Receptionist in 'unprofessional' clothes. Am conflicted

Difficult one. I had a young graduate a few years back who used to dress like this and it made a lot of people in the office - both male and female - quite uncomfortable. Eventually I told her - but I didn't tell her what to wear - I just said how you portray yourself at work makes a difference to how you are perceived, and as she was ambitious and clever it might be an idea to think of who her female role models would be (we had a lot of senior women directors) and consider how they portrayed themselves at work. She clearly got the message and subtly changed her look. FWIW I don't think she had even thought about it until that day.

I need an opportunity today to say, you do you

LaurieFairyCake
I don't think short skirts and tight, see through tops are 'professional' just because they're in black suiting material.
More like they are sold to us as a caricature of professional work wear. It's insidious. It's the 'you must look pretty and sexually available at all times'.

Absolutely this. If you were in an office or at a funeral and a couple were heavy petting, you wouldn't be comfortable with it. You'd see it was not appropriate. You havent consented to participate.

Thats not 'slut shaming' or being 'anti sex'. Porn and advertising have really done a number on women.

Not overly revealing or sexy. Same for everyone.

That very much depends on your definition of "Sexy" - Bums, Legs, Boobs, Calves, Wrists..........

Also, it depends what shape people are.

I'm sure you'd be in uproar if the dress code was "ankle length skirts that must not be tight fitting"....

I don't think short skirts and tight, see through tops are 'professional' just because they're in black suiting material.

More like they are sold to us as a caricature of professional work wear. It's insidious. It's the 'you must look pretty and sexually available at all times'. Even when you're working or wearing a nursing bra (have you seen the extra sexy lace and strappy bits added to nursing bras?) your clothing is designed to go further than flatter or fit your female form.

It's a fine line but I think it's crossed a lot when clothes are designed. I used to work somewhere that had 'female' overalls - they had darts and shaping through the chest and waist. It looked ok until someone with larger breasts wore it - then the shaping ended in a 50's point at the breasts making it look like the wearer had a conical bra on. Most women who had larger breasts then chose to wear the men's overalls.

It's easy to say clothes are 'badly designed' but when so many clothes are seemingly designed with extra provocativeness added you have to question surely?

I only fall into the theoretical 'women can wear what they like' category because I DESIRE this to be true.

In real life and not the reality I wanted I pointed out to dd what fucking arseholes men were and if she wore certain outfits (at the time she was gothy and wore a lot of basques) then she would get whistled at and sleazy comments made. She obviously hated men beeping their horns and making disgusting comments.

I don't like the receptionist wearing clothes like that because it makes MY life hard. I feel uncomfortable, I judge the work place she works for, I worry that she is not totally doing it because of free will (because patriarchy is insidious). They remind me of every dodgy male fantasy office porn film . And I hate porn.

Do we really think women are wearing these clothes because they like them? Or can we not accept that they are influenced by the patriarchy, society around them, media influences ?

I don't think any woman given a six week introductory course to feminism is going to totter in to the lecture theatre in six inch heels and a peep hole bra by the end.

I'm going to get flamed for this but I NEVER see sexually explicit clothing worn by women
I see as actualised, centred, comfortable in their skin. Well, maybe the odd famous person or model who can afford a body guard to protect her

lass you are being controlling and judgemental - telling other off other women for their feelings.

Some of the feelings make me feel uncomfortable. I mentioned I found parts of the OP's post a bit creepy and my feeling is that it is not a million miles away from "urgh cover yourself up".

Yes! I tried it in Welsh tone too..

you do you

I thought it was some sort of South Walian colloquialism. Or a typo.

Tbh it looked like an error.

"You go ahead and do your own thing then" ?

When I read it the intonation wasn't there to make sense of such a pithy remark.

It means you are free to carry on being and doing what makes you, you.
I had never heard it before and understood.
I would be extremely worried about the female SW upthread. She is a professional and it is unprofessional to dress in a way designed to attract the sexual attention of clients. Just as unprofessional as if she'd licked her lips and said "gosh I was told you're a big boy". That's the nature of the client-professional relationship.
For the garage receptionist, I'm of the opinion that she thinks this is how people do "professional dress". It's not uncommon. She'd have a fit if she went to work at my local (chain) garage where everyone wears branded fleece gilets and baggy chinos. She might think that they were not respecting themselves by not dressing attractively.

I'm intrigued by "you do you"!

Missing point of thread I know.

Not overly revealing or sexy. Same for everyone.

What are professional clothes by that definition Backingvocals?

The lady in question was wearing a skirt and shirt - how is that unprofessional?

Professional clothes. That’s what women should wear in the workplace. Are men showcasing their body in the workplace? If not you shouldn’t either.

And as regards the op, to my mind it is the garage that should be putting a stop to anyone wearing clothes unsuitable for the environment. I'd probably take my custom elsewhere if a garage was populated with women dressed in a way so obviously designed to attract men.

you do you

Translation please. I won't be 90 for a good few years and I haven't a clue what it means.

what should women wear then?

Not allowed to shop for "modest" clothes, but can't wear anything too short or tight fitting......

A sack? Nothing?

I think we have all seen a women, at work, in clothes too tight, too revealing etc, that we just 'know' isn't right.
The social worker going to the prison is classic.

lass you are being controlling and judgemental - telling other off other women for their feelings. Even telling women off for feeling 'conflicted'. People feel conflicted when experiencing internal, unresolved contradictions. This is very different from the kind of 'I've made my mind up and this is what it is' certaintainty behind being 'judgemental'.
I agree that the concept of modesty - especially only for women - is worrying and sexist and suggests a cultural lurch towards religious conservatism, but I do not think this issue is about 'modesty' - well not for me anyway.
In a male dominated environment like a garage women can feel uncomfortable entering, perhaps because of the historical seediness of girlie calendars on the wall, being treated like you are stupid for being female and likely to have them try to rip you off, generally feeling like your custom isn't appreciated, and vulnerability, because of a mild leery sense of threat.
Although things have improved dramatically for women customers since those days, to see ua woman, incongruously dressed in a sexually provocative way in that situation could suddenly bring it all back for a customer - the whole seedy, pervy, sexist garage thing - that makes women feel uncomfortable. It could flood your mind with questions.

This is miles away from your mischaracterisation of people's concerns of as "urgh immodest! Cover up woman!".

And patronising

That is hilarious given what you have been posting.

I'm genuinely interested in what you think is "culturally inappropriate" in what I have said?.

sex sells cars??
does anyone like the way a top feels when that middle button is ready to pop? is pulled so tight it sits sideways? just wondering.

Sorry Grandma, to anyone under 90 it is a perfectly normal thing to say and is grammatically fine in and of itself.
Gibberish it is not, don't lash out because you can't understand modern english

Better and better. I'm enjoying this. A nice bit of ageism is always welcome.

Ah, you're one of those posters, should have known. The reason most people stay out of FWR: only one opinion is acceptable and if you don't share it you haven't understood and you aren't welcome.

I get it, I think you are entirely wrong. And patronising, and culturally inappropriate, and out of touch.