How to know if a male feminist is really a feminist

@CaretakerToNuns

😴😴😴

I now have a vision of a man waving his penis and declaring "by the power of penis"

op I wouldn't get too hung up on the label, more how he treats you.
And may be buy him Robert Webb's book for Christmas.

My last two boyfriends were feminist. the most recent, we were just too similar, zero chemistry. The one before him, he was a feminist in some ways in that he would never have had a problem with a woman boss, he enjoyed the company of women and he never needed to know how much casual sex a gf had had so he could make a judgement on it iyswim, but i realised he was far from perfect! he had a blind spot so huge you could park a lorry in it. He thought he was a great man among lesser men. It does just take a while to get to know somebody.................. listen to what they do.

My DH is an ally. He calls himself my 'deputy feminist'.
On the question of how do you know - you will never know what's going on in someone else's head, but you will know how their behaviour makes you feel.

what is mansplaining

It's a term used to describe a man trying to explain/teach a woman something she is already an expert in, usually to the point of knowing more than the man. Many most women have been on the receiving end of this. While someone will be along soon to argue that women do it too 🙄 Yes, some women may, but it is no where near as common and I'd take bets on them never doing it to a man.

I run my own, small but quite successful company. I'm constantly told how I should be running it, how I should advertise for customers, even though I don't want any more, etc, by men, including one long term male friend who hasn't worked for 20yrs, but apparently has a naturally ingrained knowledge of my business. I think if they could get their dicks out and use it to point out all the things I'm doing wrong and what I should do better, they would. I now have a vision of a man waving his penis and declaring "by the power of penis"

A bit like TIMs explaining to women what it takes to be a woman.

What is mansplaining?

No male can be a feminist.

They're all as bad as each other, every single fucking one of them.

Oh and feminist men are choosing a type of feminism. Almost exclusively pro-sex work, pro-gender self ID, pro-choice (I don't mean abortion) feminism. Which coincidentally suits men absolutely fabulously. Then the loudest voice in feminism becomes that voice and drowns out women.

Well some people think they can be.

I don't. For a few reasons. They don't have lived experience so their job is to support women in the struggle, not include themselves. Feminists are fighting for their own, and other women's, liberation from the patriarchy, which involves a loss of power for men. It is a rare, and I would argue mythical, man who is offering to give away his money, power, status and voice.

See Louis CK and Joss Weedon for real life examples.

I don't understand why you think men can't be feminists. Can someone explain?

Sorry to ask questions on your thread OP, but in relation to some previous posts: what is 'mansplaining' please everyone?

Talk him through some of the unconscious bias training exercises ;)

aplus.com/a/do-you-have-a-gender-bias-bbc-three-video.html

*Has he got a penis ?

He's not a feminist*

Unless he identifies as a woman. 😉

I have an adult dd. She and her friends have all been "burnt" by men using "I am a feminist" as a chat up line. Sad but true.

Yes if he describes himself as a feminist then he is a mansplainer. He can be an ally or pro-feminist.

I'm with @AnyFucker

I asked DH the other day if he was a feminist. My awesome, does more housework than me, treats everyone with respect, walks the walk DH said, "no I'm not. Because I know what that word means". He is an ally.

One way is to behave the way you want to behave and respond the way you choose to respond and see if he tries to change you. I remember DH once snappily ordering me to do something. I said, if you ever, ever talk to me like that again I'll walk out the door and never return. He never has.

What AnyFucker said.

Has he got a penis ?

He's not a feminist

Ok, I'm slightly biased in that I believe that men can only be feminist allies; that aside I'd look out for mansplainy vibes and his ability to really listen to your perspective, not make excuses or minimise your/women in general's experiences.

I agree with zig - it is his reaction and way of dealing with things that counts. For me the clincher is about porn - whether he sees it as problematic - oh and how he speaks about female colleagues. If he genuinely has confidence in their expertise, he's a good egg. The personal habit thing is a tough one. Does he offer to do the dishes or lend a hand in other ways when he visits? I think it is all about discussion though - he should want to make you happy and not make you sad - if he won't budge on the things that make you sad then probably not good to persevere in.