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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

anyone else been ditched by friends for having Gender critical views?

213 replies

JetCityWoman · 28/10/2017 23:07

Long time user new account

just that really? I've been quite vocal of the importance of biology and a lot of my female friends have basically told me to fuck off. were talking 5+ year friendships all gone because I refuse to accept men can be women.

anyone else navigating this weird state of being?

OP posts:
Datun · 31/10/2017 10:16

Lancelottie

Yes, blue hair seems to be a definite thing. Personally I’m not sure what that means though.

And the explanation that because people are more tolerant, therefore more kids are coming out doesn’t hold water.

Since it’s mostly girls, where are all the middle-aged women who are now unutterably relieved that they can finally be their true selves?

Why is it only men who seem to constitute these late transitioners?

#notafetish

Lancelottie · 31/10/2017 10:12

outside of the internet, nobody I know mentions these issues at all

I wouldn't have thought about it really until, in the course of the past four years:

A man we'd known for years through our kids' hobbies transitioned
The daughter of a college friend transitioned
One of my daughter's classmates transitioned
My workmate's daughter transitioned
My son moved school and landed in Trans And Gender Unicorn Central College, where half the year seem to have unknowable pronouns
and, last month, a child we've known from the age of 5 changed her Facebook profile to male and started sharing loads of #Notadebate stuff (yes, she has blue hair, is that a thing?)

Either it's grown exponentially over the past few years; or it's always been there but now people feel OK to admit their true selves (my kids definitely seem to believe this); or I somehow have a Transing effect on half our acquaintance. Oops.

Datun · 31/10/2017 10:10

HornyTortoise

Exactly. When the definition of a woman is ‘anyone who says they are’, you have to know you’re setting up trouble for yourself if that’s how you define words.

What’s interesting is how this idea has caught fire.

Women have been saying for ages, okay if I identify as dog I am a dog, right? But now it’s really spreading.

And yes, of course, at the moment, this is only being played out in online arguments. But since that’s how most of this was played out anyway and laws are still being changed, I can easily see how it could start to seep out.

If transwomen are women without any kind of tangible, verifiable component, then women are also transwomen on the same basis.

I’ve definitely noticed a lot of infighting in the last couple of months. Transsexuals trying to distance themselves from autogynephiles, a huge difference of opinion over whether dressing in a feminine way should mean anything, non-binary people being dissed, etc.

The achingly, narcissistic subjective means of defining who, or rather what, you are is now coming home to roost.

HornyTortoise · 31/10/2017 09:48

The comments on that NB thread are great. The usual 'rargh bigot' responses though predictably and no attempt to answer any of the questions, as no rational answer exists, and they know it.

That said at the moment I am very much in favour of NB. As apparently a bunch of NB women are calling themselves transwomen and getting activists in a frothing state Grin Tempted to start IDing as a transwoman myself. As if transwomen ARE women, then women are transwomen too. Genuinely think all 'cis' (hate that fucking word) should start IDing as transwomen. To expose how bullshit the arguments are. According to gendertrender...LGBT groups are actually kicking out people who are saying 'cis' or NB women are not transwomen, and this has twitter in such a state its quite glorious

SelmaAndJubjub · 31/10/2017 09:32

When I think of "trans rights" I think of the right of people to live in dignity and safety, whatever their gender expression. What some activists are currently calling "trans rights" I'd just go ahead and call "male supremacy and rape culture"

Perfectly put. It is sad that people with gender dysphoria who found relief by identifying as the other sex are now caught up in the hostility generated by TRAs. I am also mystified as to why gay men are not pushing back more against the appropriation of the LGBT movement by a bunch of straight kids with blue hair calling themselves queer (lesbians are pushing back but no one listens to them).

Datun · 31/10/2017 09:16

deydododatdodontdeydo

Same as Mantegnaria - outside of the internet, nobody I know mentions these issues at all. I don't even see it discussed on my fb feed.

And that’s the problem. People don’t realise what’s going on. They think it’s very fringe, niche.

And yet, laws are about to be changed which will eliminate biological categories. Make them meaningless, not just culturally, but legally.

No other law of this magnitude has been proposed without the general public having a fair idea.

Many people are dismissing transgenderism because they see it along the same lines as the 72 different genders youth movement.

It isn’t. Those 72 different genders are not going to be enshrined in law.

Try posting something on your Facebook page. Something gender critical. It would be interesting to see whether people do have an idea, but they’re just too frightened to speak out.

You might be surprised.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 31/10/2017 08:51

Same as Mantegnaria - outside of the internet, nobody I know mentions these issues at all. I don't even see it discussed on my fb feed.

Izzy24 · 31/10/2017 08:42

@Archeryannie.
Exactly this.

And I’m deeply concerned by the number of women, of all ages, who would describe themselves as feminists but seem to have not the slightest awareness, let alone insight, into the current issues.

