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Original poster

Argh "maiden" name

132 replies

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/09/2017 13:54

What can I use instead of the term "maiden name"?

"Unmarried name" does not sound right. "Previous name" ditto.

Never should have changed the bloody thing in the first place.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 17:04

It's not a question of being "wrong" because you're recounting your experience in this regard but the terms of address you refer to are clearly sexist and devalue women's identities.

Crumbs1 · 10/09/2017 17:01

Thank you for your acknowledgement AdalindScafe - not sure why I'm wrong though? I might bring a different perspective to the discussion but that doesn't necessarily make me wrong. Is dissent not permissible?

SerfTerf · 10/09/2017 16:48

RIBBING Blush

SerfTerf · 10/09/2017 16:47

No, sorry. I didn't know is she was rubbing someone on the thread or sending up someone else. Turns out it was neither. I don't know why I was expecting joshing

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/09/2017 16:34

SerfTerf

Who are you satirising Crumbs? I'm being a bit slow

I thought you were being deeply sarcastic!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/09/2017 16:32

I love all the nonsense supporters of maiden names and the like post about forms of address "being correct"

There are titles relating to members of the aristocracy which have rules because the title itself was created by the Crown and to which the jursidiction of whatever the English equivalent of the (Scottish) Court of the Lord Lyon applies ; or the specific canonical rules of churches which define "correct titles" but for everyone else? Nope. The only "correct title" is whatever the person wants.

SerfTerf · 10/09/2017 16:27

Oops Blush

AdalindSchade · 10/09/2017 16:20

Crumbs is serious. She's wrong, but serious about it

Crumbs1 · 10/09/2017 16:19

SerfTerf Satirising? I must be a bit slow too!

SerfTerf · 10/09/2017 16:07

Who are you satirising Crumbs? I'm being a bit slow.

NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 16:03

There's no reason for the term "maiden name" to exist. There isn't such a term for men because such sexist expectations of changing surnames upon marriage don't exist for men. The titles "Miss" and "Mrs" are also unnecessary, no need for any other than "Ms". As for "Mrs Husband'sfirstname Husband'ssurname" this is yet more sexist still.

Crumbs1 · 10/09/2017 15:52

I can't get too much excited or upset about the form of address.
I am known as Mrs Fred Smith socially for formal occasions. I am Mrs Susan Smith for work. I choose not to use my maiden name (and yes, maiden name is correct). Many of my friends do use their maiden name professionally so might be DrJane Evans at work but Mrs Edward Jones socially.

PinguDance · 10/09/2017 15:45

You could say 'Elizabeth Brown is my married name.' Sort of reverses it. I think of my name as my name and in the (unlikely) event of changing it on marriage I will think of the new name as my married name.

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/09/2017 15:40

Adalind I agree with you.

I might just quietly start using my unmarried name more and not make a big deal of it. We are in Canada now so last names are used less anyways.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 10/09/2017 03:09

To be fair that is the correct way of addressing an envelope to a married woman!

No it fucking isnt. It might be an outdated social convention but when the married woman in question is called neither mrs, nor husband's name, then it's completely incorrect isn't it?

Trills · 10/09/2017 02:51

Not wrong at all! :o

LittleWingSoul · 09/09/2017 21:50

Deed poll is a much simpler process than you might think... I say go for it Ms Bananahammock!

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/09/2017 15:18

Trills is it wrong of me to wish that that was really my actual name Grin

OP posts:
Trills · 09/09/2017 13:37

Teachers will be used to this.

They won't mind if your email address and your name and your DD's name are all different.

You can just sign off

Conseula Bananahammock
(Emma White's mum)

annandale · 09/09/2017 13:32

What a dude Smile

I'm like a PP in finding 'maiden name' now quite charming for historical reasons. Own name is definitely better tho. Also wish I'd never changed the fucker in the first place. Mrs Peter Smith was still reasonably current in more formal contexts in 1976 not 1876. It's changed quite quickly thank goodness. I wonder if that's something to thank Mrs Thatcher for. Prime Minister Mrs Dennis Thatcher was never going to fly. I have a vague feeling Barbara Castle was occasionally known as Mrs Whateverhisnamewas Castle.

BeyondLimitsAndWhatever · 09/09/2017 13:26

Cool.
If she calls you Elizabeth White, just say it's brown - you haven't updated your email. No need to explain what name is what :)

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/09/2017 13:19

She has written back

"Dear Elizabeth"

So no issue at all with last names in this case Grin

OP posts:
BeatriceBeaudelaire · 09/09/2017 01:22

Paternal name ?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 09/09/2017 00:57

It is also common on gravestones , even where a wife has taken her husband's name to give "her own name"

My grandmother for example is "Jane Smith, wife of John Brown" although in life she was Mrs Brown.

Seeingadistance · 09/09/2017 00:53

Where I am in Scotland, it's still not uncommon although now probably old-fashioned, to talk about a woman's "own name" instead of "maiden name".