Reconciling my beliefs (trans, liberal etc)

Being liberal about representation and injustice and the need to balance the needs of those who are disadvantaged.

The key bit: balance the needs.

Being liberal is to be intolerant of intolerance.

TRAs are failing to do this, not just with women but within their own community. They are profoundly authoritarian in their methods and have more in common with Trumpian politics, the politics of Farage and the politics of ISIS. Central to this is the creation of the notion of 'the enemy' and the idea of some sort of persecution to gain legitimacy. The pattern of polarisation and the elimination of rival ideology. You are either with us or against us. All these movements extensively use propaganda techniques as a form of persuasion rather that letting arguments stand on their own merits and up to scrutiny. This is what makes them profoundly undemocratic and illiberal.

To reconcile your liberal identity realise that TRAs are not liberal but must profess to be in order to have support. The have hitched the wagon to homophobia saying that criticism is of TRAs is transphobic. It's not but many liberals do not want to be a bigot and don't question further. The differences between the experiences and objects of the two groups are never talked about and these differences matter.

Liberal politics is about consensus building that there is a shared interest and benefit to society as a whole and then using the law to protect the consensus. Authoritarian politics are about using the law to suppress ideas that challenge and to prevent debate and scrutiny.

Presenting the fight for trans rights in this way is a con trick. People who oppose the methods of TRAs are not automatically against rights for the trans community. It's just been painted this way. They can be pro trans rights but aware of conflicts in how you balance interests.

The fact you are questioning things, is good. Authoritarians want to stop you thinking freely.

Focus on the principles of democracy and what it is to be liberal. Does this match with what's going on?

There is nothing liberal about telling a Muslim, Romany or Jewish woman they are a bigot for not being able to share a changing room with a male bodied person.
Or for telling those women they have to allow a male bodied person into their area of worship.

To give trans people more rights, men can move over, and trans people could ask for a third gender neutral space.
But they wont. They are telling - not asking, telling - women to give up rights that we actually need, such as women only domestic violence shelters and Rape Crisis counselling.

It is not a liberal movement.

If I had to break it down into two sides, one is saying "there's lots to discuss" and the other is saying "if you don't agree with us, you're a bigot".

I know which side looks better to me.

I think that you may need to recalibrate your understanding of the word liberal. Being concerned about going 'against the tide', 'Looking down' on others for rationally held beliefs, being frightened to say what you think is all very illiberal. Being a liberal is about supporting individual choice and freedom including the freedom to think differently and say so. If you really want to be a liberal then stop being a lemming.

God how awful. I used to as well. I would not be able to tolerate that.

Where the hell do you work that you have to go through Trans Remembrance Day?

Do they also have Rachel Dolezal Day to celebrate other deluded people who appropriate rights and spaces that are not theirs or it just a certain type of man who gets this special treatment?

The reason you can’t reconcile your feelings is that you are thoughtful and honest about what you are witnessing. Your awareness of the issue will grow from here and I think you will become increasingly uncomfortable. It’s like those magic eye pictures. Once you’ve seen it you can’t unsee it.

MN is a good place to test out your thoughts. I’ve learnt a lot.

Lang is right.

Ask yourself this: why, when more than 1,000 women have been murdered by men in the UK over the last ten years but only 8 transgender people, has your work recognised a Transgender Day of Remembrance but not a Women's Day of Remembrance?

Because the current transgender activism is a men's rights movement. That's why.

To use your analogy: you're not the non-PC, racist relative. You're being gaslit by the non-PC, racist relative.

Pick - i get it, totally, I am supportive of gay marriage, I think people should be able to dress however they like, be as they like with no censure from anyone else.

I had been brewing about this for a while and i finally snapped and registered on mumsnet. it was the one of the few places you could talk about this without people assuming you were also anti-femnist anti-gay rights anti-trans etc.

You are totally in the right place! Don’t feel bad, its not about being unkind or horrible person, there are substantive issues at stake that very specifically affect women and children and need to be discussed.

Hi Gherkins, many of us feel exactly the same way. The thing is, the trans movement categorically isn't liberal. It's pretending to be whilst simultaneously stripping women of our rights and trying to eradicate gay and lesbian children. It's toxic. And trans rememberance day is propaganda - whilst any murder or suicide if anyone is very tragic, the numbers are startlingly low in comparison to other groups and the murders in particularly are murders of trans sexual workers by male punters - something else we all stand vehemently against.

Try reading these threads...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3088727-I-dont-want-to-be-a-TERF
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3093191-Am-I-Red-Pilling

There's been some interesting discission on similar lines.