Sending our only girl to private school to give her an advantage

My two sisters (one older, one younger) went to a private school, I went to the local comp. The reasons for this, as I understand them, are too long to go into here.

I we are all in our 40s, all degree qualified all independent. I think the difference between us comes down to personality and if anything my younger, privately educated system has the least confidence and social skills.

HOWEVER, at the time I massively resented the way my mum totally bought into the life of my sister's school but couldn't name my closest friends, that I was dragged along to school events (speech days, sports days, open days etc). They meant nothing to me and were dull and bloody awful.

I think it will depend.

These subjects are male dominated at A Level:

Computing - 9 boys to every girl
Physics - 4 boys to every girl
Further Maths - 3 to 1
Economics - 2 to 1
D& T - 3 to 2
Maths - 3 to 2

At top single-sex schools:
fluencycontent-schoolwebsite.netdna-ssl.com/FileCluster/GuildfordHighSchool/MainFolder/misc_downloads/A-Level-Breakdown-2017-Revised-Newsletter.pdf
www.rgs-guildford.co.uk/userfiles/rgsgmvc/documents/Academic/Results/A_Level_Results.pdf

72% of boys did Maths vs 57% of girls
29% of boys did Physics vs 18% of girls
23% of boys did Further Maths vs 17% of girls
32% of boys did Economics vs 18% of girls
22% of boys did Politics vs 13% of girls

(The girls did MORE A levels, 3.2 per candidate vs 3.0)

Obviously it's different doing Physics or Economics with 15 other girls in the class than with 2 or 3.

BTW, overall girls disproportionately outperform boys at Physics - WHEN they do it. In 2007 the stats were girls 59.3% AB, boys 51.2%

That's +8.1%. The gender gap for all subjects was 52.9% vs 47.9%, that's +5.0%.

For a subject with more female entries, Biology, the gap was only +4.0%

D&T is also male-biased, and the gap is here is huge - 12.4% advantage for girls.

And it works the other way round, too - English Lit is hugely female-biased in entries, and here boys actually outperform girls by 1.9%. Same thing happens in MFLs, boys outperform by 2.0% in French, in German by 3.6%.

So yes, if you don't want your daughter to be stereotyped into doing female-dominated subjects and would prefer to give her a better chance of participating in male fields where she may more ability than men, then send her to girls school. Because too many girls are doing 'girl' subjects where they actually have more ability in 'boy' subjects.

Fizzy- yes. From what I can see, girls outperform boys from pre-school level to university level. Girls/women get better grades overall and yet are massively under-represented in the higher management world of work.

Girls getting better school grades than boys doesn't help them in the world of work sadly.

Forget about the sex of your children OP. Choose the school that is best for each of them based on their interests, personality, strengths, weaknesses and needs without disadvantaging the others. It might be best to look at extra curricular activities to boost your DDs confidence.

Ehm OP...girls already outperform boys at school anyway

And yet, when out in the world, boys still do better, repeated studies show that women are estimated as less competent and paid less than men, given identical CVs with nothing but the name changed, or in non-blind auditions.

I think with anything you've got to look at what you're getting. We pay for school so my kids can be taught in English, can have good facilities, and small class sizes, because we move around a lot, and that could otherwise hold them back. You need to look at reasons and just make the best choice you can at the time with what's available. When we lived in the UK for a bit, I didn't like any of the private schools around us, and sent DS1 to a little local school where he thrived for example.

Send all your kids to the best State school you can, and save your money for tutors and higher education.

Through my secondary years I went to a girls grammar, and to a mixed comp. At the girls grammar, I was expected to be good at maths, did engineering, did physics etc - there was no issue there at all, but I struggled socially.

At the mixed, I was the only girl in engineering, I was hounded out of physics, one of two girls in Maths - but the school itself was a lot friendlier. I came out of it with lower grades, and not the exams I needed for my degree, but with better social skills (still not great - but I was a little more confident)

I think that as others have said, you need to look at what's around you, find the strengths - for a girl who's strengths lie in creative arts, it may be that a private school is better (better facilities) or worse (more emphasis on academics).

We live abroad, so both my kids (both boys if that matters) go to international schools - the one thing we've found in the 3 countries we've been in, is that it's not what you pay, but the teachers, the ethos, and the atmosphere of a school (of course with a whack of facilities and opportunities) that makes the biggest difference.

Whilst girls outperform boys at primary it's not fully understood why and huge resource is going into boys performanace to try and change that. So girls could come of negatively as a result

I think this is a really interesting proposition. I don't have a fully formed opinion but enjoy reading the thread. My concern would be lots of girls schools are positively anti feminist and that would concern me

Ehm OP...girls already outperform boys at school anyway !

I went state, although my parents did consider private for me as I needed good grades for my chosen career. As it was, I got into my career anyway and then was a happy sahm for 12 years before restarting it at a low level.
My brother meanwhile has worked continuously apart from times of redundancy. I'm just wondering whether there would have been a lot of resentment for my later choices if I had been the only one to benefit from a private education.

