Trans Widows escape committee

I thought what they were calling the spousal veto was just transitioning being grounds for divorce, which to a narcissist could seem like "she's allowed to stop me from transitioning".

https://alittlehouseintheozarks.blogspot.com/2018/09/not-woke-my-experience-as-child-of.html?m=1

This is a blog by a woman whose dad transitioned when she was a young teen. It's a heartbreaking read but chimes with a lot of your stories.

to all you brave women as ever

Sorry. "Perhaps...." and "..variants of this account with more probing of the husband's real mental state, not the "born in the wrong body" trope".

Perhpas The Guardian is tip-toeing towards a closer look at the reality of transwidows' lives? Maybe they have noticed this thread and the related "TW and AGP". If so, we may see other variants on this account later.

Hello, I am not a trans widow, but have read some of your posts before and am horrified at what you have all been through (or are still going through).

Sorry, not helpful but just want to ‘like’ birdbandit’s post, and add another thought on intersectionality... It’s been said a few times by various people here and elsewhere that going along with the TWAW delusion may be difficult or even impossible for some people with ASC, because their condition can mean they think more ‘rigidly’ than the average person, making it more difficult to tell a lie.

If the trans dogma is disrupted by people with ASC, they will likely be called transphobic, and may possibly be subject to abuse or hostility. This makes the trans movement ablist too. Not intersectional. Not inclusive. A Men’s Rights Movement.

Re Amnesty International: they have come out in favour of "gender self-ID" (www.amnesty.org.uk/have-your-say-gender-recognition-act), and make reference to guidance from Stonewall and Mermaids. I'm sorry but Amnesty's original aim was human rights, for example not persecuting journalists and not locking up lawyers and "political dissenters". They have strayed far from their original aims. Please see this document published by "a dissenter" from AI's policy of "decriminalizing" exploiters of sex workers: digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1134&context=dignity. The common thread is apparently "marginalised groups". AI has been corrupted by MRAs, well funded by George Soros.

Tinsel oh no, he's agreeing to divorce.

I said I needed to divorce him for the porn as I can't (Scotland!) divorce him on the grounds of his "transition". He thinks it is correct that I can't legally (here) divorce him on those grounds. He thinks that's correct, that his transition isn't "grounds" for divorce.

He doesn't want to be married to me, goodness no. I'll probably get a whole lot of bunkum back about my nasty terfy ways. Ha!

We are still at the info gathering phase. It'll take an age.

I was thinking earlier though, I do genuinely feel desperately sorry for the idiot.

Imagine telling people that you believe so fervently in gender stereotypes, and "allowed" sex (shagging) roles, that you believe you are a malformed woman, rather than a boring old man.

Or rather knowing that you aren't a malformed woman, and actually just a bit of a perv, but having to say this/ pretend to save face.

That's his life and choice! Idiot.

I don't think I've ever met a man who was,

A) responsible for his marriage going bleak
Or
B) not abused by his "mad" ex wife who stole all the money in the divorce.

Imagined rather than fact based "history" isn't only a cross dressing husband's game.

My STBXH doesn't believe that his "transition" (wearing women's clothes in public for kicks) is grounds for divorce.

Luckily I have all his documented porn obsession, and domestic control/abuse to divorce him with.

I imagine he feels he's very much the abused party. Wait till he finds out he can't identify out of paying his share in the divorce settlement!

Tinsel

I'd love to see evidence that's happened. But then evidence is thin on the ground for many of their assertions. It's all true in topsy-turvy world, where women are aggressive and transwoman are the bravest, most stunning, most vcitimised

Birdbandit
I have just paid £177 (!) to upgrade the website and install a functioning Contact form. It now works!

Bit of a derailment but,

This intersectional feminism, where the product seems to be a bit of a circle jerk of minimising your own oppression because other women in different circumstances/cultures are worse off.

And of being NICE (not kind, being kind is being truthful but in a considered way) but nice, where you don't mention any of the grim.

How, does this ideology square putting my STBXH's voice and therefore his desires, (again he's a white, privileged, wealthy middle aged man), over those of, for example, a woman whose cultural upbringing makes her preference for SEX segregated spaces?

Why is she to suck up her beliefs and preferences, to prioritise his?

How is that intersectional?

It's not intersectional or feminism, it is a totalitarian approach which prioritises his rights over hers.

Brilliantly marketed, but a right number on those women who do comply.

Will do.

I have a website Transwidows.com which is up and running, but really bare of material.... You can also contact me through the contact page there.

Birdbandit
Thank you so much for speaking up.
Can you please contact me directly off-line? I am a novice on Mumsnet, but I think that you can contact me privately.

I will try from my end too.
Thank you!

Scientist, count me in. Please do let me know how I can help.

Yes, I think we can all agree that it is so much easier to just not speak, to let the (in my case) middle aged, white, incredibly privileged and successful MAN have it his way. To not challenge his lies. It would be so much easier to just let him abuse his position and privilege.

It's so much easier to just say nothing or to agree that his version of events, our history, his pitch/story is true.

But it's not true.

I'm sorry for all the people who are made uncomfortable by my version of events in my marriage, my evidence not fitting their imagination of what has happened.

My husband is sexually aroused by wearing women's clothes, by the power he has to override women's voices, by appropriating the symbolism of "woman" to fulfill a humiliation fetish, an escape/role play sex game.

I know this. I have 20 years experience of living with this man. Only a fool or a bigot would minimise my experience.

What have I got to gain from speaking out?