Is your DP a feminist?

I think so, mostly. He's a darling in so many ways but has been brought up in a very traditional, farming family, as was I, and so we both have annoying residual habits/ingrained ideas unfortunately... it just so happens he has more of that than me. To be honest, if he does come out with something anti-feminist (rarely), I just argue the other side and more often than not, he just hadn't even considered that POV. And then obviously agrees with me

DY? DIY

My DP is certainly helping me live the feminist dream... he's a SAHD he does the householdy stuff and I work full time. Plus he also does the DY trad male duties so I really got a good deal.

He wanted to stay home and I wanted to return to work. He does have an income stream (property) which allows him to do this, and it was not worth having 2 kids in nursery and both working if we didn't have to.

Men aren't stupid, rather than trying to get pay increased in a field, they're working in a field that pays well.

Ah... so they're already in fields that suit them and don't want the women having a share of it? Riiight.

"Why aren't men pushing for more men to work in care homes, as cleaners and in the more low paid areas of teaching?"

Pay is crap.

Men aren't stupid, rather than trying to get pay increased in a field, they're working in a field that pays well.

"The sad thing is most of these feminists are arguing for things which suits them. Why aren't feminists pushing for more women to work in waste management or construction?"

Why aren't men pushing for more men to work in care homes, as cleaners and in the more low paid areas of teaching?

Why aren't feminists pushing for more women to work in waste management or construction?

I think my DD became a feminist when they were doing 'what I want to be when I grow up' in yr 1 and her teacher told her girls couldn't be builders.

I'm not sure I would describe my DH as a political feminist but as someone further up the thread said 'he is a decent human being'. In terms of housework/childcare etc etc he of course does his fair share - more probably as he wanted a child more than I did .

I don't measure out exactly in terms of time who does regarding housework, maintenance, gardening, home admin etc etc but I tend to measure it more in 'equal free time' terms - and quite honestly I have a lot more free time than he does!

We've gone way past equality! We'll be wanting an impartial adjudicator in the bedroom of married couples soon! These scheming, lying, nasty women!

What about the Yemen!

In the west it's gone way past equality way past equality. Most of the managers where I work won't have a coversation with a woman in their office unless there is a HR person as a witness.

Feminism should be fighting for the equal rights of women in Asia, Africa etc. They've done their job and some in the west.

IndianaBones

Sad. Terribly sad. What a waste of our time and resources to only be pushing for women's liberation when we could get women into construction jobs.

I suppose it's exactly like cancer research isn't it, so we need to cure cancer, so that just means curing it, doesn't it? Every life sciences graduate from the same course, in every lab, in every country, just carrying out the same task in order to "cure cancer".

Also, you could sponsor a table next year, there's still time: womeninconstructionawards.co.uk/

You are utterly wrong on all counts. But thanks for your thoughts!

Yes, and I'd never have married anyone who wasn't prepared to accept my principles (feminist, religious and political).
He's become more aware since having our DCs but he's always been quite aware. I think it comes from his family political background, though he could easily have become very conservative.

Yes, although he doesn't think he is. But he's absolutely behind women doing whatever they want and equality and is often quicker than me to spot implied sexism in things like tv shows etc.

As a white man, he has sometimes found it hard to really understand some things. Like, when we talk about how women's ideas are co-opted by men in meetings, he says things like, "But women just need to speak up." but he's really starting to think more and more about these issues and is starting to see it much more clearly. What I love about this is that his "feminist journey" is not that different to mine. I also used to think that sometimes women were just making a meal out of silly things. It's taken me years to see the systemic sexism in our society and I really admire him for being able to look clear-eyed at things that don't necessarily impact him and to consider truly how they impact women.

Female quotas are a good example. He really struggled with this because he thinks that everyone should have the opportunity to apply for a job or whatever and the best person will get the job. But we've had countless conversations about this and he's looked at articles and facts and he's starting to see that while that's the ideal, it simply doesn't work that way in real life. if it did, in politics for example, we'd see a much more equal split of male and female MPs. Or at the very least, in constituencies where there are both male and female candidates, the woman would win about 50% of the time. Realising that they don't, and that it can't be because they are consistently NOT the best candidate, has been a real eye opener for him. And these conversations have really helped me in my thinking too.

He also made me love him even more when he agreed to swap a childcare day with another family because the woman was struggling with work days. His comment to me was, "changing days isn't ideal for me, but I'm not going to get in the way of [friend's] career simply for my convenience. She has enough challenges as a woman in the workplace already." Or something similar.