Surely the opposite is the case. Girls progress 8 for 2016 was 0.11, boys was -0.17. Boys progress less at school than girls. So if you are following your logic, wouldn't it make more sense to send your boys to the private school?

Although I'd never advocate giving one of my children a (perceived) advantage over the other(s) dependant purely on their sex.

What advantage do you want to confer? What do you think your daughter will get from an as yet undetermined school?
There are lots of very good schools and lots of not so good. The division isn’t between state and private.
There are many rubbish independents - quite often single sex ones. Unless you’re talking St Paul’s, St Mary’s or Benenden I’d look very carefully at the advantage each school actually offered.
Coeducational schools definitely confer advantages when transferring to university and having to live with the opposite sex.
State school children actually do better at university once they’ve got there.
Some private schools have dreadful teaching and unqualified staff.
Look carefully and don’t be blinkered by kilts and wood panelling.

I know you don’t want to hear “it all depends” but it really does - so many variables. We were in the position of being able to send all ours to private school when the only local state school went into special measures (6 heads in two years). Two went to an all girls and after a great start one really didn’t thrive, was bullied, subtly but constantly, on the school bus by a couple of older girls. The school were rubbish at dealing with it. Both then moved to a mixed private school where the oldest dc was. I am a great believer in girls schools. I went to one, taught in one, their cousins went to a great one - but it simply wasn’t right for that child at that point. In retrospect she might have been happier in the state school, all her closest friends went there.

My dd was really happy in the class at the girls school, made good friends, was doing well, but the journey was a nightmare and each day started off ruined.

You make the best choice you can, at the time, for each child, it might be the wrong choice, be prepared to make changes if you need to.

I also have two boys and a girl and the option to send the girl to a single sex private school (only as I would get a discount on the fees due to working there)

We decided against as I couldn't live with the sheer financial investment in one child over the others, it just doesn't seem fair.

Although the school is lovely and gets good results, my DD will be just as able to achieve at the good comprehensive down the road. I also worry that even though the academic outcomes are good in a single sex environment, back in the real world girls have to compete with men and segregating them at an early age does not equip them with the life skills and confidence necessary. They are wonderfully cared for but as a result possibly not very resilient.

All the girls that love the girls school near us at 11 yo. Outstanding ofsted etc hated it by the time they were 14 due to cliques and bitchness.

I'd think very carefully about girls school if it's self esteem your worried about. They can be even more competitive than a mixed school.

Are there not any excellent mixed near you?

Also I think it would cause long term resentments along the way.

On average girls do better at single sex schools.

That’s on average. Which means that some do worse and some do better. Plus some do better at mixed schools.

Wait until your dd is older before making a judgement.

On average girls do better at single sex schools.

That’s on average. Which means that some do worse and some do better. Plus some do better at mixed schools.

Wait until your dd is older before making a judgement.

I we t to a private, very competitive girls school and it wrecked my self esteem so I'd say no, have a careful look at the schools and their ethos.

You say it all turned out okay wrt your sister and you being at different schools. Does your sister share that opinion?

I must admit that since our DD started school, the scales have well and truly fallen from my eyes regarding private schools. You’re paying for many things, and a lot of it is social cachet. I don’t think you get the best teaching in privat schools - it’s far easier for a mediocre teacher to get good results with smart children and parental support.

Basically what I am saying is as parents I think many people don’t really know what constitutes a good education, or teaching. But fundamentally I would struggle to send one private and the others state, unless there were a very compelling reason.

On average girls do better at single sex schools.

That’s on average. Which means that some do worse and some do better. Plus some do better at mixed schools.

Wait until your dd is older before making a judgement.

I think private school as a back up if things are going badly for any of them in the state sector is a good idea.

I was the only one in my family who went to an all -girls private school. I definitely did better doing that than I would have done at a mixed state school, but probably also better than at an all girls state school as well. We did have that option then, but friends who went there didn't have the advantages I did being at the private school.

My siblings did not go to private school - they didn't want to, and one of them would quite probably not have passed the entrance exam. But they absolutely did NOT want to go. They went to the mixed comprehensive instead.

I don't for one second think they envied me - in fact they probably got more than I did in other ways because my parents tried to even things up; but it may have created yet another divide between us.

On average girls do better at single sex schools.

That’s on average. Which means that some do worse and some do better. Plus some do better at mixed schools.

Wait until your dd is older before making a judgement.

Is this a joke?

Find the right school for each child.

I went to an all girls school (state) but it was not the right school for me and took my low self confidence down to 0. I was miserable there.

There is also how will she cope if she is the only one at private? Will she feel pressure to out do her brothers?

Have you considered state boarding schools? They are mostly but not always grammar schools, the state provides the education you just pay for the boarding part. It might make it more affordable for all three. I know you didn't say boarding you said private.

stateboarding.org.uk/find-state-boarding-school#north

But as I said, pick the right school for your children.