guy verbally to discuss his penis or the colour of his pubes, no. 😬

Purple feathers! how bloody rude though and a stranger! Can you imagine a woman just randomly asking this? No.