We must stop apologising

So true

What I am trying to say is that presenting yourself in a confident and non-apologetic, empowered way could be seen as unfeminine,at least when you feel you are physically not typically attractive. I do this. I am quite confident but downplaying my confidence routinely

Sorry (there you go- proving a point) but that sounds complete tosh. The last conference I spoke at was chaired by a woman, with 5 speakers (2 male and 3 female) to a mixed audience of around 200 people. None of the women behaved in the way you describe.

This sort of stuff irritates me immensely. If women want to be taken seriously then behave seriously and cut out this hand wringing.

Lass I agree , thats the kind of sorry I might use. I'm not sure we should all have to start censoring speech and speak differently just to rid ourselves of so called feminine features - the "we must stop apologising."

I suspect I'm not phrasing myself well! (Sorry ;) )

You’re apologising- bloody autocorrect

It’s true.

Never JADE - justify, apologise defend or explain. If you do, your apologising and if you’re apologising you’re wrong. Stop it.

Language is important. For example, ‘but.’

Never use but. Everything before the buy is negated if you use but. Try ‘at the same time.’ This gives both statements a more equal weight and it stops people being instantly on the defensive to shoot you down.

The sheer thrill I got at work when I tried this the first time. No ‘I’d love to but I need to and I blah blah.’ Just ‘no.’ Wonderful.

It is far more common in women than men engineer
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.livescience.com/8698-study-reveals-women-apologize.html

@CappuccinoCake I know what you mean, but for me personally I realised that I felt I had to phrase things carefully and apologetically. I realised I actually prefer to be direct and unapologetic, it fits more with my personality. I think you can be collaborative and empathic as well though, it's not one or the other.

I use some of these words. But why should we all adapt our language to confirm with a stereotypical confident male pattern of speech? What's wrong with the way women typically talk

I will say "sorry this is a bit boring" because there will always be chunks of statutes in talks I give which are boring and then skip over them as they are in the lecture notes. This is not an exclusively female trope. Otherwise I'm a pretty confident speaker- why not? I know my stuff, I will have rehearsed the talk and people are paying to hear me.

"but a female trait? No, sorry about that!"

Wht makes you think that?

This isn't a female / male thing at all. I catch myself doing this and also notice others (male and female) doing the same. Maybe I see more of it on grounds that e gineers are barely socially functional! Lots of reasons driving why this happens and i think its probably a good opportunity for self improvement, but a female trait? No, sorry about that!

I'm conflicted on this.

I use some of these words. But why should we all adapt our language to confirm with a stereotypical confident male pattern of speech? What's wrong with the way women typically talk to one another - perhaps collaborative, showing empathy etc. Maybe the decisive, no nonsense tone isn't the only appropriate one?

You can remove "just" in most cases without having to rephrase or reword, simply take it out of the sentence.

I remember reading that when researchers ring women experts asking them to appear on programmes they are inclined to assume they are being asked to recommend someone.....

Oh, and 'I think'.

I say this all the time

Oh, and 'I think'. I try to avoid adding that too.

Thank you for starting this thread op, I have been nearly starting one for a while to ask advice on how to avoid using 'just' in my buissiness emails. I have no reason to downplay or excuse the requested I am making of the people I'm writing to but struggle to phrase it differently.

The thing about couching your opinions in apology is to do with a lack of confidence I think.
That's one explanation. Another is that women (I at least) don't wish to come crass as too confident and strong as that undermines society's notions of femininity and coming across as unfeminine can be perceived as undermining one's attractiveness and hence power. What I am trying to say is that presenting yourself in a confident and non-apologetic, empowered way could be seen as unfeminine,at least when you feel you are physically not typically attractive. I do this. I am quite confident but downplaying my confidence routinely.

Also, I am highly educated and professionally successful but suffer from impostor syndrome.

I've noticed, also, that women often smile when there is nothing to smile about in what they are saying.
It's a way of trying to make themselves acceptable.
When does a man ever think about that?

I have female family members who do it all the time and I have mentioned it to them and also tried to stop myself doing it.

Sorry, I do it all the time

I got told off last week by a more senior woman for apologising too much. I feel like I annoy people by speaking so then I say sorry. Need to break the habit but it's hard

I apologise all the time because it seems like the right thing to do.
My DH only apologies if he has deliberately done something wrong/thoughtless/etc and sees no reason to apologise if his intentions were good.

This infuriates me frequently. I suspect there is a healthy middle ground somewhere however...

My dp always comments when I ring him, he answers and I say "It's just me" or "It's only me"......