BlackForestCake · 31/10/2017 08:36

While Dworkin was alive nobody was spouting nonsense about trans women literally being biological women. Please cite statements where she supoorted anything like that.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/10/2017 08:14

@BingoFlamingo Dworkin died in 2005. In 2005 I - as someone who had been in various LGBT+ movements for decades - would also have described myself as someone in favour of trans rights.

And you know what? I still do. But what we all mean by "trans rights" has diverged wildly. The difference between now and 2005 is that this wholesale rejection of reality, and this gleeful kicking of women under the bus (particularly but not exclusively lesbians) hadn't in 2005 quite gained the traction it has now.

When we talk about "trans rights" in 2017, we aren't talking about the same trans rights we were talking about in 2005, or 1995, or 1985. When I think of "trans rights" I think of the right of people to live in dignity and safety, whatever their gender expression. What some activists are currently calling "trans rights" I'd just go ahead and call "male supremacy and rape culture".

ArcheryAnnie · 31/10/2017 08:07

Thanks Datun for posting this.

This is spot on:

Nonbinaryness is held up as queering gender yet it actually props up gender roles. Its effectively saying that male and female sex stereotypes are accurate and right. That women should be pressured to wear nail varnish and men to be macho. By setting themselves apart from these sterotypes they are supporting the validity of the gender system. Because if it was ok to just be an effeminate man or a masculine woman they'd do that. By making up this whole new identity it's saying people who are not non binary whether trans or not must stay in their pink and blue boxes. Its only ok for special NB people today mess about in the middle. It therefore seems to me quite regressive and conservative.

QuentinSummers · 31/10/2017 08:02

bingo many people get called "Terf" now who are in favour of trans rights. Including most of the women posting here. I'm surprised you don't know this, you seem informed about LGBT issues. Mind you it depends what you mean by "rights". I don't count the right to compete in whatever sporting category you see fit or the right to access any space you want to as "rights" myself. Rights to mr are things like living life free from harassment or violence, equal pay, equal access to employment, equal access to medical care, that kind of thing.

smiled TERF stands for trans exclusionary radical feminist. Originally it meant feminists with an extreme view that trans women should never be recognised as women, even as a courtesy. Over time it's come to mean anyone who doesn't accept that trans women are women, identical to any other. People who don't think that biology is important, only how you feel in your head.
Most people believe biology to be the way they know themselves and others to be male or female. Most people know that women are especially vulnerable on the basis of their biology, e.g. when pregnant or breastfeeding. Most people know that in a race or fight between a male bodied person and a fenale bodied person, the male bodied person will probably win regardless of whether they identify as female. Therefore most people are TERFs. We are called TERFs to shame us into stopping talking about the differences between women and trans women because when we do talk, trans ideology (a trans woman IS a woman) is exposed.

Make no mistake, this " trans women ARE women" position is extreme and I don't think it's what most trans people believe themselves. Its a position held by atrans rights actovists For some reason it's gained huge traction though and so now we are starting to see sports letting trans women compete with women, womens prisons being asked to admit trans women who have been convicted of rape or boast about their working penis, trans women who have made no steps to transition in appearance so look like men taking places in women's shelters and it goes on.

BingoFlamingo · 31/10/2017 07:40

It's a minority view and a controversial one. Even Dworkin was in favour of trans rights.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 31/10/2017 07:20

And what's a terf?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 31/10/2017 07:20

Yes - what Mantegnaria said.

LapdanceShoeshine · 31/10/2017 00:00

I think the worst place is Twitter. I don’t understand what people are getting at half the time on there (except that the hostility towards ‘terfs’ is quite shocking)

hipsterfun · 30/10/2017 23:56

Give it time.

Mantegnaria · 30/10/2017 23:50

I've read this thread.

Nobody I know discusses any of the things this thread is about. Young, old, male, female, well-off or just struggling, educated or not - they just don't come across this stuff, don't know about it, don't care either.

If they tried to, I hope they would be as polite as in any other discussion, but I can't see it coming up as an issue.

LapdanceShoeshine · 30/10/2017 23:13

Are we still on initial question?

I have been unfriended on FB as a "transphobe" by one right-on type, & have had some fairly hostile responses to "women with penises" comments from other right-on types.

Luckily I also have some sensible rational FB friends but I do wonder where all this is going Hmm

Datun · 30/10/2017 23:09

OMG I would LOVE it if Theresa May came out as non-binary.

The whole thing would disappear in a puff of smoke.

Datun · 30/10/2017 23:04

Okay. This is the woman’s comment:

“This comment thread is comedy gold. If you dont know why people find much trans ideology is difficult to take seriously then read through. It comes across as more victimy than thou, narcissistic with teenage flouncyness and constant call out and insult with very little reason or analysis.

Its no suprise theres a conflict between trans sexuals and nb people given that there is no logic that ties the two theories together. If gender identity overwrites biological sex then non binary people would be claimiing they were intersex. Why arent they?

There's some evidence in neuroscience that trans people may have some neurobiological cause which may make them feel dysphoric. There's no evidence for non binary people existing outside of a fashionable trend of art students dying their hair blue. Two spirit is an entirely different thing - largely a way of accepting gay men in a society with strict tradional gender roles.

