Are/should male norms be the benchmark for female 'equality'? Should 'femininity' be prized too?

Could you define "femininity" please OP, as you meant it in the thread title?

Equality feminism puts priority on women becoming the same as men and it's flawed logic.
There are definitely differences between men and women- biological differences and behavioural, the two factors interconnected. One is no better than the other but they are different.
I would say there is a preference in careers men and women choose. I'd like to see women valued more in the roles they choose rather than being pushed into a board room just to make up equal representation. Equality of outcome is not something we should be aiming for.
What Id like to see is traditionally feminine rolls, like nursing paid more. In addition I'd like improved maternity care, better health screening, awareness- breast cancer, cervical cancer, maternity leave provision- USA hardly has any and it's outrageous.
These issues are not about "equality" they're about women. I don't get why the push for 50% board room representation and lack of emphasis on other women's concerns.

I guess the issue is, no matter how much I tell you that your piece of stale bread is of equal deliciousness to the cake I'm eating, you're just not going to believe me if you've ever had a bite of cake.

This could turn into an essay, so I'll stop there, and simply ask if you think that men and women should aim for identical life outcomes

No, but I don't think that men and women should be railroaded into different outcomes based on their sex either - 'to each, their own'

if there is any mileage in the idea that the sexes are different

You tell me? Beyond those directly related to child-bearing, what differences do you think there are between men and women? Personally I think that we are far more affected by society's expectations than by any innate differences at a population level, and at an individual level, we are all so different that grouping things into 'men' and 'women' is pointless (at least in my sample group of 11 children born to my generation so far, you couldn't reliably pick which were male or female based on character traits and interests)

and that the more 'female-associated' traits should be considered just as much of a strength as the more 'male-associated'?

The problem I have with this, is that it always seems to be a thinly veiled attempt to guilt women into staying home and wiping bums, that they should feel this is a worthwhile task equal to that of their menfolk out chasing glory. And, yes, whilst it is a worthwhile task, and one that absolutely needs doing, I don't see why men can't take a share of it, (since it's so damn worthy, they should be clamouring to do it no?) and I can't take a turn at the flashy stuff (which is of equal value to the bum-wiping, so surely it's fine for me to have a go at both).

I prize caring roles, because societies that cooperate are the ones that thrive. Its a mark of civilisation. Cooperation is harder to achieve than competition.

Yes. Equality of power over how society operates is what women should aim for.
Not women having power over men and not as individuals over other individuals. But women equal to men in deciding how it all works.

"Feminity" is the social programming used to keep women unequal to men.

The association of certain elements of the medical profession with femininity (the 'caring' roles) is an artificial separation. These roles have been perceived erroneously as being without authority and therefore compatible with feminine socialisation. A good doctor or surgeon, male or not, is certainly in a caring profession; A good nurse, female or not, definitely has authority.

Eliminating the socialisation that continues to hobble women by depleting their self respect and will-to-power will see the artificial imbalances fade and vanish. Trying to 'value femininity' is like trying to convince people to run a race with concrete shoes.

A CEO will always have more power than a home based carer for a relative. Therefore we should aim for 50/50 on boards.
But I do agree we also should aim for 50/50 caring after the first 9-12mo of nurturing a baby so we need to allow men more flexible working too. We should also stop taking about childcare as if it only applies to small babies. Dads should be nurturing and caring for children equally for years after the first maternal months.