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Original poster

Is there a name for this thing that seems to happen all the time on feminist threads? It happens on other subjects too,, but it's very noticeable on feminism.

162 replies

BertrandRussell · 21/08/2017 11:07

Somebody will post about something they've observed. Something that only every happens to women, for example. Like being called a girl, as a 45 year old professional woman. And another poster will say that "Oh, people use "boy" to describe 45 year old professional men all the time"
Which is simply, observably, NOT TRUE.

On the thread about gendered endearments, people are suggesting that "mate" is non gendered.
Which is simply, observably, NOT TRUE.

Is there a name for it? If not, should we invent one? The Blinker Fallacy?

OP posts:
IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/08/2017 11:33

This is my absolute favourite defining example:

Background: mixed group of friends in a pub discussing the case that had just been in the news, the one where that Austrian guy had locked his daughter in a basement for years, raped her etc (not the Kampusch one-the other one).

I'm keeping quiet because as a feminist one has to be careful not to appear too man hating Wink

Male friend shakes his head and says "I feel ashamed of my sex sometimes because it always seems to be men doing this shit"

My female (bit of a princess la la la type) friend pipes up with "oh no, women are just as capable of doing awful things. You just don't hear about it".

To which I ask why wouldn't you hear about it? (Whilst also taking pains to assure this guy it's not his personal fault because ...well you know)

My friend replies "well men are probably too ashamed to report being a victim".

So, yes, the world over is filled with basements full of men trapped by evil women who are not only abusers but also manage to pull off the cunning feat of never getting caught

It's exhausting really.

Original poster
BertrandRussell · 21/08/2017 11:33

Oh, I'd forgotten "bubbly boy" Grin

I think that some women do need to maintain a fiction about the world because actually facing inequality is too difficult/scary/damaging to their life style. Or they think it will be. That's why a lot of women are so particularly nasty to feminists. And maybe an explanation of the "the feminist boards are too aggressive -I keep them hidden" line

I am from the consciousness raising generation, and it was an incredibly painful process for many women.

OP posts:
Popchyk · 21/08/2017 11:31

Yep, there was a thread a while back when a poster was referred to as a 'bubbly girl' in a job interview.

People falling over themselves to say that, yes, 41 year old men in interviews are referred to as 'bubbly boy' all the time.

And if there is a thread about male violence, there is always the "I've been assaulted scores of times by women but never by a man" crew. I mean, what at the odds of that? And what are the odds of it happening to more than one person who are posting on Mumsnet at that time?

And yes, it certainly happens on any thread where there is a whiff of feminism.

CaptainWarbeck · 21/08/2017 11:29

Yes it's driving me mad and it's MY THREAD! I have never heard a girl called 'mate' by an adult.

Similarly all these posters saying they use 'sweetie' for their boys and girls... fine that's great. I presume nearly all posters are women. How many men have you heard calling a little boy 'sweetie'? I don't think I've ever heard a man call a male child something like this.

MelsMam · 21/08/2017 11:25

I believe it's called, 'Alt - truth'. Hmm

reallyanotherone · 21/08/2017 11:24

See also gender stereotype threads.

When faced with evidence that gender is a social construction, out comes the "but i have a girl and she likes pink, so they are born like it and girls and boys are definitely different".

CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 11:22

Oh my god it happens all the time!! And often by women. Which seems more than an unconscious coping mechanism and almost an obsessive desire to present everything as being so equal when clearly they are not

With the exception of a few loud and obnoxious male posters this is a female dominated forum with a huge amount is posters, you're going to get a few bullshitters, and those sort always make their opinions heard. So I don't think there are many women who do it, more that it's skewed in this environment.

Can we make a word for "man spreading" on the internet? Especially on feminist forums.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 21/08/2017 11:21

It's a companion of confirmation bias isn't it - a refusal to believe that the world could possibly quite as biased as it is, so seeing balance where there isn't any.

stitchglitched · 21/08/2017 11:20

Yeah apparently a grown adult woman being called a 'bubbly girl' is no big deal because men are called 'bubbly boy' all the time. I don't get how they can even type it with a straight face.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/08/2017 11:18

Oh my god it happens all the time!! And often by women. Which seems more than an unconscious coping mechanism and almost an obsessive desire to present everything as being so equal when clearly they are not

Maybe we need to invent a name for it!

VestalVirgin · 21/08/2017 11:13

It is simple lies, isn't it? Not sure it can be called a fallacy, it seems more like plain old lying.

Though perhaps it warrants a name if the people doing it are honestly convinced that it is true.

I, too, would like to know if the phenomenon has been named already.

CupOfTeaAndABourbon · 21/08/2017 11:12

Yeah I've noticed this too. It's almost like false memories in that the casual sexism towards women (like being called "girl" as a professional woman) is just so normal that people think it must, absolutely must also be true for men and so seem to remember instances where it's happened to men even though it most probably hasn't.