People are mostly oppressed because of their gender expression not their identity. So if a male born person identifies as a woman or non binary but wears typically male clothing they wont expereince much oppression or harrassment. Whereas if a male identifies as a man but chooses to wear typically womens clothes then they will experience oppression and harrassment.

(She asked if any of these non-binary people could address any of her points. She was just told that she was devaluing and debasing them and they just got cross. So she responded with the following)

Debasing and devaluing non binary people and cruelty seem quite extreme words to describe what I've said. I notice you avoid the question why don't non binary people identify as intersex? If material reality of sex is over written by gender identity - or if identifying as a woman makes someone a woman and female then why not?

Secondly there is as I stated no scientific backing for non binaryness unlike with trans sexual people (most of the research has been carried out on those who have medically transitioned hence my using this term to distinguish from the more woolly term trans gender which can encompass anything from gender non conforming to cross dressing). What is non binaryness then if not an observable biological difference? It seems to then be a subjective opinion about ones lack of adherence to the gender stereotypes associated with ones birth sex. A statement that one has attributes and interests which are typically associated with both sexes. For example a male who likes both sport and gossip magazines.

Yet most people aren't a walking stereotype- most of us have a unique mixture of interests. So doesnt that make us all non binary? And if we are all non binary whether we admit it or not hen it can hardly be claimed it should be a special characteristic which needs protection and extra sympathy. So why is it only some people who identify as non binary? And why are they nearly all of one generation and political persuasion? Why do they have the same uniform?

It looks far more likely that it's a fashion trend like punk or goth, a youth movement without the music. In previous eras there were a lot of things to rebel against- civil rights, gay rights, women's rights and the strict conservatism of society. The boundaries around sex and drugs and rock and roll have already been breached. Yet still teenagers still want something to rebel against-. Something that sets them apart from their parents, something their parents won't understand or might be worried about

It seems to be all that is left to rebel against is reality itself. As most people don't want to change sex or take hormones with permanent effects non binary offers them an easy claim to be cool under the trans umbrella, one of the kids queering gender by having short blue hair and wearing androgynous clothing. Its much like the word queer now encompassing straight people with a BDSM kink or anyone whose ever had sex outside the missionary position. Its a way for non LGBT kids to still claim to be different from boring old vanilla straight people.

Nonbinaryness is held up as queering gender yet it actually props up gender roles. Its effectively saying that male and female sex stereotypes are accurate and right. That women should be pressured to wear nail varnish and men to be macho. By setting themselves apart from these sterotypes they are supporting the validity of the gender system. Because if it was ok to just be an effeminate man or a masculine woman they'd do that. By making up this whole new identity it's saying people who are not non binary whether trans or not must stay in their pink and blue boxes. Its only ok for special NB people today mess about in the middle. It therefore seems to me quite regressive and conservative.

And some of the trans people above are rightly pointing out that discrimination comes from gender non conforming to ones birth sex. So if a male born person presents as female they will feel societies ire. If a male born person presents as male but identifies as non binary then they face no discrimination. No one would ever know. Because people don't respond to people's identities that they can't see. It seems that many non binary people feel a bit left out in the oppression Olympics and the insistence on the they pronoun is a way of getting a peice of that pie. Omg someone forgot to use my preferred pronouns zir- the horror. Ditto with the claims that people are being triggered by having to decide between male and female toilets - omg NB erasure. Yet strangely intersex people have managed just fine for years without going into a meltdown every time they filled in a form or went to pee. And they surely do have a claim based on reality rather than their suddenly declared identity. .

So it looks mostly like teenage attention seeking, fashion and a desire for claiming victimhood and oppression that is otherwise not available to largely white heterosexual relatively wealthy young men and women. And no wonder because today victimhood gives one status. The more oppressions one can claim the more ones voice must be listened to in 'the reverse hierarchy. Its therefore to gain social status that in part people identify as NB.. Non binary is an easy way for someone to ramp up their oppression points and thus their kudos and prove their cool kid credentials. How else do you explain the rash of people coming out as NB among friendship groups? I looks more like social contagion than anything else.

I imagine when theresa may and other old uncool authority figures start coming out as NB everyone will be horrified and drop the whole thing. Then Scrabble around to find the next new thing to set themselves apart as oh so different and alternative.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 30/10/2017 23:01

(Really sorry if I seem as though I've just crawled out from a cave after 100's of years) Smile

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 30/10/2017 23:00

I think I'm going to need a list of the definitions used around this subject too - does such a thread exist already?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 30/10/2017 22:57

Yes Rachel Dolezal exactly.
I am just wondering why then really I suppose, does anyone take them too seriously Hmm

Please forgive my ignorance.
I don't understand all the terms and neither have I looked at the links, so I will have a look when I get the chance ... but am getting the feeling I will just find them a bit silly.
Why are people so cross?

Datun · 30/10/2017 22:55

Am I allowed to do that? I can leave the woman’s name off, but am I allowed to copy it verbatim?