Worried I'm missing opportunities to 'teach' my 3 DDs feminism

As long as you have made that choice and feel empowered it is what works for you.

But choices aren't made in a vacuum - it's an easy choice to make because it's socially acceptable for a woman to not work, even if she's able to, and because men's salaries are higher. It's an easy choice to make but it doesn't really "fight the cause" for feminism - if women keep dropping out of work because of their husband's good salaries and because it's socially acceptable to be a "yummy mummy", then we're never going going to really advance things like women earning higher salaries or being as successful as men in the working world.

Make sure your DH does pull his weight around the house.

Why? She doesn't "pull her weight" outside of the house - isn't the point of having a SAHP, that the SAHP sorts out everything domestic?

Actually, great point KingLouie. My mother was a fairly traditional SAHM throughout our entire childhood. She also managed to raise four feminists. We never felt as though her role was less important than our father's. My father was the 'traditional' breadwinner, but he was also a feminist, by and large. They both, in their own way, taught us about equality and equal thinking.

The idea that a SAHM cannot be a feminist is astoundingly ignorant (that's not aimed at you, OP!!!).

OP, I've said this upthread, but I think you're doing a grand job!

Whoa! My mum was a SAHM until I was about 11 and it didn't stop her raising me as a feminist. It's a non-issue. I can't even say how she did, but if it's in your belief system I'm sure they'll pick up on it.

Whereas we both work and DH does a fair proportion of childcare and housework but DS still comes out with the odd shocker, e.g. thinks Dad is somehow in charge of the house. When I call him on it it seems he has picked it up off TV programmes. Possibly he's testing out what reactions he gets.

Don't listen to anyone who suggests you can't be a feminist and a SAHM. What rubbish, if you can afford it as a family and it works for everyone involved, do it, makes life much easier for everyone.

Brilliant post TheLuminaries. My DDs love that we still have my graduation photo up, that I do my volunteer "work", and when I show them the moves I learnt at Clubbercise. It's really just planting those small seeds and allowing them to grow in a mutually supportive and loving home, surrounded by books, mixed toys and positive role models of both sexes.

My DM was a SAHM and although I think most of my views re feminism are common sense and pretty moderate, I still identify as a feminist and engage with women's issues locally.

I think the valid point remains that the DDs need the chance to see their mother is more than just 'mum'. As I said earlier up thread, being at home with young children is actually a relatively short part of most women's lives. You did other things before you became a mother and you have a whole long and interesting life ahead of you separate from your maternal role. So don't lose sight of yourself and where you want to go, is the important message for all women. Keeping a strong sense of yourself will enable your children to come see you as a rounded human, fully engaged in the wide world, with skills and opportunities beyond the domestic sphere.

and this is a choice, make no mistake

Whilst it clearly is for many including the OP, it isn't always (I've read threads on here from women who've been pressured into it, sometimes despite being the higher earner and not wanting to, and women pressured not to go back to work when they wanted to) but that's a discussion for another thread - another reason the derailing comment which prompted your post was unhelpful. Also, my parents both work full time but have always "parented" me themselves. Again, though, this thread shouldn't have been about that and it's a shame one poster tried to make it so.

(and just to clarify that is not an anti working parent statement - I have been both and make the choice that works for me, which at the moment is working but I believe both choices are valid and different things work for different people)

I saw this the other day and came back to see how the thread had gone, I'm so glad to see that Wunderkind77 was pulled up on that shocking statement.

What an incredibly patronising patriarchal view that women are somehow inferior if they stay at home to bring their children up and that their input has no worth?

It is incredible that that kind of opinion can exist in this day and age, and that it apparently comes from a woman, worse still a woman who views herself as a feminist is breathtaking and saddening.

So, in case you didn't get the message - newflash Wunderkind77 - it is 2017 and that outdated and demeaning opinion that women are somehow 'lesser' beings because they choose (and this is a choice, make no mistake) to parent their children themselves is demeaning and a step back.

As conserveisposhforjam said:

"I'm a bit embarrassed for you and your views about women

Jeez the irony! *"

I agree Bertrand.

I'm glad you think that Bertrand because we are SHIT HOT at that round here

I still think the crucial thing is how you and your partner treat each other. It's not always possible for a WOH parent to be as hands on as a SAHP. But if the WOHP acknowledges and respects the work the SAHP does, and makes sure that they could not do what they do without the other one.

How do you share out jobs around the house? Who does tech, DIY, cuddles when sick, doctor's appointments? Who listens to reading, does the cooking and meal planning? Parents evenings?

Do you get them non-stereotypical toys, and do things like building stuff with them?

As i make clothes and food from scratch, and raise crops, and do the housework, that makes me a proper 1950s housewife. I do far more than your average urban SAHM. Does that make me less or more exploited?

I'm a SAHM but i raise crops for our food and run livestock. I also make all clothes and all food is made from scratch. I think these are valuable life lessons which will help my children understand the effort that goes into manufacturing etc.

And today I'm off to work - short term contract - while my partner stays at home. Does this make him a feminist this week but not other weeks?

Of course I think professional chilcare workers/teachers are more qualified to look after children than a parent.

Fuck me, talk about credential creep! What a neoliberal attitude.

Indeed EmGee. It's a shame this thread has been derailed so much and turned into this kind of conversation, almost pitting women who work against mothers who are SAHPs. Luckily there have also been some great posts on it so I hope they'll help the OP and others!

@mctat Do you feel that way about other professions, such as teaching and providing medical care? Or just childminding?

....and a bold fail

conserve

Of course she is, if it's her children

ARGH! X-post with namechange on the 'derailing'

Are you me namechange? Am I famous??