None of the men I've ever lived with or have been in a relationship with feminists even though they said they were in the early days of courtship. After a year or two they all seemed to revert to type.
So as an alternative to being Dobby the house slave I choose to live alone.
That isn't an easy choice but it's the right one for me, so much easier now I'm post menopausal, when I was younger I really wanted to share my life with someone but not now.
I have wonderful friends male and female so I'm far from lonely and of course my son who is a feminist.
I hope you have better luck than I did OP.

To be fair - he followed it up by asking me and what are we doing about it? Nothing. The context of the quote was very much it is nuture not nature.

Yes...although it occurs to me that putting it in those terms runs the risk of attributing it all to nature, not nurture, and of it being taken as an excuse by some less enlightened men.

Husband was going on tonight about something he'd read about an American criminologist talking about an amazing shared genetic factor in the prison population- 95% of them have a Y chromosome.

He was very taken with it as a way of really bringing home the problem of male violence.

Today I got up, went for a swim, went to work, came home and ate tea then did some housework. DH got up, did some housework, got the kids ready for school and took them to school, went to work, picked the kids up from school, took them all to the hospital because the eldest had a consultant appointment, came home, made tea, put the kids to bed. We both work PT so we can reduce childcare/spend more time with the kids.

I have to say I would not have had kids if I'd been married to anyone else (I only know 2 other men who do as much round the house and kids), and as parents we complement each other. If I was married to a normal man I would not have got as far in my career as I have. He absolutely believes in equality for women and recognises that means men have to give up the privileges of masculinity. There are good men out there but I do think they are few and far between.

I would say definitely, in as much as male can be. Obviously he will never truly understand what it means to be female or anything, but he is definitely not one of these dinosaurs who thinks that housework is womens work and such. Infact, he does MUCH more housework than me, and probably a lot more childcare too. I mean, he has to really given my health problems, but even before I became ill he did most stuff around the house.

He also fairly regularly speaks up about sexist language. Its somewhat of a running joke among his male friends 'don't objectify women around X, he will eat you alive' and so on.

When male friends of his have started hating on feminism as 'feminists should be worried about how theres not many male DV refuges etc' and such he will point out that the reason there is so much help for women with refuges is because 1. Male violence is such an epidemic and male on female DV tends to be much more serious than female on male. 2. Females fought for these services, so should males be inclined to think demand is even slightly similar, males should get off their arse and help other males.

He also totally gets the whole trans bollocks, and how it is anti-women. I genuinely believe this trans stuff to be the biggest threat to womens rights that there has been in a fairly long time, so having him understand without me having to drill it into him has been somewhat refreshing.

So yeah, I would say he is as much a feminist as a male can be. And I am so thankful for that.

Very much so. So is my 18 year old son, he is very passionate about it. They are both very gender critical as well. My son is gay and has a lot to say about the T in LGB.

Both are fantastic feminist allies.

DH was raised by a feminist so that helped. He does more housework than I do but I'm the breadwinner so it makes sense. The division of housework or child care has never been an issue. He is also very anti porn and strip clubs etc. Despite how some MNers have tried to convince me otherwise

I think the chores/housework issue is absolutely central to this discussion. Of course it's not all feminism is about, but men being prepared to overcome their social conditioning to play an equal role in parenting and running a house and family is, for me, one of the clearest indicators that they're not just talking the talk.

On the name issue, we're not married, but neither of us would change our names if we ever did marry. Our dc have his surname, but we discussed it beforehand and he was comfortable either way. Giving them his name was my choice in the end, as I felt people would assume they were my children either way, but may question whether they were his if they had my name. Not sure I'd make the same decision now, but I still feel OK about it.

Funny, lots of people saying their DH does most of the cooking just because they are better at it, but if it was the other way round it would be "how convenient"! . Sorry just a light hearted observation.

I would say DH is, not because he's especially feminist, but because he's a decent person who believes in treating people equally and with respect.
He's also aware of issues which affect women more, such as fear of men (he's not scary, but is aware some women might be scared or wary of him).

My dh claims to be a feminist but I don't truly believe he is. I'm a sahm which doesn't help. But there are just little things here and there that he does that make me wonder. Things like certain female celebs he claims to dislike but can't say why - it's always the sweaty, unladylike ones. Also him an his mates swear like dockers but if I ever do it I see him wince. He'd never call me out on it but he does it.