anyone else been ditched by friends for having Gender critical views?

I posted something once on FB and got shit for it and I managed to hurt someone who has a transgendered child. No one bothered to actually read and think about what I had written.

I discuss it often with my best friend and while she doesn't feel as passionately about it as I do she fully understands my fears. My sister is very GC and so is my son and husband.

I have seen my son get a lot of stick for expressing his views. He was also called jealous because he is gay, and apparently he is pissed of because he isn't getting enough attention now. People have been shocked by his views because if you are gay you should be accepting of everyone and the new proposed laws because you're 'different' too.

Reanimated you put it very well (and "Werrity the Peasant (but only at weekends)" made me laugh, but I think it's always been thus, re non-binary, just called different things. I spent a big chunk of my early childhood - and I'm not the only one - with a male alter-ego (called something very boring - think Roger, but it wasn't that) which gave me permission to do things that were frowned on for girls. (And I spent much of my twenties with a short-back and sides, but did not dye it blue.)

I've had a couple of friends 'come out as non-binary' recently. I have said kind things to them and kept my instinctive eye-rolling to myself, because they are people I like and care about and if it makes them happy then I don't want to piss on their parade.

But I've been accustomed, for at least two decades, to knowing people who 'have more than one identity' and it's NBD. I know LARPers and re-enactors and assorted performers who see a distinct separation between 'JB Smith' the person who puts the bins out and does a crap job in a call centre and has tea with the parents on Sundays, and 'Fabulous Fairycake' who has magic powers or sings rude songs while wearing a pair of green wings, or Werrity the Peasant who lives in the woods and is ace with a bow and arrow (but only on the weekends).
I think a lot of the people who consider themselves 'non-binary' are not so much self-indulgent twats playing victim bingo as they are rejecting rigid gender roles in a way that gets them more sympathy and support than they have previously been used to - some people still grow up surrounded by a lot of distressing insistence that some stuff is for boys and some stuff is for girls and you are a disgusting freak if you don't conform. 'Non-binary' might be, for some kids, a way of getting a little breathing space to explore who and what they are and want to be - even a way of not being rushed into a total transition when they actually like their own bodies, but not the gender expectations.

Spoke of this to a group of friends today - all were angry at women’s concerns being disregarded. We all play sports togethet and several have had issues with ore op TW using their clubs showers/changing rooms, also playing in women’s tournaments.

I can feel myself treading very carefully around all this on social media. I don't really do politics/social issues on Facebook; twitter is another matter, but as I use my real name, I am wary of wading into too many online debates. I do follow and sometimes retweet various gender-critical people on there.

At home, I don't avoid the subject with DD, but also tread carefully. She is 15, one of her best friends is FTM trans, she is well versed in all the tumblr/instagram/youtube trans stuff and so would probably react badly to some of my thoughts on the subject, but I have (I think) got her to agree that there are problems with the gender identity bill being wide open to exploitation by abusive men, and that biological males should not compete in women's sports, and that lesbians are perfectly entitled not to want sex with someone who has a penis, no matter how they identify. I think it helps that she has known for years that I have trans and gay friends, and that I brought her up to be critical of gender stereotypes. I'll keep chipping away, little by little...

Doobigetta call him a homophobe in return, then, because that's what he's supporting!

Ive only discussed it fairly tentatively with friends because I don't want to find out we don't agree. My partner thinks the whole thing is ridiculous, but acknowledges that as a straight man he is unaffected, and gets why I'm so angry. My mum initially didn't see the problem and thought we should just be kind to people and let them identify how they want. She gets it now and loves that there's a new wave of feminism challenging this. My brother, on the other hand, is a classic example of a privileged lefty virtue-signalling his way around the internet. We had a blazing row about it a couple of weeks ago and he called me a bigot. So he can fuck off, I can live with that. It's hardly a surprise that he lines up with the special snowflakes.

Deesqqq

Frustratingly I work for a different company that is based in the same building so I can’t even attend or ask questions - I just see posters about it and get annoyed at being so powerless!

Lordy, Jiggly, I don't blame you. There's an actor that did that, was on talk shows etc, being so brave, and it drove me mad. Such brave, brave straight people!

at work they’re having a transgender day of remembrance with Susie Green and Peter Tatchell on a panel

I always want to oh-so-innocently ask them to share a story of a local victim so I can light a candle for them. Then watch them scramble around for some kind of answer

No, she doesn’t want it. She wants validation for being a really brave heterosexual woman

I have been ditched but I’ve also started ditching. I’ve just unfriended a complete twat I know who ‘came out’ as non-binary recently. She dresses like a woman and in in a LTR with a man. And before that, she was married to a man. Her banging on about the howwible transphobia of the women leafleting the anarchist bookfair sent me over the edge.

It’s just a fucking nonsense and I’ve had enough. I don’t care if I lose friends anymore. I’ve had enough. I’ve truly reached peak trans now.

Just had a conversation with OH about it and he thinks the whole trans thing is insane and was really shocked to hear about the transing of children and the speakers corner incident and the attack at the anarchist bookfair.

Thanks for the clarification SomeDyke. I wonder if these student wankers would have dared try and no-platform Andrea Dworkin. If they even knew who she was, that is.

I’m certainly more sympathetic to those lesbian separatists of old than I used to be!

People who say they're non-binary remind me of those who say that they're very unusual (i.e. special) because they dream in colour. I'm pretty sure that everyone who has colour perception dreams in colour, and I'm pretty sure that virtually everyone is 'non-binary'.

My dd and I have agreed not to talk about it because we upset each other.

But giving it an ‘identity label’? That’s different. Now it’s special. Everyone has to know about it, you need to talk about it and people need to respond to you in a way that makes you feel validated.

Indeed. I also wonder if it's because of how gendered things are now, children especially are starting to feel there are certain traits they should have due to their sex, pursuits/subjects etc they should like, clothes they should wear and so on, so the actually completely normal feeling of not "identifying" with a particular gender is suddenly an indication you're "non binary" as you couldn't possible be a girl/boy without identifying with all the gender norms society has deemed acceptable for your sex.

The messages are heartening ferntwist. It'll be hugely reassuring for those sending you private messages, and some others as well I'm sure, to read your posts. It has been for me on here to see how many women are aghast at all this. I think there are a fair few who are similar to those who've messaged you - they've seen some of the vitriol which gets aimed at any who question the TRA line and no-one would want to be on the end of that.

For some reason the issue suddenly implanted itself into my life. My daughter was suddenly a boy and wanted me to buy her breast binders (I declined). Then discovered my bf was somewhat into crossdressing, thankfully he is not one of the I wear knickers so therefore I'm a woman brigade. The pp who described her brother as autistic, bi and dressing up gives him a thrill was very on the mark.

I find all of these issues fascinating. Someone described being trans as the new emo for teenagers and I agree. I can't really discuss much with DD, I try to be sensitive but not reinforce the whole I'm a boy now thing. To my eye, the likelihood is that she is a gay female, she is only 14, so I'm hoping that just by sticking my head in the sand a bit, the whole trans thing will have worked itself out in a few years.

I'm quite glad that I had been exposed to the whole debate before this issue arose tbh. My sister disagrees with my gender critical views. Quite odd because we have generally similar views. She has certainly swallowed the tra kool aid